Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 16:20     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH isn’t ugly but he’s less attractive than me and sometimes I feel annoyed by it for some reason. Or jealous of friends with more attractive husbands. Also, our kids have some of his less attractive features which which I feel annoyed about too sometimes…

I know, I’m horrible. Can anyone relate though? How do I get over it?


Yes, you are horrible and superficial.


+1
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 16:09     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:I was just ruminating on how I no longer find DH attractive at all since he gained 25lbs. I have tried to play mental games around this but I cannot force myself to be sexually attracted to someone whose body is now objectively unattractive. I love him, but I simply do not want to do it with him. At all. He’s a good guy so this bothers me. He is probably the least handsome and fit man I ever dated, but he was decently slender and sexy when we met. He’s let himself go and I know it’s hard because he works hard, but attractiveness is a priority for me. (Yes, I am still fit.) I don’t know if I just suck it up with the lights out for maintenance sex, but it’s depressing as hell. I cannot initiate no matter how I try to psych myself up. I’m sad about it. Hoping he’ll fix things.


25 pounds is nothing. I'd tell him in your shoes. He can sneeze and lose this weight. It's such an easy fix that he should not be offended if you told him since its affecting the sex. He too would enjoy better sex.

And no, to the pps who would ask if the same advice would apply in the reverse scenario. It's not the same thing with women. Its much harder to lose weight and we are very self concious about our weight. It will actually make our desire disappear if you mention our weight. Men don't need to feel beautiful to get turned on. We do.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 16:08     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH is much more attractive than me, and that’s okay. I love him for so much more than his looks. I would love him just as much as if he wasn’t as attractive. Keeping in shape is really important to him, so he works out and watches what he eats. If he had a belly I’d still be attracted to him.

I wonder if he wishes I was more attractive. He had never said anything and we have an active and adventurous sex life. I adore him and we seem to have fun when we’re together. He doesn’t seem to expect me to be as comparably attractive as him.

OP, why does his looks matter to you? Are you no longer attracted to him? Are you as kind and fun as him? Do you make as much money? So many ways to assess a person. Looks is only one category.


I make more money but am certainly not as kind. I mean look at what I posted!



You get over it by being less shallow. If you can’t see the other good qualities, then you are just shallow. Maybe some self reflection on why appearance is so important to you. Also, comparison is the thief of joy. Stop comparing him to other men you’ve dated or other men you know now.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 16:05     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:DH is much more attractive than me, and that’s okay. I love him for so much more than his looks. I would love him just as much as if he wasn’t as attractive. Keeping in shape is really important to him, so he works out and watches what he eats. If he had a belly I’d still be attracted to him.

I wonder if he wishes I was more attractive. He had never said anything and we have an active and adventurous sex life. I adore him and we seem to have fun when we’re together. He doesn’t seem to expect me to be as comparably attractive as him.

OP, why does his looks matter to you? Are you no longer attracted to him? Are you as kind and fun as him? Do you make as much money? So many ways to assess a person. Looks is only one category.


I make more money but am certainly not as kind. I mean look at what I posted!

Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 16:03     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine dating, let alone marrying, an unattractive man. So no.


Fair point.
So, OP, how did you pick this man in the first place? You seem to really dislike certain of his features.


I actually found him to be pretty cute even if he didn’t have objectively good features. And I married him for a lot of other reasons other than his looks (you know, personality, intelligence). But now (years later) I focus on the looks a bit more for some reason. I think part of it is I’ve grown more confident about my own looks over the years, which made me realize there’s a discrepancy between mine and his..


OP,

You are having a mid life crisis.

This too shall pass.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:59     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
DH is much more attractive than me, and that’s okay. I love him for so much more than his looks. I would love him just as much as if he wasn’t as attractive. Keeping in shape is really important to him, so he works out and watches what he eats. If he had a belly I’d still be attracted to him.

I wonder if he wishes I was more attractive. He had never said anything and we have an active and adventurous sex life. I adore him and we seem to have fun when we’re together. He doesn’t seem to expect me to be as comparably attractive as him.

