Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but what do you do when your child doesn’t want to do therapy? I was finally able to convince my DD16 to try it and two sessions in the therapist said she can’t help because DD isn’t motivated and she (the therapist) doesn’t think there’s anything “wrong” with her. I agree that there isn’t anything wrong but she does have social anxiety that keeps her from doing most things at this age, including seeing any friends outside of school. I hate having to throw in the towel so quickly but this therapist basically gave my DD permission to stop because she doesn’t need it.

I’m in this same situation. DD 15 won’t do anything social outside of school. Every school break is spent sitting around at home unless we as parents are entertaining her. It’s a really difficult situation.

Op here… dd is not on any social media. She has a phone and texts friends about things like schoolwork or structured activities and will reply to friends when they text her but never ever initiates on her own. If I hound her to make plans she will and always is happy afterwards but she does not take the step to actually do it herself. It’s exhausting and frustrating having to be the one keeping her socially engaged. If I thought she truly didn’t enjoy getting out with friends or participating in some of these activities I’d prob back off and chalk it up to her being more of an introvert, but it’s not that. She’s at the point now where fear of rejection, fear or looking silly and fear of being excluded is keeping her from being more engaged.

This is my DD exactly. I understand your frustration.

We thought our introverted D ( now 18) also had society anxiety & depression, with issues beginning in middle school. After seeing many therapists , we finally took her to a pscyh, who suggested a neuropsych evaluation for autism spectrum disorder. She has the mildest form, but it is frequently overlooked in smart, introverted girls and only becomes evident when they hit puberty and have to become more social . Just a thought .

I so appreciate these posts. I have a soon to be 13 yr old daughter who has ADHD and we are now learning more about social anxiety. Tried for years to help her make friends, but really nothing has stuck. So I think the anxiety has grown over the years. Looking at CBT therapy groups. Is it acceptable to think she could make friends in therapy?
Appreciate any advice.
Stressed but hopeful in Md.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but what do you do when your child doesn’t want to do therapy? I was finally able to convince my DD16 to try it and two sessions in the therapist said she can’t help because DD isn’t motivated and she (the therapist) doesn’t think there’s anything “wrong” with her. I agree that there isn’t anything wrong but she does have social anxiety that keeps her from doing most things at this age, including seeing any friends outside of school. I hate having to throw in the towel so quickly but this therapist basically gave my DD permission to stop because she doesn’t need it.

I’m in this same situation. DD 15 won’t do anything social outside of school. Every school break is spent sitting around at home unless we as parents are entertaining her. It’s a really difficult situation.

Op here… dd is not on any social media. She has a phone and texts friends about things like schoolwork or structured activities and will reply to friends when they text her but never ever initiates on her own. If I hound her to make plans she will and always is happy afterwards but she does not take the step to actually do it herself. It’s exhausting and frustrating having to be the one keeping her socially engaged. If I thought she truly didn’t enjoy getting out with friends or participating in some of these activities I’d prob back off and chalk it up to her being more of an introvert, but it’s not that. She’s at the point now where fear of rejection, fear or looking silly and fear of being excluded is keeping her from being more engaged.

Your DD sounds a lot like mine. I'm the OP of the thread asking about what to do when your kid has anxiety but seems perfectly fine the way they are. Wishing you the best, it's tough. You want to help them and avoid some of the struggles you faced at their age and later but if they are resistant to working on it, then there isn't much you can do. It's ironic, my own parents didn't try to help me at all - it was the 90s, so anxiety and mental health wasn't as talked about, plus they had three other kids and I was the "easy" one who never gave them any issues. I've always wished they had done something back then, so I am trying to help DD. But again, hard to do if she isn't all in.

Anonymous wrote:
Starting with puberty, teenage years are such an awkward time. OP, you are describing me when I was a teen. I had a few friends but was very self-conscious and got embarrassed, red face, easily. I never had therapy or took meds and got more confident as I got older. Nothing wrong with your DD saying she's embarrassed to look weird, many teens feel the same way. "Borderline social anxiety"? You're jumping to conclusion too fast. Not everyone has to be the life of the party or have 100 friends to be normal.

OP here again… I also was very similar growing up but didn’t have the same experience as you. I was socially anxious but everyone ignored it (it was a different time back then) When I went to college (and beyond) things got really bad. Eating disorder, substance abuse, anxiety and depression all peaked in my college years culminating in my having to transfer out of my highly ranked college my third year and finish up at a small local college at home. The social anxiety didn’t end there and I would say I didn’t have the right combination of tools and medicine to deal with it till I was about 40 years old. Untreated social anxiety can manifest in so many different ways. I’m happy that you had a happy outcome, but for me having had the tools to deal with it earlier on would have definitely helped.

Anonymous wrote:She needs to get a hobby or a sport where she can gain some confidence about herself but also interacting with others. Make her pick something and try it - does she like art, dance, sports, etc.? Or even volunteering at animal shelter - kids need exposure to interacting with the world not isolating from it. That is only way to get over this.

Her schedule is actually pretty full of extracurriculars. Structured activities have thankfully never been the issue (although currently her confidence in the activities is lower than it ever has been in the past), it’s taking the steps to socialize/participate/engage when the safety of the extracurricular isn’t there. I completely agree with you and appreciate the advice about exposing her to the world.

She needs to get a hobby or a sport where she can gain some confidence about herself but also interacting with others. Make her pick something and try it - does she like art, dance, sports, etc.? Or even volunteering at animal shelter - kids need exposure to interacting with the world not isolating from it. That is only way to get over this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but what do you do when your child doesn’t want to do therapy? I was finally able to convince my DD16 to try it and two sessions in the therapist said she can’t help because DD isn’t motivated and she (the therapist) doesn’t think there’s anything “wrong” with her. I agree that there isn’t anything wrong but she does have social anxiety that keeps her from doing most things at this age, including seeing any friends outside of school. I hate having to throw in the towel so quickly but this therapist basically gave my DD permission to stop because she doesn’t need it.

I’m in this same situation. DD 15 won’t do anything social outside of school. Every school break is spent sitting around at home unless we as parents are entertaining her. It’s a really difficult situation.

Op here… dd is not on any social media. She has a phone and texts friends about things like schoolwork or structured activities and will reply to friends when they text her but never ever initiates on her own. If I hound her to make plans she will and always is happy afterwards but she does not take the step to actually do it herself. It’s exhausting and frustrating having to be the one keeping her socially engaged. If I thought she truly didn’t enjoy getting out with friends or participating in some of these activities I’d prob back off and chalk it up to her being more of an introvert, but it’s not that. She’s at the point now where fear of rejection, fear or looking silly and fear of being excluded is keeping her from being more engaged.

Starting with puberty, teenage years are such an awkward time. OP, you are describing me when I was a teen. I had a few friends but was very self-conscious and got embarrassed, red face, easily. I never had therapy or took meds and got more confident as I got older. Nothing wrong with your DD saying she's embarrassed to look weird, many teens feel the same way. "Borderline social anxiety"? You're jumping to conclusion too fast. Not everyone has to be the life of the party or have 100 friends to be normal.