Anonymous
12/12/2022 10:23
Subject: How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
My kid has had 3 friends die in high school, so I vote for happiness.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 10:17
Subject: Re:How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you and your son seem happy. If either of you really wanted to change things, you would. I think you’re looking for reassurance more than a change of direction.
I am happy, he’s anxious, caught up in a peer group where kids measure each other by college placement. He loves all the things he does, but he falls into worrying about how other kids will get into better schools. So, I guess I want to reality test that, but I don’t know what reality is.
This area can be so toxic. My kid started with ”best college” talk in 8th grade. I researched the college market, decided I’d rather have a happy accounting major at Drexel than a miserable Econ major at Penn, and then told her I didn’t think the expensive schools were worth the price (even though FAFSA will say we can afford it). That helped put a realistic cap on her ambitions without that cap being a negative evaluation of her potential.
+1 My DD had a huge meltdown in 9th grade because of stress about college. We hadn't been talking about it but she was getting all that crap from her peers. I started researching a few schools I thought would appeal to her that also have a high acceptance rate/good merit aid. Seeing what opportunities were out there that don't require killing yourself in HS seemed to really lower the stress level. I was also blunt about the fact that even if she could somehow shape herself into a Ivy-caliber candidate, we did not have the money for that. She's now a senior, in at 3 schools so far that would all give her a good education, and has gotten over the "best schools"/rankings obsession. She doesn't care that her current favorite is a school most people haven't heard of. She's done the research and know it would be a great place for what she wants.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 10:08
Subject: How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Someone can graduate from Princeton and have no f*<king clue who they are and what they are passionate about and what they really want to do. Someone else could graduate from JMU have passions they have been nurturing for many years, follow those passions and do really well in life. It’s not all about where you go to undergrad.
Support your son, OP. You sounds like you are doing a great job molding a child who knows themself and what their passions are.
Support your son, OP. You sounds like you are doing a great job molding a child who knows themself and what their passions are.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:45
Subject: Re:How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
It's such a balancing act. My Junior is in a rigorous courseload---plays a year-round Club sport, a Fall sport and runs track in spring in addition to Club sport. Also, involved in 2 Clubs at school. He had a summer job that was 25 hours per week.
I do not think the would have been able to keep his straight As if he had been playing his Club+HS sport this Fall with his Junior year schedule. Even dropping one of them would have been hard with his schedule. Unfortunately, he got an injury mid-September so he couldn't play. He likely won't be back until January. He was severely bummed and little depressed without his sport outlet. But, when I saw the amount of work he was doing for school this semester and still managing the straight As it was likely a blessing in disguise. His friends that played for the HS team and Club team (in this sport you really have to do both) were so stressed out.
Now he has a handle on things and just playing Club in the spring should be very doable.
OP--it's such a balancing act. Our kids have always known school comes first. If grades drop, they will need to pull back on their sports/extracurriculars. The forced schedule the sport brings was helpful in that there was procrastination because I always said if there was a big test or homework--do the work/studying and get it done before Club practice--because you aren't getting home at 9:45pm and starting on it then. They get home at 3pm and start working on it. On nights they have the school practice--they sometimes won't do Club practice and get home at 5:30pm and have the rest of the night.
It's learning about making sacrifices and balancing things which is an important life skill.
I do not think the would have been able to keep his straight As if he had been playing his Club+HS sport this Fall with his Junior year schedule. Even dropping one of them would have been hard with his schedule. Unfortunately, he got an injury mid-September so he couldn't play. He likely won't be back until January. He was severely bummed and little depressed without his sport outlet. But, when I saw the amount of work he was doing for school this semester and still managing the straight As it was likely a blessing in disguise. His friends that played for the HS team and Club team (in this sport you really have to do both) were so stressed out.
Now he has a handle on things and just playing Club in the spring should be very doable.
OP--it's such a balancing act. Our kids have always known school comes first. If grades drop, they will need to pull back on their sports/extracurriculars. The forced schedule the sport brings was helpful in that there was procrastination because I always said if there was a big test or homework--do the work/studying and get it done before Club practice--because you aren't getting home at 9:45pm and starting on it then. They get home at 3pm and start working on it. On nights they have the school practice--they sometimes won't do Club practice and get home at 5:30pm and have the rest of the night.
It's learning about making sacrifices and balancing things which is an important life skill.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:15
Subject: Re:How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Also, you will find there are kids doing all of these same activities and still have a 4.0. The bottom line is that your kid has to decide what kijd if student he wants to be, no one can answer that for him.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:13
Subject: Re:How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Unfortunately, GPA is important at all levels.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:11
Subject: How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
A 3.5 freshman year could be a lot higher by 12th grade once they start taking APs. I wouldn’t worry, OP. A happy kid is priceless.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:08
Subject: How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
My vote (that doesn't matter, lol) is a happy kid is worth more than anything, and it sounds like he is happy. Lots of paths in life!
BUT, I also hear you saying he might not be happy long-term if he perceives his college choices to be limited.
