Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:53     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't get your money back for the vacation shouldn't be a factor at all. I would not take the chance. If your stepdad abused your kids, how could you ever forgive yourself???


Op here. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself! But also, DW and I will both be there and our kids would never be alone with stepdad.


This is a very dumb approach. Sexual abuse is done in a very hidden in plain sight kind of way. Why would you even risk it??


Op here. I mean I really can’t see how my kids would be at risk. They sleep in the same bed or the same room as me and DW when we travel. My stepdad has never been alone with them. Also, my kids are younger and my sister said the abuse didn’t start until she was 13/14. I’m not saying we have to go or that we will, but just trying to see how it really would put my kids at risk.


I just can't with this. Being so cavalier with potential groping of your kids.


And making friendly chitchat all weekend with an abuser. Even if your own children aren't at risk, how can you stomach what he did to your sister?!
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:52     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Even if your stepdad is never alone with your kids, Would immediately cut ties with him based on your sister’s credible accusation. Why wouldn’t you do that?
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:52     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Those don’t exactly seem like reasons to not believe your sister. In fact they make the narrative more plausible to me. But obviously you know more than I do.

I personally wouldn’t risk having my kids around somebody who had been accused of sexual assault of children. It might not be fair but I just couldn’t risk it.


+2 Estrangement is a natural result of not being believed/protected in the face of sexual abuse

Women aligning with their husbands appears to be a far more common response than believing and helping their kids

Denial isn’t just a river in Africa


There is no river in Africa named “Denial.”
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:50     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:Your kids come first. I would believe your sister. Your don't have to give your mom a reason for canceling; I bet somewhere deep inside she will already know why.


Sis probably told her it was happening at the time. That's really common.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:46     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Your kids come first. I would believe your sister. Your don't have to give your mom a reason for canceling; I bet somewhere deep inside she will already know why.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:39     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:"I knew he was dangerous but I didn't want to lose my deposit"

Imagine saying that to your kid 10 years from now when they ask why you let them get assaulted.


Op here. I shouldn’t have mentioned that the trip is paid for. I just meant that there isn’t some easy way to just put it off. We will have to actually cancel the trip is all, and I will have to give a reason to my mom.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:39     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
You should believe your sister. My sister accused my brother of molesting her child and I don’t believe her. The state was on the cusp of removing her child from her care and placing her child with my brother and she didn’t want that to happen. Additionally, she was leaving her child with my brother during the period when the alleged molestation was happening. It’s only in these extreme circumstances when I wouldn’t believe the accuser.

One thing I didn’t take into account is that my brother is sweet and full of love and I could never imagine him hurting a child. Predators rarely seem like predators. It’s often the people you’d least expect.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:34     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't get your money back for the vacation shouldn't be a factor at all. I would not take the chance. If your stepdad abused your kids, how could you ever forgive yourself???


Op here. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself! But also, DW and I will both be there and our kids would never be alone with stepdad.


This is a very dumb approach. Sexual abuse is done in a very hidden in plain sight kind of way. Why would you even risk it??


Op here. I mean I really can’t see how my kids would be at risk. They sleep in the same bed or the same room as me and DW when we travel. My stepdad has never been alone with them. Also, my kids are younger and my sister said the abuse didn’t start until she was 13/14. I’m not saying we have to go or that we will, but just trying to see how it really would put my kids at risk.


Just let your imagination go wild and think of crazy scenarios where it could happen. I would bet that all of those scenarios have happened before. Kids have been molested at public parks by strangers when their parent was looking at their other kid.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:30     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't get your money back for the vacation shouldn't be a factor at all. I would not take the chance. If your stepdad abused your kids, how could you ever forgive yourself???


Op here. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself! But also, DW and I will both be there and our kids would never be alone with stepdad.


This is a very dumb approach. Sexual abuse is done in a very hidden in plain sight kind of way. Why would you even risk it??


Op here. I mean I really can’t see how my kids would be at risk. They sleep in the same bed or the same room as me and DW when we travel. My stepdad has never been alone with them. Also, my kids are younger and my sister said the abuse didn’t start until she was 13/14. I’m not saying we have to go or that we will, but just trying to see how it really would put my kids at risk.


Your kids are at risk. Do you think they're safe until they're 13/14? It's amazing you're looking for excuses when your sister endured all this trauma.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:25     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
"I knew he was dangerous but I didn't want to lose my deposit"

Imagine saying that to your kid 10 years from now when they ask why you let them get assaulted.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:25     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?



Everything you said here makes me believe your sister. You sis and mom have had a lot of drama. She struggles with anxiety and depression. She has never introduced her children to mom and step dad. Please cancel your trip and support your sister. The fact she became a successful doctor is a credit to her. Paid or not cancel the trip and protect your children.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:25     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't get your money back for the vacation shouldn't be a factor at all. I would not take the chance. If your stepdad abused your kids, how could you ever forgive yourself???


Op here. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself! But also, DW and I will both be there and our kids would never be alone with stepdad.


This is a very dumb approach. Sexual abuse is done in a very hidden in plain sight kind of way. Why would you even risk it??


Op here. I mean I really can’t see how my kids would be at risk. They sleep in the same bed or the same room as me and DW when we travel. My stepdad has never been alone with them. Also, my kids are younger and my sister said the abuse didn’t start until she was 13/14. I’m not saying we have to go or that we will, but just trying to see how it really would put my kids at risk.


I just can't with this. Being so cavalier with potential groping of your kids.


+2

Troll. And a sick one at that.


I mean, one of my first internships was in the criminal justice system and some of the cases were shocking. A mom whose boyfriend was convicted of molesting her daughter and she asked for the stay away order to be lifted so she could date him after he was released from prison. A family who kicked out a 12 year old after she was raped and impregnated by her uncle. A little boy who was beaten for telling what his grandpa did to him.

The extent to which people blame the victims is shocking.


One of my childhood friends was raped by a teenage male babysitter when she was 8. No one believed her.

Another childhood friend was molested by her uncle and no one believed her.

Another childhood friend was molested by her grandfather and no one believed her.

Another childhood friend was raped by a big shot football player in high school, reported it, and had school administrators demand she stay silent/tell her she asked for it.

There is NO support system for victims of these crimes.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:22     Subject: Re:Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Cancel the trip and ask your sister how you can help. I would do some research and try something like:

“Thank you so much for confiding in me. I care about you and I feel a little overwhelmed and ill-equipped. I found these three counselors/lawyers/support orgs. Would you like to meet with any of them? I would like to go with you.”

You cancel the trip, and if asked you say your sister accused your stepdad and you’re not taking sides, but you’re pausing visits and supporting her because you’re her family and that’s what family does. It’s just your first step - you can see how it shakes out.

Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:22     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
^^Also, why on earth wouldn’t you believe your sister. What the hell would she have to gain by lying about that?
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2022 11:22     Subject: Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Based on what you’ve said, I’m inclined to believe the sister.

And yes, I think I would cancel the trip. Sorry.


Op here. It’s not that I don’t believe my sister. I just don’t know and have no way of knowing if it happened or not. My sister and I are not terribly close.

If I was forced to guess, I’d say she’s probably telling the truth.


Then why would you (a) even consider maintaining a relationship with this pervert and his enabler and (b) bring your kids around them?!

This is why sexual abuse continues to flourish. Zero consequences for life-damaging actions.

What does your wife say?