Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is- DH's family is not.
We took an anniversary trip to Rome. DH's sister went to Rome once in grad school and has always longed to return.
When we told MIL we were going away for our anniversary, her response was "How could you do that to DH's sister? You know how much she loves Rome. Maybe you could go somewhere else until she is able to return to Rome."

If I knew this family was like this, I never would have married DH.

Wow, this is really absurd. How do you deal with them?

You wouldn’t have married him?

Anonymous wrote:My own family is, my DH’s family not so much. It’s weird but they prefer everyone live in a state of mediocrity so that no one person outshines another. The lowest common denominator is the bar and once you have achieved that, everything else is just bragging. So becoming an assistant manager at an Applebees is met with gushing praise, becoming a big law partner is met with eye rolls and faint praise that transitions quickly into, “did you hear that 5-year-old Larlo picked up his toys even though he didn’t want to at first?”

My mothers family is like this— I think they genuinely can only love you if they can pity and “help” you. Unfortunately our lowest common denominator is “federal prison” so it’s a pretty miserable family. They couldn’t even love my sister who was a speech specialist until she had a very brutal divorce.

I’m a youngest, the only daughter of boomer parents, and wasn’t able to have kids. I’m invisible.

I have an awesome husband and his family is wonderful. It’s really nice to spend the holidays with them.

Anonymous wrote:No, but my husband is and my friends are and my kids are. I come from a lot of dysfunction. So does DH. We worked hard to form a healthier system.

Same here. I have separated from most of my family of origin due to atrocious behavior (the story of being told not to travel to Italy because it would upset someone else is spot on for my family as well) and I have never been happier. To the point that when I have an interaction with a family member on occasion, I'm shocked at how bad they act towards me since I have distance and I no longer see it as normal or acceptable the way I used to. It's amazing how predictable they can be in their undermining, petty behavior and understand it really is about them being unhappy with themselves so have to shit all over other people to hide it.

My husband and I have also created a healthier family unit for ourselves and our kids. Even now as young adults, they still want to hang out with us and regularly tell us how they appreciate us. That is also how I know we made the right choices.

My own family is, my DH’s family not so much. It’s weird but they prefer everyone live in a state of mediocrity so that no one person outshines another. The lowest common denominator is the bar and once you have achieved that, everything else is just bragging. So becoming an assistant manager at an Applebees is met with gushing praise, becoming a big law partner is met with eye rolls and faint praise that transitions quickly into, “did you hear that 5-year-old Larlo picked up his toys even though he didn’t want to at first?”

Anonymous wrote:My family is- DH's family is not.
We took an anniversary trip to Rome. DH's sister went to Rome once in grad school and has always longed to return.
When we told MIL we were going away for our anniversary, her response was "How could you do that to DH's sister? You know how much she loves Rome. Maybe you could go somewhere else until she is able to return to Rome."

If I knew this family was like this, I never would have married DH.

The apple must not fall far from the tree then?

No one should require cheering on