Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 17:10     Subject: is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Hire: 1. childcare and 2. cleaning/prep help.
done.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 17:08     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
If the issue is that he is being negative about hiring childcare and other help (is he worried about money?), I would just say "Look, you deputized me to plan this, I can't do it all myself, so let me make the decisions and you go enjoy yourself." And then just try and let it go. And, if he doesn't appreciate what a great wife you are, I'm available!
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 17:07     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here and I totally disagree. It’s one weekend. You can arrange childcare. If it were a woman being fêted for some combo of 40th bday and making partner, she would be fuming that she had to ask, and that DH was giving her chores to do for her own celebration, and tasking her with childcare all weekend. And people here would be saying “tell him what you want.” OP, if you’re going to celebrate him, and people are coming in from out of town, do it right. Don’t be passive aggressive.


OP here. I don't think that parenting in our home for the 6 hours before a party starts is giving my DH chores or tasking him with childcare all weekend. He is implying that he should be able to/wants to basically be MIA the whole weekend and the party and the kids are my responsibility. As in, if he wants to spend the morning and afternoon before the event golfing with his college buddies, he should be able to, and the kids are my responsibility. AKA he gets to check out completely from any responsibility.



Is it so wrong to give him a weekend though? Sounds like he deserves it. Let the man live for one freaking weekend. He just wants to golf, not go to a strip club lol.


In that case, he needs to not criticize her solution of hiring outside help.

OP, hiring a day of coordinator and childcare sounds very reasonable and if he pushes back, just repeat what you've list here -- you're not willing to put a guest to work and he's planning on not doing any host or parenting activities, so you're outsourcing it.



This. I would be perfectly fine with my partner wanting the weekend off and not wanting to deal with logistics but then I would equally expect him to be fine with me handling it any way I see fit. And volunteer help is worlds different than paid help. Do it!
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 17:05     Subject: is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Yeah, I am embarrassed for him. What a tool. At least the way you are portraying it. He sounds like a bridezilla frankly.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 17:03     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
This doesn't seem to be how mature adults handle situations. Maybe you should make the theme of the celebration the fact that your DH is no longer an infant and is now a bona fide toddler.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:56     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here and I totally disagree. It’s one weekend. You can arrange childcare. If it were a woman being fêted for some combo of 40th bday and making partner, she would be fuming that she had to ask, and that DH was giving her chores to do for her own celebration, and tasking her with childcare all weekend. And people here would be saying “tell him what you want.” OP, if you’re going to celebrate him, and people are coming in from out of town, do it right. Don’t be passive aggressive.


OP here. I don't think that parenting in our home for the 6 hours before a party starts is giving my DH chores or tasking him with childcare all weekend. He is implying that he should be able to/wants to basically be MIA the whole weekend and the party and the kids are my responsibility. As in, if he wants to spend the morning and afternoon before the event golfing with his college buddies, he should be able to, and the kids are my responsibility. AKA he gets to check out completely from any responsibility.



Actually, while I agree he’s being a bit of a brat, I do think he should be able to spend time with friends and family who have travelled to see him. Arrange for a babysitter or mothers helper for a good chunk of the weekend if you don’t want to be the sole caregiver
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:56     Subject: is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Anonymous wrote:If his college buddies are flying in from all over the country to spend the weekend celebrating his milestone …. Then, yes, he should spend the morning golfing with them!

Now, whether he acts appreciative of your efforts is a different question.


And the 2 nights before going out with them

I'm not disagreeing with you, just wanting to make clear that he is not asking for a few hours. He is literally asking for a 4 day weekend of
"not it!"
"fete me!"
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:55     Subject: is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Why even bother OP. Your heart's not into it. Just cancel it.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:52     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here and I totally disagree. It’s one weekend. You can arrange childcare. If it were a woman being fêted for some combo of 40th bday and making partner, she would be fuming that she had to ask, and that DH was giving her chores to do for her own celebration, and tasking her with childcare all weekend. And people here would be saying “tell him what you want.” OP, if you’re going to celebrate him, and people are coming in from out of town, do it right. Don’t be passive aggressive.


OP here. I don't think that parenting in our home for the 6 hours before a party starts is giving my DH chores or tasking him with childcare all weekend. He is implying that he should be able to/wants to basically be MIA the whole weekend and the party and the kids are my responsibility. As in, if he wants to spend the morning and afternoon before the event golfing with his college buddies, he should be able to, and the kids are my responsibility. AKA he gets to check out completely from any responsibility.



Is it so wrong to give him a weekend though? Sounds like he deserves it. Let the man live for one freaking weekend. He just wants to golf, not go to a strip club lol.


In that case, he needs to not criticize her solution of hiring outside help.

