Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all, at what age do you bring children to funerals of their grand parents? Any tips you could share on how to prepare them for this.
We live away from family so this would be a longer trip and require the kids to miss school. I’m wondering if it’s better for one parent to stay home with them or for everyone to go. Thank you

For you or your spouse’s parent, I would pull the kids from school and have everyone go. For your or your spouse’s grandparent (so the kids great-grandparents), I’d be flexible and see what made sense at the time. It’s just a much more distant relationship for everyone, and the kids are likely to be very young in that scenario.

OP thanks yes this is what I’m thinking. It’s just our kids are different ages and personalities, we’d need to decide either all the kids travel or all stay home, but I don’t think one of our DDs would be able for a funeral. She’s incredibly sensitive and I think it would be very upsetting for her, which would make it difficult for everyone. But I wouldn’t have anyone to leave her with if we were to travel.

It's a FUNERAL. About DEATH. It's supposed to be upsetting. There's nothing wrong with your daughter getting upset at a funeral. If ever there were a time appropriate to cry and be sad, it's at a funeral. We as humans are meant to experience the full spectrum of emotions - including sadness. Didn't Charlotte cry at the queen's funeral? It's okay to be sad.

+1. She is old enough to attend her grandparent's funeral. I was a very sensitive child and my grandmother's funeral was the first I had attended. My siblings and I all wrote something about her. We read them at the funeral and I still remember a lot about the experience. It helped prepare me for my own mother's death a few weeks ago. Seeing my normally stoic mother grieve openly made a deep impression on me and let me know it was ok to show my grief.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all, at what age do you bring children to funerals of their grand parents? Any tips you could share on how to prepare them for this.
We live away from family so this would be a longer trip and require the kids to miss school. I’m wondering if it’s better for one parent to stay home with them or for everyone to go. Thank you

For you or your spouse’s parent, I would pull the kids from school and have everyone go. For your or your spouse’s grandparent (so the kids great-grandparents), I’d be flexible and see what made sense at the time. It’s just a much more distant relationship for everyone, and the kids are likely to be very young in that scenario.

OP thanks yes this is what I’m thinking. It’s just our kids are different ages and personalities, we’d need to decide either all the kids travel or all stay home, but I don’t think one of our DDs would be able for a funeral. She’s incredibly sensitive and I think it would be very upsetting for her, which would make it difficult for everyone. But I wouldn’t have anyone to leave her with if we were to travel.

It's a FUNERAL. About DEATH. It's supposed to be upsetting. There's nothing wrong with your daughter getting upset at a funeral. If ever there were a time appropriate to cry and be sad, it's at a funeral. We as humans are meant to experience the full spectrum of emotions - including sadness. Didn't Charlotte cry at the queen's funeral? It's okay to be sad.

I took my two very young ( four years old and one year old) kid to my grandmothers funeral which involved a plane ride and staying in a hotel. They didn’t really know her but my older kid knew she was important to me. Other family members were there, it was an important family event.

My view is that death is an important event and that families come together even when it is inconvenient. Even if my kids don’t remember it, I can show them a picture later and say this is you at so-and-so’s funeral. The general theme that they are being taught is this is important, not optional, to pay your respects and go. I just took them at Age 8 and 10 to their great aunts funeral. Again, not someone they really know, but someone who is important to me and other members of their family. I think it’s important to normalize going to funerals, even at a young age. Death is part of life. One of the things we have to teach our children is how to approach death. Ritual is important for that. Every family member has been thrilled to see my kids there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is not really comfortable with the idea of bringing young kids to a funeral solely for the comfort of the older relatives of the deceased? I don’t know, the idea of bringing my kids to a funeral as some type of prop for other people just bothers me.

Yes.

In my experience older people find kids to be annoying so the logic here doesn’t make sense for me

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is not really comfortable with the idea of bringing young kids to a funeral solely for the comfort of the older relatives of the deceased? I don’t know, the idea of bringing my kids to a funeral as some type of prop for other people just bothers me.

Yes.

Am I the only one who is not really comfortable with the idea of bringing young kids to a funeral solely for the comfort of the older relatives of the deceased? I don’t know, the idea of bringing my kids to a funeral as some type of prop for other people just bothers me.

Made the huge mistake of taking a well behaved (but still needs attention) four year old to MIL funeral, at my Dh's begging. Everyone needs to see youth when there's a funeral, he scolded me. I gave in, should have left dc with my parents, what a f g disaster. And NO ONE was interested in paying attention to a four year old, end result, I could not fully be there for my DH because I was babysitting. Big mistake.

I was an adult in my 30's before any of my grandparents died.
I had three living great grandparents when I was born, and they died when I was 7, 12, and 14.
My mom thought I was too young to go to the funeral when I was 7 and 12.
By the time I was 14, we had moved across the country so I'm not sure I wasn't allowed at the funeral because of age, or because my mom didn't want me to travel (cost of a plane ticket/missing school.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all, at what age do you bring children to funerals of their grand parents? Any tips you could share on how to prepare them for this.
We live away from family so this would be a longer trip and require the kids to miss school. I’m wondering if it’s better for one parent to stay home with them or for everyone to go. Thank you

For you or your spouse’s parent, I would pull the kids from school and have everyone go. For your or your spouse’s grandparent (so the kids great-grandparents), I’d be flexible and see what made sense at the time. It’s just a much more distant relationship for everyone, and the kids are likely to be very young in that scenario.

OP thanks yes this is what I’m thinking. It’s just our kids are different ages and personalities, we’d need to decide either all the kids travel or all stay home, but I don’t think one of our DDs would be able for a funeral. She’s incredibly sensitive and I think it would be very upsetting for her, which would make it difficult for everyone. But I wouldn’t have anyone to leave her with if we were to travel.

As a sensitive person, it helped me immensely to attend my grandpas funeral. I loved hearing everyone’s stories of him, crying with others and getting to say goodbye. Otherwise it’s disorienting that one day you have a grandparent and then they’re gone and you didn’t say goodbye. Don’t tiptoe around sensitive people. Talk to them instead about everything that’s going on. It’s also good for kids to see their parents grieve in healthy ways.