OP, why does his looks matter to you? Are you no longer attracted to him? Are you as kind and fun as him? Do you make as much money? So many ways to assess a person. Looks is only one category.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:56     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
I was just ruminating on how I no longer find DH attractive at all since he gained 25lbs. I have tried to play mental games around this but I cannot force myself to be sexually attracted to someone whose body is now objectively unattractive. I love him, but I simply do not want to do it with him. At all. He’s a good guy so this bothers me. He is probably the least handsome and fit man I ever dated, but he was decently slender and sexy when we met. He’s let himself go and I know it’s hard because he works hard, but attractiveness is a priority for me. (Yes, I am still fit.) I don’t know if I just suck it up with the lights out for maintenance sex, but it’s depressing as hell. I cannot initiate no matter how I try to psych myself up. I’m sad about it. Hoping he’ll fix things.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:52     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:Would a mini makeover help him be more attractive again? My husband went from a 4 to a 9 with new haircut, facial hair, and clothes in his best colors (He had no idea). He should have been scooped YEARS before I met him, but other women must not have had vision. The beard is a non-negotiable presence in our marriage. He has lots of sway over my styling in return.


Should she make over her kids too ?

Mommy thinks you're ugly baby we're going to fix you up
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:51     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:Would a mini makeover help him be more attractive again? My husband went from a 4 to a 9 with new haircut, facial hair, and clothes in his best colors (He had no idea). He should have been scooped YEARS before I met him, but other women must not have had vision. The beard is a non-negotiable presence in our marriage. He has lots of sway over my styling in return.


Here’s a sample of men who changed their look. Most of the leading guys lost weight or quite chemo, but there are a sprinkling of other changes as you get farther down the list.

https://www.boredpanda.com/men-before-after-changes/

Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:50     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine dating, let alone marrying, an unattractive man. So no.


Fair point.
So, OP, how did you pick this man in the first place? You seem to really dislike certain of his features.


I actually found him to be pretty cute even if he didn’t have objectively good features. And I married him for a lot of other reasons other than his looks (you know, personality, intelligence). But now (years later) I focus on the looks a bit more for some reason. I think part of it is I’ve grown more confident about my own looks over the years, which made me realize there’s a discrepancy between mine and his..


It's ashame your self esteem hasn't improved with age. H
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:49     Subject: Re:Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:no, I can honestly say I don't wish this.

I don't care if others find him attractive or not but I do.


Same. He's attractive to me and that's all that matters
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:48     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Would a mini makeover help him be more attractive again? My husband went from a 4 to a 9 with new haircut, facial hair, and clothes in his best colors (He had no idea). He should have been scooped YEARS before I met him, but other women must not have had vision. The beard is a non-negotiable presence in our marriage. He has lots of sway over my styling in return.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:48     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:The more attractive a man is, the more successful a man is, the more his options increase, and I like that I am really attracted to my DH but not necessarily everyone else is.

I know a really tall, attractive man who is constantly hit on my women. A friend feels sorry for his wife because that's a lot of women to fend off, and sometimes she actively has to!



She never has to fend them off, that's her husband's job
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:26     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:I cannot sleep with a man I find unattractive. Looks are important, personality is important, hygiene brains, morals are also important to me. I do not care if the person is not too wealthy. MC is fine by me. But, my ovaries would shrivel into dust if the man was unattractive, unclean, dumb, obnoxious or a jerk. Eeeekkk.

That is the reason that I admire the Kardashians. They end up with really hideous looking or weird men. How are they sleeping with them? Or having kids with them? These are women who are not shallow at all.

Similarly, women like Melania who married Donnie. She had to sleep with him at least once or twice, right? That woman has done so much to help her parents out of a communist country and bring them to America. This is for me a great example of filial piety and self sacrifice!





Khloe and Lamar are equals in the looks department. Her children's father is attractive enough too. Kim is the one who dates men less attractive than herself.

We average looking girls find average looking men attractive. 😏 Lamar will check the " attractive" box for me. He will fail every single item on my list, but his looks are just fine. Same with her children's father.

Now Donnie is in an unattractive category that does not even exist yet. That man is hideous.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2022 15:17     Subject: Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine dating, let alone marrying, an unattractive man. So no.


Fair point.
So, OP, how did you pick this man in the first place? You seem to really dislike certain of his features.


I actually found him to be pretty cute even if he didn’t have objectively good features. And I married him for a lot of other reasons other than his looks (you know, personality, intelligence). But now (years later) I focus on the looks a bit more for some reason. I think part of it is I’ve grown more confident about my own looks over the years, which made me realize there’s a discrepancy between mine and his..