Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

OP here, I'm 30.

Op i am a pp and I said this to my cousin this week so want to pass it along, one of the things that I feel like is really hard in deciding to have kids is I feel like especially as you get in your early 30s and friends are having kids, it's really hard to see from the outside the good parts of parenting or what make it worth it. I absolutely don't want to sugarcoat it because it can be extremely hard. This is really only to say that it's easy to see the hard parts from the outside, but the moments of pure bliss at watching these little humans grow is impossible to quanitify or really see from the outside. I had babies fairly early from my friends (29) so I had no idea really what I was getting into ha, but my friends who have watched other friends i think honestly have more reservations because they do see those hard parts. And they are there. But just know, that the good parts are hard to quantify and see from the outside. But they are there!!

^sorry to be a Debbie Downer but I feel the opposite is true -- it's harder to see the isolating, relentless and depressing parts of parenting from the outside, and easier to see the happy highlight reel (look at all your Christmas card pictures and your Facebook). I never regretted having a kid but during the pandemic came very close to feeling that way. I am glad you are being cautious, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A night nurse if you can afford it

If you can't, a family member who can come stay with you and help during the day so you can catch up on sleep.

And yes, DH should be doing some of the overnight even if he has to go into work.

+1. And don't BF exclusively. I said it. The DC area is full of La Leche League die-hard types, and don't get me wrong breastfeeding has benefits, but if you tether yourself to being the sole source of nutrition for your infant, you're gonna have a bad time sleep-wise. Introduce a bottle early - in the first two or three weeks of life. Otherwise it will all be on you, Mom

I'm 100% pro-choice in how you feed your baby, just keep in mind that formula-feeding is not a guarantee that your baby still sleep through the night, or even "well". Yes your DH can help with the feedings, but that doesn't mean you get plenty of uninterrupted sleep, and naps can be tough too. I formula fed my first and he was a terrible sleeper as an infant/baby/even into early toddlerhood. My second was breastfed and her sleep was better.

+1 it can definitely help in some cases to have more flexible feeding practices but both my kids were formula fed and both dropped their last feed at around 9 months which isn't that different than many breastfed babies. My friend's baby who was formula fed was still waking asking for the bottle at 12 months. It certainly can help that it's easier to switch off though so that is valid. My recommendation would be to not make any decisions on feeding before having the baby. Givng breastfeeding a try is usually worth it while keeping an open mind to switch to formula if it's causing stress. There is just toooo much about feeding that is unpredictable that it is not worth it to be set on some plan. You can't predict how baby will react to any of the above things, how you will feel etc. (for example, some babies love formula, some will resist it! Some babies love the breast and breatfeed easily, many have all sorts of things they have to work through in the beginning to do it effectively, some women think they won't want to breastfeed and then love it, some think they will love it and hate it). Feeding a newborn for me (poster above who also is a big sleeper) and most of my friends was actually one of the harder parts of newborn life. The sleep you're prepared for. The feeding.. ugh. But you figure it out! just don't get set on something like oh I'm going to do x becaue then it will solve the sleep problem. Go in open.

This is really the heart of things. I think it's reasonable to plan to do at least some formula (so both parents can share night duties) but really every kid is different; how they eat is different; how they sleep is different. There's no magic bullet you can decide on ahead of time that will let you avoid any specific problem.

That being said, I would definitely talk to the your DH about your concerns and figure out how you guys want to experiment with splitting duties in a way that takes into account your different strengths and weaknesses. It's great that you're already considering the things you know the will make it much harder for you. Personally, I do well with sleep deprivation (I can't nap and struggle to get back to sleep at night sometimes, but running on 5-6 hours of sleep doesn't kill me) so I have no issue being the Parent Who Gets Up Overnight even while working. On the other hand, I'm easily bored so the primary way I "play" with my babies is basically keeping them near me while doing chores. DH is the one who sits there with black and white cards and stacks endless block towers and tolerates the demands that he draw a snowman approximately 100 times in an hour.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

OP here, I'm 30.

Op i am a pp and I said this to my cousin this week so want to pass it along, one of the things that I feel like is really hard in deciding to have kids is I feel like especially as you get in your early 30s and friends are having kids, it's really hard to see from the outside the good parts of parenting or what make it worth it. I absolutely don't want to sugarcoat it because it can be extremely hard. This is really only to say that it's easy to see the hard parts from the outside, but the moments of pure bliss at watching these little humans grow is impossible to quanitify or really see from the outside. I had babies fairly early from my friends (29) so I had no idea really what I was getting into ha, but my friends who have watched other friends i think honestly have more reservations because they do see those hard parts. And they are there. But just know, that the good parts are hard to quantify and see from the outside. But they are there!!

