Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:48
Subject: Re:Will I regret not having a third?
If you currently have a nanny and still don't have enough bandwidth to handle kids and logistics of family life, do not have a 3rd child. Will you occasionally regret it? Probably, but let's be real, OP. You cannot handle having a 3rd.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:42
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I went into having kids thinking I definitely wanted 3. I am the 3rd kid. It just felt right! People who stopped at 2 were weak, in my mind.
I stopped at 2 because I found myself overwhelmed! Apparently my own mother is crazy and has a 6th gear I do not seem to have. 2 is plenty! I adore them. If I could have added a 3rd child that started at age 4, then I would have. But no thank you to another pregnancy/infancy/toddlerhood (HELL NO). 3 year olds are awful. Do you have one yet?
Op here. This is exactly how I feel. Mine are 4 and 1. I love to them to death but my 4yo is incredibly draining.
Also I come from a larger family as well and am the baby. I love the dynamic of multiple siblings. Just yesterday I had an argument with one of my siblings and I loved being able to turn to the other sibling. I think it is really nice for the kids. Just so hard as parents to do it all.
(this is the first PP above) I loved the dynamic of multiple siblings too. And I am sad my kids won't have that. But not sad enough to have a 3rd kid. I'd rather have some pangs of regret about that, then over extend myself and be a bad mother to the 2 children I already have. So, if I have more bandwidth later, maybe I'll just try to be more fun or say yes to more things.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:39
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
Anonymous wrote:I feel like this has been posted before, but can’t find the threads and am looking for perspective. I have two young children, and always wanted three kids. My husband and I work full time (and we have a nanny for childcare) and I still find myself completely overwhelmed balancing my kids, my family, my job, our house, and the entire mental load that goes with all of it. I don’t know how I will manage a third child, but feel like a failure when I see larger families and wonder if I should just go for it. My husband is fine stopping at two. To complicate things, I have remaining PGT tested embryos and know they’re there.
I do not want to have a large age gap if I can avoid it. We are also in our mid thirties and I don’t want to put off a decision forever. We are UMC, so we can technically afford a third child, but it will definitely be a felt expense.
I can’t be the only one conflicted like this. Looking for advice, thoughts, people who’ve been there are decided for or against it, etc.
I never cease to wonder about the intelligence of those who seek advice on something momentous/life chañging on an anonymous chat room?
Only you can answer this.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:23
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I went into having kids thinking I definitely wanted 3. I am the 3rd kid. It just felt right! People who stopped at 2 were weak, in my mind.
I stopped at 2 because I found myself overwhelmed! Apparently my own mother is crazy and has a 6th gear I do not seem to have. 2 is plenty! I adore them. If I could have added a 3rd child that started at age 4, then I would have. But no thank you to another pregnancy/infancy/toddlerhood (HELL NO). 3 year olds are awful. Do you have one yet?
Op here. This is exactly how I feel. Mine are 4 and 1. I love to them to death but my 4yo is incredibly draining.
Also I come from a larger family as well and am the baby. I love the dynamic of multiple siblings. Just yesterday I had an argument with one of my siblings and I loved being able to turn to the other sibling. I think it is really nice for the kids. Just so hard as parents to do it all.
Are you the eldest? I'm the eldest of 5, aka the parental triage service and I'm freaking exhausted dealing with all of my siblings. I love them so much, but I am completely satisfied with my one child as a result.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:20
Subject: Re:Will I regret not having a third?
No one should be having a third kid.
I am a third kid. I had a good childhood but my parents were pretty overwhelmed and I did not get good care or education because of that. I think 2 kids are manageable.
Also, it is horrible for the enviornment, the finances, the attention you pay to everyone, your marriage and your family.
I am a third kid. I had a good childhood but my parents were pretty overwhelmed and I did not get good care or education because of that. I think 2 kids are manageable.
Also, it is horrible for the enviornment, the finances, the attention you pay to everyone, your marriage and your family.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:19
Subject: Re:Will I regret not having a third?
I love our third. She is our absolute joy. I did not return to work after having her though. I think it would be difficult to juggle a career and three kids. It is hard enough to juggle 3 kids and I don’t even work. We often have conflicts.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:14
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I went into having kids thinking I definitely wanted 3. I am the 3rd kid. It just felt right! People who stopped at 2 were weak, in my mind.
I stopped at 2 because I found myself overwhelmed! Apparently my own mother is crazy and has a 6th gear I do not seem to have. 2 is plenty! I adore them. If I could have added a 3rd child that started at age 4, then I would have. But no thank you to another pregnancy/infancy/toddlerhood (HELL NO). 3 year olds are awful. Do you have one yet?
Op here. This is exactly how I feel. Mine are 4 and 1. I love to them to death but my 4yo is incredibly draining.
