Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

Op here. They’re actually in NY, but yes, the same principle applies.

I appreciate the references to military facilities. Looks like most of those would require him to qualify for independent living at time of entrance, which he wouldn’t at this point. The rehab facility believes he’d qualify for assisted living at discharge.

There are things going on with my cousins that I don’t understand. My NJ cousin is working with a lawyer to somehow shelter their assets/income so they qualify for Medicaid. They want them out in Ohio asap and have my aunt live with her daughter and my uncle in skilled nursing rather than AL. It breaks my heart. It’s a significantly lower quality of life than what they’d have living together in assisted living, whether that was in NY or OH. My aunt is being put under tremendous pressure to agree to the move without them explaining what she’s agreeing to or what the options really are.

There are family dynamics at play that I can’t deal with. I wish my aunt were more like the stubborn elderly people that others post about. Instead she’s trying to make everyone else happy at a time of her life when she should be prioritizing herself.

I think medicaid has a 5 year lookback period. So, aunt and uncle will likely have to pony up cash for living for at least 5 years. Some kids resist placing in a home to avoid depleting assets

The home is protected in a trust for over 5 years, so that part is done. It’s worth about $300k and I have to think between that and the remaining pension, she’d be okay in a place in OH once her spouse is gone. I don’t know how the lawyer plans to hide my uncles $9k pension/ss and $2k veterans benefit. I genuinely don’t understand why that seems to be the goal rather than getting them in comfortable, least-restrictive setting.

The lawyer isnt trying to hide money. Easiest way to lose your law license is to try to help someone cheat MC or MA. Your cousins aren’t important enough for any lawyer to risk their livelihood. The lawyer has s trying to structure their assets so that money lasts as long as possible.

I said it on your other thread but here’s some of what you’re missing. Your aunt and uncle arent going to be at the same level of care indefinitely. So you need to have enough assets available to pay for your aunt when your uncle’s condition declines. That takes a lot of planning and coordination. And government programs typically only start paying for residential services at nursing home level. Once your uncle hits that level, how will you cover care for your aunt.

And, seems like you’re understanding at this point but cost of the program is only part of the picture. Each facility is different plus adddd costs depends on their lifestyle and interests.

I didn't mean to imply there was something illegal going on. There were conversations started with the lawyer before we had the clearer picture of their income and assets. I think we all literally assumed it was half of what it was, maybe $3k coming in monthly, no savings, and only the value of the $300k condo. If that were the case, assets would be quickly depleted and uncle's care would come under medicaid before too long and we'd be thinking hard about protecting my aunt.

My cousin seems to be proceeding as if that were still true, rather than the fact that income is $9k monthly and could be higher with the VA supplement, and they have another $200k cash. He is pressuring my aunt to move immediately to his sister's house and move my uncle to a nursing home out there. He will not be doing any of the care, it will be my other cousin managing both her elderly parents and a disabled spouse, on top of her full-time job. If my sister and I hadn't offered to help after my aunt's recent hospitalization, my aunt would have been driven out to her daughter's house with just the clothes on her back, leaving my uncle alone in a rehab facility hundreds of miles away.

It's a very difficult situation, and we're dealing with family dynamics we simply don't understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

Op here. They’re actually in NY, but yes, the same principle applies.

I appreciate the references to military facilities. Looks like most of those would require him to qualify for independent living at time of entrance, which he wouldn’t at this point. The rehab facility believes he’d qualify for assisted living at discharge.

There are things going on with my cousins that I don’t understand. My NJ cousin is working with a lawyer to somehow shelter their assets/income so they qualify for Medicaid. They want them out in Ohio asap and have my aunt live with her daughter and my uncle in skilled nursing rather than AL. It breaks my heart. It’s a significantly lower quality of life than what they’d have living together in assisted living, whether that was in NY or OH. My aunt is being put under tremendous pressure to agree to the move without them explaining what she’s agreeing to or what the options really are.

There are family dynamics at play that I can’t deal with. I wish my aunt were more like the stubborn elderly people that others post about. Instead she’s trying to make everyone else happy at a time of her life when she should be prioritizing herself.

I think medicaid has a 5 year lookback period. So, aunt and uncle will likely have to pony up cash for living for at least 5 years. Some kids resist placing in a home to avoid depleting assets

The home is protected in a trust for over 5 years, so that part is done. It’s worth about $300k and I have to think between that and the remaining pension, she’d be okay in a place in OH once her spouse is gone. I don’t know how the lawyer plans to hide my uncles $9k pension/ss and $2k veterans benefit. I genuinely don’t understand why that seems to be the goal rather than getting them in comfortable, least-restrictive setting.