Hi OP,
I am like you. My brother is the same. The answer for us is do NOT nap during the day but go to bed VERY early. I have twins who are now older. But when they were babies, I needed to start my nighttime sleep when I put them down at 9pm. We’d cycle through feedings a few times a night and I wouldn’t consider it morning until 9am. So I essentially needed 12 hrs of interrupted sleep to equal 8/9 hrs of regular sleep. My brother’s kid slept through the night early on without any training, so he lucked out, but I think that’s rare. I sleep trained at 5 mths and that was a game changer. I don’t know what the guidance is now or whether it’s controversial, but it was totally what we did 11 years ago and with twins, you need to do what you need to do.

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

OP here, I'm 30.

Anonymous wrote:Lol don’t have kids my friends you will never get the sleep you need. I am right and if you have kids bookmark this post so you can come back and confirm I’m right.

I'm all about being cautious/conservative about the decision to have kids but if you have only one kid (or a large age gap between kids), build a system of support, and you sleep train, you will not miss out on sleep for long.

Lol don’t have kids my friends you will never get the sleep you need. I am right and if you have kids bookmark this post so you can come back and confirm I’m right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A night nurse if you can afford it

If you can't, a family member who can come stay with you and help during the day so you can catch up on sleep.

And yes, DH should be doing some of the overnight even if he has to go into work.

+1. And don't BF exclusively. I said it. The DC area is full of La Leche League die-hard types, and don't get me wrong breastfeeding has benefits, but if you tether yourself to being the sole source of nutrition for your infant, you're gonna have a bad time sleep-wise. Introduce a bottle early - in the first two or three weeks of life. Otherwise it will all be on you, Mom

I'm 100% pro-choice in how you feed your baby, just keep in mind that formula-feeding is not a guarantee that your baby still sleep through the night, or even "well". Yes your DH can help with the feedings, but that doesn't mean you get plenty of uninterrupted sleep, and naps can be tough too. I formula fed my first and he was a terrible sleeper as an infant/baby/even into early toddlerhood. My second was breastfed and her sleep was better.

I love how you gloss over that DH can help if you formula feed. That is a HUGE BENEFIT. Being responsible for 100% or even 90% of the baby's feedings is what drives many new mother insane. Formula allows that split much more easily. So DH can give the 11pm bottle, while mom sleeps solid from 8pm-2am. If you are breastfeeding, you would still need to pump or you'd become incredibly uncomfortable during that stretch.

So yes, being open to formula would be my suggestion too.

DH, or grandma, or nanny...it's an incredible benefit.

Being the only one who can feed at night is depressing, quite literally.

And anecdotal but my FF baby slept through the night at 11 weeks

Your hormones will give you an adrenaline rush for the first few weeks. After that, your heavy and leaky boobs will help wake you up (if you are bfing).

Honestly, your sleep demands might change. Birth is a huge "re-set" on the body sometimes. I used to be a heavy sleeper, but that all went away when the baby was born- I woke up at the slightest sound of a whimper....and to this day, I can hear my kids' little footsteps walking in their room (despite carpeting, down the hallway, door closed, etc).

On a side note, you might want to get some blood work done. Perhaps you're anemic if you are as sleep heavy as you say.
That 1st trimester of pregnancy is brutal enough for even the most well rested.

OP with my first I didn't find it that terrible. It wasn't fun really, but it was temporary and we made it through. I made a lot of choices that prioritized my sleep over everything else. I didn't socialize with my friends much and skipped anything that took place after about 7pm. People thought I was nuts a bit, but I just had to make sure I got rest when I could.

It got much better after the first 6 months. Your hormones help push you through a bit too.

The 2nd baby was about 100 times harder, because we had a toddler too. That was the one that convinced me to stop at 2, even though he was a good sleeper. It was much more difficult.

Anonymous wrote:Like you, I was really worried about this. Personally, I did not find it to be as bad as everyone said; seems like it is one of those things people love to say to scare expectant parents. My baby has always been a really good sleeper. He's 8 months old and has been sleeping through the night consistently for months now. But I think it really depends on your kid, and I'm sure there are people on here who have had awful experiences.