Also I come from a larger family as well and am the baby. I love the dynamic of multiple siblings. Just yesterday I had an argument with one of my siblings and I loved being able to turn to the other sibling. I think it is really nice for the kids. Just so hard as parents to do it all.
OP, if you REALLY want a third kid, what are you able to cut back on in the rest of your life? How you can streamline? Keep in mind that at least one of the parents needs to have pretty good executive function to manage older kids and the schedules, etc., of having three in school. Homework, school events, blah blah. I don’t overschedule my three at all, and I don’t attend every school event or read every email they send. But kids still need things like check ups, an activity or two, friends, and that becomes a lot. I have found the benefits of three is that we don’t *need* to find them playmates - they mostly play well together - and we also have the expectation that they’ll play with whomever. We don’t get into the matching of friends and playmates the way some parents do.
My oldest is the toughest of our three, so I get the exhaustion you feel. God, when she was four… I shudder to remember.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:05
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I went into having kids thinking I definitely wanted 3. I am the 3rd kid. It just felt right! People who stopped at 2 were weak, in my mind.
I stopped at 2 because I found myself overwhelmed! Apparently my own mother is crazy and has a 6th gear I do not seem to have. 2 is plenty! I adore them. If I could have added a 3rd child that started at age 4, then I would have. But no thank you to another pregnancy/infancy/toddlerhood (HELL NO). 3 year olds are awful. Do you have one yet?
Op here. This is exactly how I feel. Mine are 4 and 1. I love to them to death but my 4yo is incredibly draining.
Also I come from a larger family as well and am the baby. I love the dynamic of multiple siblings. Just yesterday I had an argument with one of my siblings and I loved being able to turn to the other sibling. I think it is really nice for the kids. Just so hard as parents to do it all.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:03
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
Anonymous wrote:I went into having kids thinking I definitely wanted 3. I am the 3rd kid. It just felt right! People who stopped at 2 were weak, in my mind.
I stopped at 2 because I found myself overwhelmed! Apparently my own mother is crazy and has a 6th gear I do not seem to have. 2 is plenty! I adore them. If I could have added a 3rd child that started at age 4, then I would have. But no thank you to another pregnancy/infancy/toddlerhood (HELL NO). 3 year olds are awful. Do you have one yet?
Op here. This is exactly how I feel. Mine are 4 and 1. I love to them to death but my 4yo is incredibly draining.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 11:02
Subject: Re:Will I regret not having a third?
I never wanted a third. But the one thing I will add as a parent now of older 2 (a teen and a tween). The older years are just as exhausting in different ways. Mentally and emotionally exhausting and the logistical details get harder, not easier. Kids to be driven everywhere constantly at all hours and kids with more independence who need to be kept track of in a way little kids who are very under your control do not need to be kept track of.
It's a total cliche but true. Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.
So the idea of having 3. No thanks.
It's a total cliche but true. Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.
So the idea of having 3. No thanks.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 10:57
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
Anonymous wrote:I went into having kids thinking I definitely wanted 3. I am the 3rd kid. It just felt right! People who stopped at 2 were weak, in my mind.
I stopped at 2 because I found myself overwhelmed! Apparently my own mother is crazy and has a 6th gear I do not seem to have. 2 is plenty! I adore them. If I could have added a 3rd child that started at age 4, then I would have. But no thank you to another pregnancy/infancy/toddlerhood (HELL NO). 3 year olds are awful. Do you have one yet?
DP but the bolded is is 100% correct and I have an *easy* child
Anonymous
12/22/2022 10:57
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
I went into having kids thinking I definitely wanted 3. I am the 3rd kid. It just felt right! People who stopped at 2 were weak, in my mind.
I stopped at 2 because I found myself overwhelmed! Apparently my own mother is crazy and has a 6th gear I do not seem to have. 2 is plenty! I adore them. If I could have added a 3rd child that started at age 4, then I would have. But no thank you to another pregnancy/infancy/toddlerhood (HELL NO). 3 year olds are awful. Do you have one yet?
I stopped at 2 because I found myself overwhelmed! Apparently my own mother is crazy and has a 6th gear I do not seem to have. 2 is plenty! I adore them. If I could have added a 3rd child that started at age 4, then I would have. But no thank you to another pregnancy/infancy/toddlerhood (HELL NO). 3 year olds are awful. Do you have one yet?
Anonymous
12/22/2022 10:54
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
Everyone in my baby group planned to have three and (with one exception) stopped at two. Oldest kids have just started college. FWIW, I don’t think any of us feel conflicted or regretful about not having had a third. I feel relief.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 10:53
Subject: Re:Will I regret not having a third?
Probably. Yes.
Anonymous
12/22/2022 10:53
Subject: Will I regret not having a third?
No. I wanted a third but DH disagreed. Now, almost 18 years later I'm really glad not to have to support a third student and not to have to worry abaout a third child.