Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child married to someone with siblings. We have kids.

I was perfectly content being an only child when I was growing up. I had my own room, didn't have to fight over what program to watch on the TV, and was able to go to a more expensive colllege because my parents didn't have to put multiple kids through school. The community I grew up in had kids everywhere, so there was always someone to play with or hang out with. The only time I suffered for not having a sibling was on vacations, when it would have been nice to have another kid to do things with.

As an adult, I wish I had siblings. I would like for my kids to have aunts, uncles and cousins on my side of the family. And I have an aging parent who may need support soon, and the idea of doing that all on my own, without the help of adult siblings, is daunting.

This resonates so much with me. It was fine growing up as an only. I was introverted and loved reading and my small group of friends. We also had family friends and extended family very often (like weekly). It was not lonely at all. I am close to my parents and got a lot of attention (but also some friction).

As an adult with my own kids I hate it. It feels very isolating. I wish my kids have close uncles, aunts and cousins. Yes I realize it doesn't always work out that way, we can make our own community etc. But the holidays etc always leave me feeling depressed and a bit lost like there just isn't anyone close in our orbit to share our lives with.

I am an only with so far, an only. I loved my childhood and was (and still am) so close with my parents. In recent years, the health issues have started, and that can be daunting. It is both a blessing and a curse to be the only one on call. Blessing- I handle it, I trust my judgment, I don't have to deal with other drama. Curse- It's all on me.

My DH has siblings all within 2 years of each other. Big extended family. We interact with them far less than you'd think. Maybe holidays in person once a year, twice is a lot. The downside of a big extended family is just that- they too have other in laws and family to see. So it is not like we have a close and regular orbit of his extended family around.

Re; Siblings. I thank my lucky stars to be an only child, compared to DH's siblings. One of them he barely speaks to- the only one with kids and cousins for my kid. Hence, no cousin relationship there. The other is extremely awkward, is unmarried without kids and lives a very different lifestyle- hard to relate to each other. The last one is just kind of an Aunt to my kid on paper. She says all the right things- sends the birthday cards on time every year, the xmas gift etc- but there is no there there. No real depth of relationship.

My DH has 3 siblings and an extended family and when drafting our wills and talking about guardianship, he specifically said he did not want any of his siblings to be considered for guardians for our child.

You can have a big family and be very lonely.

Between me and my spouse, we've almost a dozen siblings but few are out of the country and others in different states so no practical advantage, other than monthly calls or a visit to or from someone once a year or so.

I’m an only who really wanted siblings. We have two.

Anonymous wrote:I’m an only child with an only child. My mom, dad, MIL, FIL and DH all have shitty relationships with some or all of their siblings. I wouldn’t mind a sibling or a sibling for my DD If I could guarantee everyone gets along, isn’t crazy or narcissistic, etc but it doesn’t work that way unfortunately.

This about sums up my thoughts as well. I'd add one caveat, however, that children with siblings are better socialized.

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only and parent of an only, I've never felt like I'm missing support not having siblings. I know people with siblings who have great supportive relationships and I know people with siblings who have awful relationships that make their lives worse. There's just not really a way to know what you'll get until it happens.

+1

Parent of an only. I have three siblings. I don’t derive support or companionship from my siblings, and in a couple instances they’ve made me feel less supported and less a part of my family (bullying, exclusion). My DH is closer to his sibling than I am to mine, but again not a source of support. His sibling has struggled quite a bit in life and mostly my DH has been in the support role.

I know some people derive companionship and support from siblings; it just hasn’t been our experience. This did partly drive our decision to only have one, but not because we assumed our kids would not have a good relationship. Rather, because we don’t have particularly supportive families, we decided to stop at a number of kids we felt we could handle with any family support. For us that was one. We can’t give our only siblings as a support network, but we have a happy, functional family life and she gets lots of support from us. We are at least glad that we can offer that.

I'm an only and planned on having an only but ended up with twins. I appreciated not having to share resources as a child, although I was lonely at times. I did have lots of friends in the neighborhood, so I could always find someone to hang with, but my parents wouldn't let me outside if it was raining, so those days were boring. As an adult, it would be nice if I had a close sibling, but I don't miss it, and I see plenty of friends with terrible relationships with siblings, so a good one is not guaranteed at all.

I think at least one of my kids wishes she were an only. They fight everyday, and it drives me insane. They are also close and love each other, but the chaos and arguing is really grating to someone who grew up as an only child in a quiet house.

I have an only child. I am one of three. I don’t have much of a relationship with my two siblings. In fact, we’ve got through some real health issues recently with my DC, and my sister has hardly checked in whereas friends and neighbors are so much more attentive and caring.

I do hope my DC’s cousins will be like siblings when they’re older in the sense that DC could rely on them as family, but time will tell.

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only. I had a happy childhood and have a good relationship with my parents. I also have an only by choice. I like our small close family. DH has 2 siblings but they're not super close and add a lot of complications when it comes to dealing with their aging parents.

I’m in a similar situation except DH has more than 2 siblings. Some he’s close to and others he’s not. There were quite a few times that having so many siblings added significant stress when it came to decisions regarding their parents. Only two were even slightly helpful when emptying and selling their parents house.

There really is no perfect family size. It is what you make of it.

Anonymous wrote:I have an only child. (DH and I both have siblings and come from large extended families.)

I can see the benefits of having siblings, but being an only has benefits too for the whole family. We can live a higher quality of life and have a calmer family dynamic with just one. And, most importantly: I would not be able to handle more than one. As my grandma said, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"

I have an only. I agree with this. However, I did lose my mom a few months ago and the comfort my sisters (who are also my best friends) and I have given each other is immesureable. But he is very close with his cousins and hoping that when that day comes, he has a family and his cousins and friends who will support him.

My DH have 15 siblings between us. Most of the relationships are strained or estranged, not a lot of support or respect, lots of inequity. We have 1 DC on purpose.

I'm an only. I had a happy childhood and have a good relationship with my parents. I also have an only by choice. I like our small close family. DH has 2 siblings but they're not super close and add a lot of complications when it comes to dealing with their aging parents.

I’m an only with an only.

There are advantages and disadvantages to every type of family structure.

For me as a child, it worked. There were times I wanted a sibling but truly it was to play with a baby, not to have a friend or larger family.
For my child, it works. They are a teen and have never wanted a sibling, sometimes actively. They have notes at times it seems less boring to have a sibling for vacations, but the way they behave on vacations is pretty chill that’s probably just some light FOMO.
For me as a parent, it works. I would have gone for 2 but we compromised at 1. In the end I am a great mom and a great professional doing what I love, but at 95% steam. No way could I have done that with more than 1 kid.

That’s about all I can say.

My husband is an only. I think the main downside was noted above. He feels very alone in the idea of caring for his parents. He has me and my family but it's not the same as having someone else there who also was raised by these same people. And, it does mean our kids have very few cousins.

BUT, there are upsides. And, in life, there are upsides and downside to all of it. I think he's had a very happy fulfilled life with lots of attention and resources.

I am an only and desperately wanted siblings when younger because my single mom was low energy. She was a great mom and took good care of me but I was very jealous of friends w built in playmates. My DH has a brother that is extremely difficult (both as a kid and as an adult). I dread when his parents pass away because I know my BIL will be very shady and vicious about splitting the estate. I have two kids a boy and girl and they annoy the crap out of each other. I really hope they get closer as they get older.