Hard to know what to do in a hypothetical future situation (maybe his feelings will change on ECs, maybe grades will stray from current trajectory). So, in trying to guess, I would consider
-- whether you are full pay or need merit aid. If you need merit aid, he may have to focus more on school work, as earning that merit money is sort of like a job.
-- Is there is floor of school that is truly unacceptable to you? I am not implying kid is hitting it but if you are truly comfortable with anything college-wise (regional college, community college, whatever), then you have less to lose by staying the course. I think that is what you are trying to do here but we don't know enough to give you accurate info. It might be worth poking around his specific school to see outcomes and if they would be acceptable to you and him.
Good luck!
BUT, I also hear you saying he might not be happy long-term if he perceives his college choices to be limited.
Hard to know what to do in a hypothetical future situation (maybe his feelings will change on ECs, maybe grades will stray from current trajectory). So, in trying to guess, I would consider
-- whether you are full pay or need merit aid. If you need merit aid, he may have to focus more on school work, as earning that merit money is sort of like a job.
-- Is there is floor of school that is truly unacceptable to you? I am not implying kid is hitting it but if you are truly comfortable with anything college-wise (regional college, community college, whatever), then you have less to lose by staying the course. I think that is what you are trying to do here but we don't know enough to give you accurate info. It might be worth poking around his specific school to see outcomes and if they would be acceptable to you and him.
Good luck!
Anonymous
12/12/2022 08:50
Subject: How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Anonymous wrote:My freshmen really loves his extracurriculars. He is involved in music, theater, plays several sports, has a job and volunteers.
But it's clear that he can't do all those things and get straight A's, even though his course load is far from "most rigorous". The first quarter he got grades from B- to A, with an unweighted GPA around 3.5.
He's in a peer group that puts a lot of pressure on themselves, and is wondering if he needs to cut back on extracurriculars to get higher grades so he can go to the "best" college, but I'm really not convinced that's the right path. I feel like he'll have lots of options, and that once you're not looking at the T50 (which I suspect he wouldn't be anyway) then I'm just not sure there's a huge difference in outcomes.
What do other people think?
Sounds like he is doing it right. Have a great experience - enjoy life. Going to a mid range college is no tragedy. Bet your son goes there and has a good fun experience and then maybe goes on to have a good life.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 08:47
Subject: Re:How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
I don’t believe my high schoolers would want to go to a college where the students were hyper-focused on gpa - and students opted not to pursue extracurriculars, volunteer, and jobs, which so often are opportunities to learn and grow. Take the long view.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 08:30
Subject: How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Anonymous wrote:GPA matters, and with TO, it matters more. Your child, like it or not, is competing against every other child at their high school for coveted spots in each university. Highest GPA is going to take the spot every single time.
I agree.
Signed,
Parent of a senior who slightly sacrificed grades for ECs he is passionate about, and it made a difference in terms of where he has reasonable likelihood of acceptance
Anonymous
12/12/2022 08:05
Subject: Re:How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you and your son seem happy. If either of you really wanted to change things, you would. I think you’re looking for reassurance more than a change of direction.
I am happy, he’s anxious, caught up in a peer group where kids measure each other by college placement. He loves all the things he does, but he falls into worrying about how other kids will get into better schools. So, I guess I want to reality test that, but I don’t know what reality is.
This area can be so toxic. My kid started with ”best college” talk in 8th grade. I researched the college market, decided I’d rather have a happy accounting major at Drexel than a miserable Econ major at Penn, and then told her I didn’t think the expensive schools were worth the price (even though FAFSA will say we can afford it). That helped put a realistic cap on her ambitions without that cap being a negative evaluation of her potential.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 07:45
Subject: Re:How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Anonymous wrote:OP, you and your son seem happy. If either of you really wanted to change things, you would. I think you’re looking for reassurance more than a change of direction.
I am happy, he’s anxious, caught up in a peer group where kids measure each other by college placement. He loves all the things he does, but he falls into worrying about how other kids will get into better schools. So, I guess I want to reality test that, but I don’t know what reality is.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 06:51
Subject: How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Anonymous wrote:I think you are correct. He sounds like he’s doing great. Having a kid love his activities and be passionate about them is priceless. As long as you and he are not attached to attending the top name brand colleges, that’s fine. He is going to do great in life. And he sounds HAPPY! What more could you ask for as a parent?
Yup.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 06:50
Subject: How much of a difference does GPA make if you're not at the top
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:3.7-3.8
Boston University
Franklin and Marshall College
Lehigh University
George Washington University
New York University
Northeastern University
Tulane University
University of Maryland, College Park
Disagree with this list unless the weighted GPA is above a 4.0 and includes multiple AP or IB courses (or unless at a very competitive private high school).
PSA: university of Maryland is really hard to get into these days, in case you didn’t already know. Actually, all of the schools above are pretty difficult to get into, and that 3.8 better have a lot of APs and high test scores! Just keeping it real.
Love,
the parent of a above average, but by no means stellar, student