Anonymous wrote:OP here, after reading over everybody's opinion I think I agree that perhaps it's best we don't do this. I'm just so desperate to make our relationship work, I would hate for us to just split apart because I don't know how the kids would take it.

I'm way too desperate and maybe I'm willing to do anything to save our relationship. We've been in couples therapy for about 7 months now and while there's been minimal improvement, the sexual desire for one another is not there.

There are times where I fantasize about sleeping with my next door neighbor and have almost gone through with it but have stopped short because I made a commitment to my husband.

Do you all think maybe it's time we just divorce and in the relationship or is this something worth saving?

Anonymous wrote:OP here, after reading over everybody's opinion I think I agree that perhaps it's best we don't do this. I'm just so desperate to make our relationship work, I would hate for us to just split apart because I don't know how the kids would take it.

I'm way too desperate and maybe I'm willing to do anything to save our relationship. We've been in couples therapy for about 7 months now and while there's been minimal improvement, the sexual desire for one another is not there.

There are times where I fantasize about sleeping with my next door neighbor and have almost gone through with it but have stopped short because I made a commitment to my husband.

Do you all think maybe it's time we just divorce and in the relationship or is this something worth saving?

Anonymous wrote:One thing is 100% certain: if you aren't having regular sex with him, he will (if not already) be going elsewhere to meet those needs. So granting him an official hall pass at least makes that easier for everybody, avoids the dishonesty of him just sneaking around.

to all then PP's who say "no don't do that" .... you are saying let their sexless marriage quickly crash/burn/divorce. How is THAT a better solution?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing is 100% certain: if you aren't having regular sex with him, he will (if not already) be going elsewhere to meet those needs. So granting him an official hall pass at least makes that easier for everybody, avoids the dishonesty of him just sneaking around.

to all then PP's who say "no don't do that" .... you are saying let their sexless marriage quickly crash/burn/divorce. How is THAT a better solution?

The bold isn't accurate. At least one PP says they need to communicate and talk seriously about WHY they're not feeling desire for each other and then work on that.

I'd also add they may need to get an objective third party like a marriage therapist to help them do this. Rarely is there merely a case of "everything else is fine, we just don't feel desire, so, hall pass/open marriage/whatever will fix it." There's more than just loss of desire going on--that usually has roots in SOME other factor but OP has not mentioned any others. Just because she doesn't mention it does not mean there's no other issue between them.

OP, if you are talking hall passes, what have you done before this to work on the marriage? Do you and he communicate frankly?

Also: It is VERY common, OP, for couples to hit rocky patches and for sex to drop off a cliff during child-rearing years especially with young children. You have FIVE kids which I think some PPs are not seeing in your post. Of course you are both preoccupied, busy, exhausted, stressed, going all over the place to take kids everywhere, etc. etc. Have you considered that the lack of desire might be pure exhaustion and stress from being parents, maybe both of you (?) working parents, with five children? Or did you both just say, eh, not interested -- let's try having sex with other people? Sex with others won't save the marriage if he, or you, comes home after a hall pass outing and the kids and spouse are...still there, day to day life is still the same. The marraige and family life are not solely about the sex, and providing no-strings sex will not fix larger issues.

By the way, if you're already juggling five kids and jobs, then finding other partners, finding time to see them, maybe dealing with the messiness of a "hall pass" partner wanting more of your DH...Are you really ready for all that? Work on the marriage first, wake up to the fact you're a couple with kids which can be a desire-killer temporarily, and get therapy if things are already so bad you are talking hall passes. By the way, the term "hall pass" usually means one time or with one particular person or both. He likely will want more people, or more sex with that one person. You get that--right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing is 100% certain: if you aren't having regular sex with him, he will (if not already) be going elsewhere to meet those needs. So granting him an official hall pass at least makes that easier for everybody, avoids the dishonesty of him just sneaking around.

to all then PP's who say "no don't do that" .... you are saying let their sexless marriage quickly crash/burn/divorce. How is THAT a better solution?

That’s you. That’s not all men. No matter how many times you post that it’s a universal truth, it just is not.

I’m the higher drive DW and it’s just simply 100% not true that our frequency predicts his infidelity risk. The only thing it measures is his stress level.

Anonymous wrote:One thing is 100% certain: if you aren't having regular sex with him, he will (if not already) be going elsewhere to meet those needs. So granting him an official hall pass at least makes that easier for everybody, avoids the dishonesty of him just sneaking around.

to all then PP's who say "no don't do that" .... you are saying let their sexless marriage quickly crash/burn/divorce. How is THAT a better solution?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing is 100% certain: if you aren't having regular sex with him, he will (if not already) be going elsewhere to meet those needs. So granting him an official hall pass at least makes that easier for everybody, avoids the dishonesty of him just sneaking around.

to all then PP's who say "no don't do that" .... you are saying let their sexless marriage quickly crash/burn/divorce. How is THAT a better solution?

That’s you. That’s not all men. No matter how many times you post that it’s a universal truth, it just is not.

I’m the higher drive DW and it’s just simply 100% not true that our frequency predicts his infidelity risk. The only thing it measures is his stress level.

Sure but some 3-4 weeks mixed with some 0-1 weeks isn’t the same as some 0-4 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing is 100% certain: if you aren't having regular sex with him, he will (if not already) be going elsewhere to meet those needs. So granting him an official hall pass at least makes that easier for everybody, avoids the dishonesty of him just sneaking around.

to all then PP's who say "no don't do that" .... you are saying let their sexless marriage quickly crash/burn/divorce. How is THAT a better solution?

That’s you. That’s not all men. No matter how many times you post that it’s a universal truth, it just is not.

I’m the higher drive DW and it’s just simply 100% not true that our frequency predicts his infidelity risk. The only thing it measures is his stress level.