The lawyer isnt trying to hide money. Easiest way to lose your law license is to try to help someone cheat MC or MA. Your cousins aren’t important enough for any lawyer to risk their livelihood. The lawyer has s trying to structure their assets so that money lasts as long as possible.

I said it on your other thread but here’s some of what you’re missing. Your aunt and uncle arent going to be at the same level of care indefinitely. So you need to have enough assets available to pay for your aunt when your uncle’s condition declines. That takes a lot of planning and coordination. And government programs typically only start paying for residential services at nursing home level. Once your uncle hits that level, how will you cover care for your aunt.

And, seems like you’re understanding at this point but cost of the program is only part of the picture. Each facility is different plus adddd costs depends on their lifestyle and interests.

many things in the plan aren’t happening, but I’m learning this is the ugly side of living in facilities - even the nicest ones. Everyone is short-staffed, underpaid and overworked

This is common. Out of the DC area, my parents spent some years in 2 different facilities. The two places are places I wouldn't mind living someday if I needed to. Nice people employed. Pleasant environment. BUT things are not as they are presented by the glossy brochure and sale pitch. "Cleaning" included in the residential fee is minimal. Emptying the trash can and a quick sweep of the vacuum. Someone employed in another position is always filling-in, they say. They are short staffed and "looking" to hire someone to replace someone who left. Thing is ~ I didn't see this position ever get filled or the duties ever get carried out fully, to most people's satisfaction. So, cleaning the room doesn't happen as they say. In terms of activities, the calendar looks packed-full of fun activities. What fun you're going to have! Most of the activities will be severely scaled back, rescheduled and then cancelled. Not the fault of the facility but the interest isn't there. Transportation provided, especially to outings get cancelled a lot. The van is in for repairs. It will be fixed next week. Then, it's another week. Or the driver is off this week. They're looking for a substitute driver and when they find one they'll let you know. I never could fully count on van transportation to happen. My thought, on all of this, wasn't incompetence or a lack of effort but watching their operating budget and not getting the money they need to make things happen, or approved by I higher-up corporate entity.

So, wherever you look, know that the marketing and sales pitch is presenting imo a sort of dream scenario. How things really operate in reality will fall short.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15K Poster, can you give us more details. What kind of apartment? Is this a spacious luxury 2 bedroom or something very special Or, what's driving-up the cost so high?

I wouldn’t call it spacious but yes, this is “luxury AL” (although I use that term very loosely) that offers memory care when it will be needed and is in close proximity to dc (bc we live nearby and need to get to parent quickly bc of jobs/kids/number of appts). 1 bedroom + living area (small) + high level care plan. Frankly, the care should be better for the cost, and many things in the plan aren’t happening, but I’m learning this is the ugly side of living in facilities - even the nicest ones. Everyone is short-staffed, underpaid and overworked, especially in the shadows of covid. The non-luxury version of this, in a community w/ more turnover, was 12k. A studio and lower care plan would be cheaper — my family member would’ve clawed my face off if I set them up in a studio.

Op here. Can I ask how much his expenses are above the charges for rent and care from the AL facility? I’m trying to figure out how much of a buffer my aunt and uncle would need above those charges.

Room Rent is roughly 2/3 of cost.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15K Poster, can you give us more details. What kind of apartment? Is this a spacious luxury 2 bedroom or something very special Or, what's driving-up the cost so high?

I wouldn’t call it spacious but yes, this is “luxury AL” (although I use that term very loosely) that offers memory care when it will be needed and is in close proximity to dc (bc we live nearby and need to get to parent quickly bc of jobs/kids/number of appts). 1 bedroom + living area (small) + high level care plan. Frankly, the care should be better for the cost, and many things in the plan aren’t happening, but I’m learning this is the ugly side of living in facilities - even the nicest ones. Everyone is short-staffed, underpaid and overworked, especially in the shadows of covid. The non-luxury version of this, in a community w/ more turnover, was 12k. A studio and lower care plan would be cheaper — my family member would’ve clawed my face off if I set them up in a studio.

Op here. Can I ask how much his expenses are above the charges for rent and care from the AL facility? I’m trying to figure out how much of a buffer my aunt and uncle would need above those charges.