OP, hiring a day of coordinator and childcare sounds very reasonable and if he pushes back, just repeat what you've list here -- you're not willing to put a guest to work and he's planning on not doing any host or parenting activities, so you're outsourcing it.

Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:52     Subject: is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
If his college buddies are flying in from all over the country to spend the weekend celebrating his milestone …. Then, yes, he should spend the morning golfing with them!

Now, whether he acts appreciative of your efforts is a different question.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:51     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here and I totally disagree. It’s one weekend. You can arrange childcare. If it were a woman being fêted for some combo of 40th bday and making partner, she would be fuming that she had to ask, and that DH was giving her chores to do for her own celebration, and tasking her with childcare all weekend. And people here would be saying “tell him what you want.” OP, if you’re going to celebrate him, and people are coming in from out of town, do it right. Don’t be passive aggressive.


OP here. I don't think that parenting in our home for the 6 hours before a party starts is giving my DH chores or tasking him with childcare all weekend. He is implying that he should be able to/wants to basically be MIA the whole weekend and the party and the kids are my responsibility. As in, if he wants to spend the morning and afternoon before the event golfing with his college buddies, he should be able to, and the kids are my responsibility. AKA he gets to check out completely from any responsibility.



I think the deeper issues is you resent him asking you to do the childcare when he is acting unappreciative.

If I was in a similar situation I would do all the childcare myself as part of the gift of the weekend for him. But my DH would be appreciative and give me the next weekend "off" or something.


Definitely unappreciative. Also, I resent the micromanaging and criticism. He said he didnt want to be involved as a planner. He says I will be stressed out. So I say, ok, maybe I'll hire an extra pair of hands to help me. Then criticizes me for choosing that way of doing things.

If you didn't want to be involved as a planner, then butt out and don't criticize what I DECIDE is the best way to help myself. Since you have made it clear you aren't going to make yourself available.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:46     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here and I totally disagree. It’s one weekend. You can arrange childcare. If it were a woman being fêted for some combo of 40th bday and making partner, she would be fuming that she had to ask, and that DH was giving her chores to do for her own celebration, and tasking her with childcare all weekend. And people here would be saying “tell him what you want.” OP, if you’re going to celebrate him, and people are coming in from out of town, do it right. Don’t be passive aggressive.


OP here. I don't think that parenting in our home for the 6 hours before a party starts is giving my DH chores or tasking him with childcare all weekend. He is implying that he should be able to/wants to basically be MIA the whole weekend and the party and the kids are my responsibility. As in, if he wants to spend the morning and afternoon before the event golfing with his college buddies, he should be able to, and the kids are my responsibility. AKA he gets to check out completely from any responsibility.



I think the deeper issues is you resent him asking you to do the childcare when he is acting unappreciative.

If I was in a similar situation I would do all the childcare myself as part of the gift of the weekend for him. But my DH would be appreciative and give me the next weekend "off" or something.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:44     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
I can see saying in the planning time "hey, DH, I want you to really be able to relax and enjoy this weekend, so I'll cover the logistics." I think the way he said it is definitely bratty, but I understand that it's an event to celebrate him, sounds like he has people coming into town, and he wants to just relax and enjoy-it sounds glorious, I wish I had someone who would do that for me.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:44     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here and I totally disagree. It’s one weekend. You can arrange childcare. If it were a woman being fêted for some combo of 40th bday and making partner, she would be fuming that she had to ask, and that DH was giving her chores to do for her own celebration, and tasking her with childcare all weekend. And people here would be saying “tell him what you want.” OP, if you’re going to celebrate him, and people are coming in from out of town, do it right. Don’t be passive aggressive.


OP here. I don't think that parenting in our home for the 6 hours before a party starts is giving my DH chores or tasking him with childcare all weekend. He is implying that he should be able to/wants to basically be MIA the whole weekend and the party and the kids are my responsibility. As in, if he wants to spend the morning and afternoon before the event golfing with his college buddies, he should be able to, and the kids are my responsibility. AKA he gets to check out completely from any responsibility.



Is it so wrong to give him a weekend though? Sounds like he deserves it. Let the man live for one freaking weekend. He just wants to golf, not go to a strip club lol.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2022 16:43     Subject: Re:is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?
Anonymous wrote:What exactly is it that you want him to do? The post is confusing for me.


I think what i Would like to hear is something like
"THANKS DW for planning this big celebration for me. I know it has been a lot. Let's figure out how WE can handle the kids or any outlier responsibilities so that WE BOTH can enjoy this weekend."

vs

come to me last with help
im the guest of honor and want to be treated so
its predictable that you are going to be overwhelmed this weekend so you better figure it out. except dont count on me!