One of the things that probably helped us is that we do formula. I know that can be controversial, but if sleep is your top priority, you should consider it. It allowed us to share the responsibility of feeding him and get him on a schedule. Even in the newborn stage, when babies have to eat every 2-3 hours, we were able to work it so that we each only had to get up once in the middle of the night to feed him. Formula takes longer to digest, so he wouldn't wake up hungry between feedings. I think by around 4 months we had dropped the overnight bottles entirely.

Depending on how much money you want to spend, there are lots of other solutions out there. Night nurse, sleep consultants, the Snoo...I'm sure there are more.

I could have written this exactly! Didn’t use a snoo or night nurse, but it add formula and a sleep consultant (especially useful before going back to work).

Sorry I should add that YES it is so helpful to have spouse/partner be able to do some feeds, that is a huge benefit of formula. But as a mostly formula mom, I actually found doing night feeds much easier when breastfeeding. I could stay pretty sleepy, do a feed, good chemicals were released to keep me sleepy during the feed and then I would doze right back off. With formula, I had to wake more fully up and it was harder to go back to sleep. Again, formula feeding was right for my family in my case did overall get me better sleep because my babies had dairy protein intolerances but I just think it's better not to simplify one thing as obviously better than the other because I have seen sooo many different combos of things work best for different friends and family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A night nurse if you can afford it

If you can't, a family member who can come stay with you and help during the day so you can catch up on sleep.

And yes, DH should be doing some of the overnight even if he has to go into work.

+1. And don't BF exclusively. I said it. The DC area is full of La Leche League die-hard types, and don't get me wrong breastfeeding has benefits, but if you tether yourself to being the sole source of nutrition for your infant, you're gonna have a bad time sleep-wise. Introduce a bottle early - in the first two or three weeks of life. Otherwise it will all be on you, Mom

I'm 100% pro-choice in how you feed your baby, just keep in mind that formula-feeding is not a guarantee that your baby still sleep through the night, or even "well". Yes your DH can help with the feedings, but that doesn't mean you get plenty of uninterrupted sleep, and naps can be tough too. I formula fed my first and he was a terrible sleeper as an infant/baby/even into early toddlerhood. My second was breastfed and her sleep was better.

+1 it can definitely help in some cases to have more flexible feeding practices but both my kids were formula fed and both dropped their last feed at around 9 months which isn't that different than many breastfed babies. My friend's baby who was formula fed was still waking asking for the bottle at 12 months. It certainly can help that it's easier to switch off though so that is valid. My recommendation would be to not make any decisions on feeding before having the baby. Givng breastfeeding a try is usually worth it while keeping an open mind to switch to formula if it's causing stress. There is just toooo much about feeding that is unpredictable that it is not worth it to be set on some plan. You can't predict how baby will react to any of the above things, how you will feel etc. (for example, some babies love formula, some will resist it! Some babies love the breast and breatfeed easily, many have all sorts of things they have to work through in the beginning to do it effectively, some women think they won't want to breastfeed and then love it, some think they will love it and hate it). Feeding a newborn for me (poster above who also is a big sleeper) and most of my friends was actually one of the harder parts of newborn life. The sleep you're prepared for. The feeding.. ugh. But you figure it out! just don't get set on something like oh I'm going to do x becaue then it will solve the sleep problem. Go in open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A night nurse if you can afford it

If you can't, a family member who can come stay with you and help during the day so you can catch up on sleep.

And yes, DH should be doing some of the overnight even if he has to go into work.

+1. And don't BF exclusively. I said it. The DC area is full of La Leche League die-hard types, and don't get me wrong breastfeeding has benefits, but if you tether yourself to being the sole source of nutrition for your infant, you're gonna have a bad time sleep-wise. Introduce a bottle early - in the first two or three weeks of life. Otherwise it will all be on you, Mom

I'm 100% pro-choice in how you feed your baby, just keep in mind that formula-feeding is not a guarantee that your baby still sleep through the night, or even "well". Yes your DH can help with the feedings, but that doesn't mean you get plenty of uninterrupted sleep, and naps can be tough too. I formula fed my first and he was a terrible sleeper as an infant/baby/even into early toddlerhood. My second was breastfed and her sleep was better.

I love how you gloss over that DH can help if you formula feed. That is a HUGE BENEFIT. Being responsible for 100% or even 90% of the baby's feedings is what drives many new mother insane. Formula allows that split much more easily. So DH can give the 11pm bottle, while mom sleeps solid from 8pm-2am. If you are breastfeeding, you would still need to pump or you'd become incredibly uncomfortable during that stretch.

So yes, being open to formula would be my suggestion too.

How old are you OP?