Also to add that the best option in the Midwest would put my aunt and uncle together in a studio until a 1 bd unit opens up. My aunt is depressed thinking about moving from a 2bd condo down to a studio with a kitchenette for the two of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15K Poster, can you give us more details. What kind of apartment? Is this a spacious luxury 2 bedroom or something very special Or, what's driving-up the cost so high?

I wouldn’t call it spacious but yes, this is “luxury AL” (although I use that term very loosely) that offers memory care when it will be needed and is in close proximity to dc (bc we live nearby and need to get to parent quickly bc of jobs/kids/number of appts). 1 bedroom + living area (small) + high level care plan. Frankly, the care should be better for the cost, and many things in the plan aren’t happening, but I’m learning this is the ugly side of living in facilities - even the nicest ones. Everyone is short-staffed, underpaid and overworked, especially in the shadows of covid. The non-luxury version of this, in a community w/ more turnover, was 12k. A studio and lower care plan would be cheaper — my family member would’ve clawed my face off if I set them up in a studio.

Op here. Can I ask how much his expenses are above the charges for rent and care from the AL facility? I’m trying to figure out how much of a buffer my aunt and uncle would need above those charges.

Anonymous wrote:15K Poster, can you give us more details. What kind of apartment? Is this a spacious luxury 2 bedroom or something very special Or, what's driving-up the cost so high?

I wouldn’t call it spacious but yes, this is “luxury AL” (although I use that term very loosely) that offers memory care when it will be needed and is in close proximity to dc (bc we live nearby and need to get to parent quickly bc of jobs/kids/number of appts). 1 bedroom + living area (small) + high level care plan. Frankly, the care should be better for the cost, and many things in the plan aren’t happening, but I’m learning this is the ugly side of living in facilities - even the nicest ones. Everyone is short-staffed, underpaid and overworked, especially in the shadows of covid. The non-luxury version of this, in a community w/ more turnover, was 12k. A studio and lower care plan would be cheaper — my family member would’ve clawed my face off if I set them up in a studio.

15K Poster, can you give us more details. What kind of apartment? Is this a spacious luxury 2 bedroom or something very special Or, what's driving-up the cost so high?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

Seattle or California expensive?

I have one parent in AL in NOVA w memory issues but not in memory care. 15k.

I have one parent in AL Montgomery County w memory issues but not in memory car. $7500 a month. NOVA seems way more expensive. Even though I live closer to NOVA I am willing to drive to MD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

Seattle or California expensive?

I have one parent in AL in NOVA w memory issues but not in memory care. 15k.

Yes but you have to do your homework and look around. The east route is a brand name corporate memory care facility and those are $$$$$$.

Look at places in PA that are more rural. Not only is it cheaper, PA does not tax pensions. Because of this a lot of people from this area that are retired gov and military will retire there.

Anonymous wrote:Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

Seattle or California expensive?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

Op here. They’re actually in NY, but yes, the same principle applies.

I appreciate the references to military facilities. Looks like most of those would require him to qualify for independent living at time of entrance, which he wouldn’t at this point. The rehab facility believes he’d qualify for assisted living at discharge.

There are things going on with my cousins that I don’t understand. My NJ cousin is working with a lawyer to somehow shelter their assets/income so they qualify for Medicaid. They want them out in Ohio asap and have my aunt live with her daughter and my uncle in skilled nursing rather than AL. It breaks my heart. It’s a significantly lower quality of life than what they’d have living together in assisted living, whether that was in NY or OH. My aunt is being put under tremendous pressure to agree to the move without them explaining what she’s agreeing to or what the options really are.

There are family dynamics at play that I can’t deal with. I wish my aunt were more like the stubborn elderly people that others post about. Instead she’s trying to make everyone else happy at a time of her life when she should be prioritizing herself.

I think medicaid has a 5 year lookback period. So, aunt and uncle will likely have to pony up cash for living for at least 5 years. Some kids resist placing in a home to avoid depleting assets

The home is protected in a trust for over 5 years, so that part is done. It’s worth about $300k and I have to think between that and the remaining pension, she’d be okay in a place in OH once her spouse is gone. I don’t know how the lawyer plans to hide my uncles $9k pension/ss and $2k veterans benefit. I genuinely don’t understand why that seems to be the goal rather than getting them in comfortable, least-restrictive setting.