Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind, there’s an inheritance tax and cost of carrying the house. Carrying the house has to cost at least $25,000/year. Don’t know what extended lawyer time will add in. Lus the executor’s time and who knows what else. It will diminish what she gets. And yeah, she sounds off and you can’t change that.

I don’t think Maryland has an inheritance tax when children of the deceased are the beneficiaries.

Just go through probate.

Keep in mind, there’s an inheritance tax and cost of carrying the house. Carrying the house has to cost at least $25,000/year. Don’t know what extended lawyer time will add in. Lus the executor’s time and who knows what else. It will diminish what she gets. And yeah, she sounds off and you can’t change that.

Anonymous wrote:OP again just to frame the question: How can you break through to someone who distrusts the expert advice (the estate attorney), documents that plainly list assets and accounts, room by room, closet by closet videos and photos of the household effects with 6 of the 7 siblings concurring on the truths of the above. The expectation is even if the more onerous path is taken she will still feel she was cheated but has anyone been able to reason with someone like this??

PP here - to answer your question, I don't think you can, unless there's one sibling she trusts more than the others that can talk to her.

At this point it sounds like it's time to let the process play out. She sounds unbalanced, so going through a full process may be a better bet because the judge isn't likely to entertain her conspiracy theories at the end when the entire process has been managed by the court.

Thank you first poster - you get the issue!! I guess hoping there was some magic to work for the family. Sadly - she probably will end up even more alone as she does this. It's a learning process that I hope we can avoid for our kids!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes - BIL met with a highly recommended estate attorney and he's following her advice. Hold out suster spoke with the attorney but think she's being lied to. Process explained verbally and in writing but again she believes something's being kept from her.

My understanding is that in modified or standard probate she's not going to get 'her day in court' (unless she goes nuclear) as as executor, my BIL is the only decision maker.

OP, a $3,000,000 estate divided seven ways is over $400,000. That’s a lot of money to most of us, possibly life changing. I don’t entirely blame your husband’s sister for wanting to make sure everything is handled correctly.

Absolutely. OP lost meat small estate, just $3 million. I say let the sister have what she wants, otherwise it could destroy family relationships even more. She’s not comfortable with the proposed process and apparently the system allows her objection to count. Stop arguing with her and go through probate; it will be fine, even if more time consuming.

Anonymous wrote:OP again just to frame the question: How can you break through to someone who distrusts the expert advice (the estate attorney), documents that plainly list assets and accounts, room by room, closet by closet videos and photos of the household effects with 6 of the 7 siblings concurring on the truths of the above. The expectation is even if the more onerous path is taken she will still feel she was cheated but has anyone been able to reason with someone like this??

I'm the first poster, and no - the crazy person remained crazy until the end, which came with Covid, since she was also a denier and refused to get vaccinated. But not before she'd obstructed everything she could and sunk the estate into the ground.

You can't argue with crazy. If nothing gets through to her, let the process play out the long way. She won't care if her relatives stop talking to her after this, so, from her perspective, she has nothing to lose.

OP again just to frame the question: How can you break through to someone who distrusts the expert advice (the estate attorney), documents that plainly list assets and accounts, room by room, closet by closet videos and photos of the household effects with 6 of the 7 siblings concurring on the truths of the above. The expectation is even if the more onerous path is taken she will still feel she was cheated but has anyone been able to reason with someone like this??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes - BIL met with a highly recommended estate attorney and he's following her advice. Hold out suster spoke with the attorney but think she's being lied to. Process explained verbally and in writing but again she believes something's being kept from her.

My understanding is that in modified or standard probate she's not going to get 'her day in court' (unless she goes nuclear) as as executor, my BIL is the only decision maker.

OP, a $3,000,000 estate divided seven ways is over $400,000. That’s a lot of money to most of us, possibly life changing. I don’t entirely blame your husband’s sister for wanting to make sure everything is handled correctly.

+1. My uncle didn't speak to my father or other siblings for 7 years over an estate where each received $10,000. For the vast majority of people your husband's family have significant assets. Probably the first place to start with your SIL is to get out of your bubble and realize this is life changing $ for her.

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that every evidence shown to her to address her concerns about everything being absolutely handled correctly is disbelieved. If the only option is standard probate that will be done but there is a cost and a cost borne for no good reason. Cost will include the upkeep of a 4000sf home on a 1/2 acre in Bethesda. I hope they'll include BIL paying himself the nominal rate for the added work he'll have to do. There's also the deferral of what for some of the siblings IS life changing amounts, sorely needed now that will be put on hold. This IS their monry but it’s being delayed because of her crazy needs. (DHs share isn't an immediate life-changer except being part of our estste planning/safety net.)

Look. Chill out. She’s entitled to her process. It’s not that big of a deal. Relax and let it happen.

The problem is that every evidence shown to her to address her concerns about everything being absolutely handled correctly is disbelieved. If the only option is standard probate that will be done but there is a cost and a cost borne for no good reason. Cost will include the upkeep of a 4000sf home on a 1/2 acre in Bethesda. I hope they'll include BIL paying himself the nominal rate for the added work he'll have to do. There's also the deferral of what for some of the siblings IS life changing amounts, sorely needed now that will be put on hold. This IS their monry but its being delayed because of her crazy needs. (DHs share isn't an immediate life-changer except being part of our estste planning/safety net.)

Anonymous wrote:Yes - BIL met with a highly recommended estate attorney and he's following her advice. Hold out suster spoke with the attorney but think she's being lied to. Process explained verbally and in writing but again she believes something's being kept from her.

My understanding is that in modified or standard probate she's not going to get 'her day in court' (unless she goes nuclear) as as executor, my BIL is the only decision maker.

OP, a $3,000,000 estate divided seven ways is over $400,000. That’s a lot of money to most of us, possibly life changing. I don’t entirely blame your husband’s sister for wanting to make sure everything is handled correctly.

Yes - BIL met with a highly recommended estate attorney and he's following her advice. Hold out suster spoke with the attorney but think she's being lied to. Process explained verbally and in writing but again she believes something's being kept from her.

My understanding is that in modified or standard probate she's not going to get 'her day in court' (unless she goes nuclear) as as executor, my BIL is the only decision maker.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP: at this point she doesn't trust anyone. She is a very odd duck and has alienated pretty much everyone in her life.

I see a couple of paths here - forgive me if I'm suggesting something that's already been explored, but:

1) Has a wills/estate lawyer been consulted? Is the only path to modified probate through unanimous agreement - i.e. - can the rest of the heirs apply for modified probate and a judge decides?

2) mediation - if she will agree. Yes, it's an out of pocket expense, but maybe she can appeased so everyone can move forward.

3) acceptance - the brief description of a weekly sibling call sounds like something that is allowing everyone to remain spun up about their obstinate sister. Maybe the best course of action is one last sit down with her and then file and let go and let God (or the higher power of your choice). The good news here is that everything will be in front of a judge so she'll get her day in court and she can be redirected to the fact that was her choice when she wants to complain down the road.

OP again: Whether standard or modified there are requirements that must be satisfied and any monies used or collected accounted for. At the end there's not a whole lot of difference. And again - this isn't a complicated estate. One fully paid for home ($1.4m); some annuities that are already being distributed, some stocks, other accounts. After the siblings take what they want (honestly kinda sad how little anyone wants) the rest of the household will either be sold in an estate sale-like thing and a whole lot just trashed.