Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

x100000

My daughter wanted (specifically) a wedding or engagement ring of MIL's - but she gave it to favorite daughter's son's fiance (if you can even follow that) - ie: someone who will be marrying in - just out of spite. Guess what MIL's legacy as a "grandmother" to her actual grandchildren will be?!

It went to her actual grandson’s family, didn’t it? Or is your daughter more special than her cousin?

I'm gay and my mom thinks that's morally wrong because of her religion. I have one sibling who is unmarried and has no kids. He has never even been in a relationship because of autism.

Originally I was going to get half and my brother would get half. I assume I've been written out of the will and my half probably goes to my children which is actually perfectly fine with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

x100000

My daughter wanted (specifically) a wedding or engagement ring of MIL's - but she gave it to favorite daughter's son's fiance (if you can even follow that) - ie: someone who will be marrying in - just out of spite. Guess what MIL's legacy as a "grandmother" to her actual grandchildren will be?!

That is messed up.

She gave her ring to her grandson to propose with? What's messed up about that? It's still in the family, no?

After my grandmother died my grandfather asked his children (5 of them) to find a way to identify particular things that each of them and their children would want from his home. Some things he told them they might get right away, others would not be gifted until he passed away. It was interesting what we all chose, some chose things that had great value others chose sentimental items such as a particular Christmas ornament. He had already set aside a few things in particular that they wanted to gift to specific family members.

Unfortunately he ended up remarrying and the 2nd younger wife eventually got him to re-write his will and make her son executor. Anything that hadn't already been given to his children and grandchildren ended up being hers. Sidenote we actually think there was probably some spousal abuse as he got older and infirm, but no one could prove it so no one contested the will.

To the best of my knowledge, I expect my parents will divide everything 50-50 between my brother and me. I can't think of anything that he and I would fight over. DH and I have an only so it will all go to him when we pass away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

x100000

My daughter wanted (specifically) a wedding or engagement ring of MIL's - but she gave it to favorite daughter's son's fiance (if you can even follow that) - ie: someone who will be marrying in - just out of spite. Guess what MIL's legacy as a "grandmother" to her actual grandchildren will be?!

That is messed up.

Anonymous wrote:In your will, how do you divide your "stuff" among daughter and son?

Do you leave all your fine jewellery to your daughter or divide them between daughter and DIL? if the later, do you have to make a list of all pieces? (assuming they both want them)

Do you specify which item goes to who? (stuff like expensive paintings, antiques...valuables). If you don't specify, but vaguely state "divide equally", would it cause drama among the kids?

Are you sure they want it? There have been several articles about this very topic. Assuming they want it, find out what they want-might not even be the same things. Start giving stuff away while alive if possible. Get their input on what they consider fair. If they have to suddenly get caregivers for you down the line stuff might disappear so if you aren't using that jewelry might be nice to give it when you can see them enjoying it.

I have a daughter and a son. I'm regularly giving away my jewelry to my DD now. I've really stopped being interested in jewelry and I love seeing her get them. I don't have such a vast quantity that it would be a huge loss to my son. He's not interested at all except to appreciate my DD wearing the pieces.

I have 2 sons and no one wants anything. My will includes all personal property in the estate. Sell it all and split 50:50. In reality, most of this stuff isn’t really that valuable. The PP who mentioned Lladro figurines—LOL, not much interest in those.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

That's very thoughtful of him.

+1

You did a GREAT job with your son!

Thanks. He’s good people. He knows what it’s like to be treated unfairly (he’s gay), and thinks it’s crappy that my sister loses out on something she wants because of gender. He compares it to women not being able to inherit property in ye olde times. He’s 20 now, but recognized the sexism and called it out as a young child. With the pushback from DS about sexism and him being gay, we’re not sure what will happen to the ring, because there’s not another grandson. It’s become a running joke in our family whether it’s worse for the misogynistic homophobic old man to will his bling to the gay grandson or the daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

That's very thoughtful of him.

+1

You did a GREAT job with your son!

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has told DH and his sister that SIL is getting everything of value because she is alone and deserves it. I don’t get it, but whatever, we don’t need it. DH has asked sister for one painting but we know she wants it too so he probably won’t get it. He loves his parents but he knows she’s the favorite and has always received far more than he has. She was the “miracle baby” MIL had at 40. So she’s always been treated like she’s something special. She sure is “special”, LOL!

LOL - she was a mistake! That's for damn sure!

We don't need anything - but if a blood grandchild asks for something specific, and you say no, you got bigger problems than the item! If that is how she wants to be remembered, so be it!

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

x100000

My daughter wanted (specifically) a wedding or engagement ring of MIL's - but she gave it to favorite daughter's son's fiance (if you can even follow that) - ie: someone who will be marrying in - just out of spite. Guess what MIL's legacy as a "grandmother" to her actual grandchildren will be?!

My MIL has told DH and his sister that SIL is getting everything of value because she is alone and deserves it. I don’t get it, but whatever, we don’t need it. DH has asked sister for one painting but we know she wants it too so he probably won’t get it. He loves his parents but he knows she’s the favorite and has always received far more than he has. She was the “miracle baby” MIL had at 40. So she’s always been treated like she’s something special. She sure is “special”, LOL!

My mil has tons of stuff like Lladros. Sil is getting her house so she can have all the stuff in it. Dh won’t want any of that. Sil will also get all of the jewelry. My dd is not a jewelry person but has expressed to me that she would want something to remember her grandma. There is a ton of stuff so I said that I’m sure she can ask her aunt for a piece and aunt will give her something. Hopefully, mil has many more years and it won’t be an issue for awhile. But my kids are planners.

Anonymous wrote:Care takers usually get the best jewelry

Yep kick my self for not hiding kind $200,000 ring.