I have found using the idea of needing glasses as an example of how some things are easy for one person and hard for another because brains and bodies are different seems to work. There is no judgement around needing glasses and it is something kids know. I normally then talk about something that my kid is really good at that some people aren’t. Then move the conversation on to what the other kid is good at and what they find hard. You can always give more info if you (and your kid) want to if there are follow up questions.

And yes, this part is hard and it hurts to see kids treat your kid this way.

You don't owe anyone explanations. If neighbor adults/kids ever ask, I would just say he is working on it.

My 4 year old loves her asd/adhd 7 year old brother a lot, and she has not seen anything differences of her brother compared to other kids. She has helped him indirectly to get more attention and meet new kids to play together at playground. It is easier for 2 kids to get a new kid interested to play together. Well, he sometimes ditches her once he finds someone to play, but she is happy playing solo or around him.

My little girl is a social butterfly, and she is friendly and cheerful to make new friends (younger or older) easily everywhere we are at. Asd kid have challenges understanding other people feelings or nonverbal behavior, and they don't understand that you don't say everything out of mind because some words are hurtful, silly or mean. Sometimes, I use his sister as a learning lesson telling my boy why/what he did making her sad, angry, happy, cry etc, and sibling cannot unfriend each other esp she is really forgiving. My boy has casual friends at school, but no true close friends. He is a bit shy, but he has learned that sometimes it takes some tricks and observation to make others wanting to play with you. I hope that your boy gets friend one day.

My experience is that children do want a label for what they see. We were at the public pool on a weekday and there were 2 young adults with a caregiver. One of them was walking in the shallow end and making grunting noises and flailing their arms. My 5 and 7 year old kids had questions. I tried to answer vaguely about how everyone is different and the brain can be different too. But my kids were not satisfied until I said that I thought they had autism which is something you are born with and if it's severe enough it makes you act that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

why not be honest? If it’s a kid that is going to be around your kid I think it’s fair to give them an honest answer. No you don’t “ owe then one” but it would help the SN kid more if friends had some empathy and understanding.

Because your child's needs and diagnosis don't need to be shared with everyone especially without his consent.

Exactly this. It feels beyond not owing anyone (like a neighbor kid) an explanation involving private medical information and is more about sharing information without consent. I'm trying to protect my child's dignity.

how’s that working for him?

What an appalling response.

Not an appalling response.

Pp’s answer is obnoxious. Those of us who are more forthcoming about diagnoses also care about our child’s dignity. Also, some of us have kids with visible disabilities, which makes the way they phrased their response even more obnoxious. We are all trying to do our best for our kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

why not be honest? If it’s a kid that is going to be around your kid I think it’s fair to give them an honest answer. No you don’t “ owe then one” but it would help the SN kid more if friends had some empathy and understanding.

Because your child's needs and diagnosis don't need to be shared with everyone especially without his consent.

Exactly this. It feels beyond not owing anyone (like a neighbor kid) an explanation involving private medical information and is more about sharing information without consent. I'm trying to protect my child's dignity.

You are outcasting your child. Your child is different and instead of helping others understand, you make them question and assume what is wrong with him and that is wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

why not be honest? If it’s a kid that is going to be around your kid I think it’s fair to give them an honest answer. No you don’t “ owe then one” but it would help the SN kid more if friends had some empathy and understanding.

Because your child's needs and diagnosis don't need to be shared with everyone especially without his consent.

Exactly this. It feels beyond not owing anyone (like a neighbor kid) an explanation involving private medical information and is more about sharing information without consent. I'm trying to protect my child's dignity.

how’s that working for him?

What an appalling response.

it’s not meant to be. OP asked for ideas how to help him and his younger brother. She said he had no friends and the neighborhood kids run away. Explaining autism to them could go a long way to them understanding him and his differences. But she doesn’t want to because it’s his dignity and medical information. The problem is, her original problem won’t change. Her kid is not understood by his peers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

why not be honest? If it’s a kid that is going to be around your kid I think it’s fair to give them an honest answer. No you don’t “ owe then one” but it would help the SN kid more if friends had some empathy and understanding.

Because your child's needs and diagnosis don't need to be shared with everyone especially without his consent.

Exactly this. It feels beyond not owing anyone (like a neighbor kid) an explanation involving private medical information and is more about sharing information without consent. I'm trying to protect my child's dignity.

how’s that working for him?

What an appalling response.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

why not be honest? If it’s a kid that is going to be around your kid I think it’s fair to give them an honest answer. No you don’t “ owe then one” but it would help the SN kid more if friends had some empathy and understanding.

Because your child's needs and diagnosis don't need to be shared with everyone especially without his consent.

Exactly this. It feels beyond not owing anyone (like a neighbor kid) an explanation involving private medical information and is more about sharing information without consent. I'm trying to protect my child's dignity.

how’s that working for him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

why not be honest? If it’s a kid that is going to be around your kid I think it’s fair to give them an honest answer. No you don’t “ owe then one” but it would help the SN kid more if friends had some empathy and understanding.

Because your child's needs and diagnosis don't need to be shared with everyone especially without his consent.

Exactly this. It feels beyond not owing anyone (like a neighbor kid) an explanation involving private medical information and is more about sharing information without consent. I'm trying to protect my child's dignity.

Anonymous wrote:His brain works a different way than yours and mine, and that makes it hard for his words to be understood when he talks, but he’s working on it. He gets frustrated at never being understood and we try to help him deal with his frustration in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone.

Basically this. “His brain works differently from yours or mine, and it affects how he x, y, & z.”