I would try to talk to DS as much as possible. Talk to him in advance about the situation. Acknowledge it is difficult/boring to not speak the language. I would definitely be helping in the kitchen as well...and trying to shorten the time.

Also, thinking about it, DH should not just be leaving you adrift. He should be trying to include you by speaking English or at least translating.

This is why I get a hotel room rather than staying with my in-laws when we visit them (they live in another country). I need down time. I just don't do it in front of them. Is there any way to separate yourself a bit to find your down time?

OP, this question is simply: Can I put in airpods at a social gathering?

Answer: No.

Podcast with your hair down and no noise canceling so you can hear if someone starts talking to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude. You're walling yourself off and won't respond even if somebody tries to talk to you.

If you must, bring a book to read. That way, if somebody addresses you, you'll hear them and be able to respond.

So....maybe just one ear?

I think a book is worse because it’s a visible sign that you’re not participating. I wouldn’t do a movie, but I’d listen to podcasts, audiobooks or music with one earbud so I can hear my name if someone addresses me. I wouldn’t fare well with that kind of setting, so much noise that I can’t understand and no relief or distraction. I don’t blame the teen, and I wouldn’t blame you either.

Earbuds are every bit as visible as a book. Worse, they send a signal that you've decided to be completely unavailable should somebody try to talk to you.

Wave the book around and make a joke about it. "I'm so glad you guys are reconnecting! I'm here having fun, let me know when you're back to English!"

A single airpod isn’t as visible as a book, nor does it indicate you’ve shut yourself off.

I give up, OP. I don’t think think it’s rude. Apparently some people will judge you regardless. If you’re going to be judged anyway, do what makes you most comfortable so you’ll be less bored while you’re sitting in the hot seat. At least you won’t understand when they say you’re being unavailable.

A single AirPod still says, clearly, I've walled myself off.

I like the ideas of taking a walk or reading a book. Just do it cheerfully. No sulking as you put on your coat and head out the door.

Two cars. Leave when you want to, let your spouse stay. Take the teenager with you if he wants to leave. Maybe thank everybody profusely and then say you have a migraine?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude. You're walling yourself off and won't respond even if somebody tries to talk to you.

If you must, bring a book to read. That way, if somebody addresses you, you'll hear them and be able to respond.

So....maybe just one ear?

I think a book is worse because it’s a visible sign that you’re not participating. I wouldn’t do a movie, but I’d listen to podcasts, audiobooks or music with one earbud so I can hear my name if someone addresses me. I wouldn’t fare well with that kind of setting, so much noise that I can’t understand and no relief or distraction. I don’t blame the teen, and I wouldn’t blame you either.

Earbuds are every bit as visible as a book. Worse, they send a signal that you've decided to be completely unavailable should somebody try to talk to you.

Wave the book around and make a joke about it. "I'm so glad you guys are reconnecting! I'm here having fun, let me know when you're back to English!"

A single airpod isn’t as visible as a book, nor does it indicate you’ve shut yourself off.

I give up, OP. I don’t think think it’s rude. Apparently some people will judge you regardless. If you’re going to be judged anyway, do what makes you most comfortable so you’ll be less bored while you’re sitting in the hot seat. At least you won’t understand when they say you’re being unavailable.

9-10 hours! How do you stay awake? You are a saint, OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude

Just daydream and smile occasionally

No. This rigidity about what's polite is truly stupid.

Look, I'm a first gen immigrant married to an American who cannot speak my first language. When we get together with my family it's the same thing as Op describes. Nobody expects my spouse to sit around smiling like a doofus. At the same time, spouse also understands that my relatives want to catch up with each other and it's easiest and most natural to slip into our first language. So they disappear into a room and do their own thing, while the rest of the family do their thing. Everyone is happy.

I posted above about being the native English speaker in this situation and I agree with this. People get that I don’t understand the chatter and aren’t going to get offended when I curl up in a corner with a book.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude. You're walling yourself off and won't respond even if somebody tries to talk to you.

If you must, bring a book to read. That way, if somebody addresses you, you'll hear them and be able to respond.

So....maybe just one ear?

I think a book is worse because it’s a visible sign that you’re not participating. I wouldn’t do a movie, but I’d listen to podcasts, audiobooks or music with one earbud so I can hear my name if someone addresses me. I wouldn’t fare well with that kind of setting, so much noise that I can’t understand and no relief or distraction. I don’t blame the teen, and I wouldn’t blame you either.

Earbuds are every bit as visible as a book. Worse, they send a signal that you've decided to be completely unavailable should somebody try to talk to you.

Wave the book around and make a joke about it. "I'm so glad you guys are reconnecting! I'm here having fun, let me know when you're back to English!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, rude. Teen should not use them either. You are teaching him to be rude.

So he should sit there for nine hours while rude people rudely converse with each other in a language they know he doesn’t understand? Yeah, no.

OP, screw how long they “expect” you to stay. You’re adults with agency. Stay for dinner +2 hours or so.

No. Are you always this dramatic? As another poster suggested, leave the room to go take a nap or watch a movie. Or go out. No one should be sitting anywhere for 9 hours whether or not they speak the language. There’s something in between sitting there with no ear pods the entire time and sitting there with them in while with others.

You’re defending rude people and then you call me “dramatic” because I responded appropriately to what you actually said. Neat. Sure, Jan.

That’s what you got out of my post—I’m defending rude people? Damn. You really have some reading comprehension problems. Troll on with your angry self.

Anonymous wrote:Rude

Just daydream and smile occasionally

No. This rigidity about what's polite is truly stupid.

Look, I'm a first gen immigrant married to an American who cannot speak my first language. When we get together with my family it's the same thing as Op describes. Nobody expects my spouse to sit around smiling like a doofus. At the same time, spouse also understands that my relatives want to catch up with each other and it's easiest and most natural to slip into our first language. So they disappear into a room and do their own thing, while the rest of the family do their thing. Everyone is happy.

Is this seriously a question? This is so rude and anti social. No, absolutely don’t do this.

I honestly don’t know why everyone is crying “rude!” Should a group of 15 people really be forced to speak their second language because 2 people attending didn’t bother to learn the language of their husband/father’s origin culture? I think it’s not rude and actually entirely normal to speak the language that is the first language of the majority of the people in attendance.

I have learned a bit of my husband’s mother tongue, but I couldn’t participate in this setting. That’s on me. I would never dream of calling them rude for not speaking English to accommodate me, the person in the minority in this setting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, rude. Teen should not use them either. You are teaching him to be rude.

So he should sit there for nine hours while rude people rudely converse with each other in a language they know he doesn’t understand? Yeah, no.

OP, screw how long they “expect” you to stay. You’re adults with agency. Stay for dinner +2 hours or so.

No. Are you always this dramatic? As another poster suggested, leave the room to go take a nap or watch a movie. Or go out. No one should be sitting anywhere for 9 hours whether or not they speak the language. There’s something in between sitting there with no ear pods the entire time and sitting there with them in while with others.

You’re defending rude people and then you call me “dramatic” because I responded appropriately to what you actually said. Neat. Sure, Jan.