Anonymous wrote:I know some of the posters are trying to be helpful. But a girl (that identifies as a girl) who doesn't want to wear a dress is a bit different than a non-binary or trans student not wanting to be misgendered by being forced to wear dresses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live (generally). Is it a public or a private school? Is it possible this requirement is illegal? Is the local community likely to support you pushing back?

I live in a liberal part of North Carolina, and I can already imagine the holy hell the local mom's group would raise if we found out this was happening to a child. I feel certain our local school board would not tolerate it if the principal did not step up. In that kind of community, I would encourage my child to push back and take a stand.

However, if there is a chance pushing back will just make your child a target for more abuse, I think you should encourage them, but also respect it if they just want to go with the flow. At the end of the day, they will be the one putting themselves on the line. if they feel unsafe and do not want to push back, it's not fair to force them.

Public school. Close in DC suburb. The school itself if fantastic. They ask all the kids on the first couple of days what name they prefer and what their pronouns are. All the teachers are very good about this (even when kids change name, pronouns mid year). It's just this one teacher.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who is a girl and identifies as a girl but wears “ boy clothing” and has short hair. I would be pissed about this. Part of why we picked the school she goes to now is the girls can wear pants/shorts as part of the uniform. Is this orchestra connected to a school/county or completely independent?

I have two daughters who identify as girls and wear long hair and begrudgingly wear dresses when I tell them it is appropriate for the occasion but I am pissed about this on your/your kid's behalf! Schools should not mandate gendered dress clothing for situations like this. Just tell the kids what is appropriate clothing.

I am surprised your kid goes to a school in a close-in suburb of DC. I assume this is a private school? I would definitely raise this with the principal?

Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who is a girl and identifies as a girl but wears “ boy clothing” and has short hair. I would be pissed about this. Part of why we picked the school she goes to now is the girls can wear pants/shorts as part of the uniform. Is this orchestra connected to a school/county or completely independent?

Anonymous wrote:I am angry for you. I would pursue it. While your child doesn’t want you to “rock the boat,” this can be a valuable lesson in self advocacy. Tell your child that you aren’t going to go in angry or aggressive - that sometimes adults have to work things out. You can write an email to the teacher saying, “given our middle school’s policy about asking for preferred names, etc., I am surprised to hear of your policy in Orchestra. Have you passed this policy by the Principal as I wonder if she would endorse this? Can you please let me know as I would like to learn more and speak to the principal if this has already been passed by them/endorsed by them. I look forward to your response” I think this isn’t rocking the boat as I would have gone crazy if this ignorant teacher even threatened to fail my child with their antiLBQT ideas.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen has been playing in the orchestra since they were in early elementary. They love playing it's something they have found solace in during some really tough times. They know they aren't ever going to be a professional, but it's something they enjoy and we encourage.

This year, they have a new teacher who is very old school about music. I've told my child that not everyone is going to be supportive of how they choose to live (non-binary) and they really have gotten to a place in their life where they are ok with judgement. There is a big recital coming up (their first with the new teacher) and the teacher is forcing all girls to wear dresses and boys to wear pants. She (the teacher) has told my child since they are a girl, they must wear a skirt. My child does not identify that way an wants to wear pants. They were told - no skirt, no performance (which means an F in the class). I'm outraged but my child doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Not sure what to do - they plan to wear a skirt, but I know they are upset because I hear them on the phone with a friend discussing it. I'm just so pissed about the whole thing.

Just have your kid show up in the correct outfit with pants. What is this teacher going to do? Ask them to leave the stage?

Anonymous wrote:The first thing I would do is get the correct story. This is your daughters side of the story. You say that the teacher is old school. Does she know that your child is non binary? Does she know exactly what it is? (Seriously, I don’t even know what any of it is anymore). Did your daughter actually approach the teacher about this and the teacher said firm no and that she will fail? Or is your child assuming so? Either way, I would say something. You as a parent, need to do what you think is best. I would say something. My child is black. His white teacher called him a monkey. My child didn’t want me to say anything. Hell to the no! He is not capable of understanding how some adults act inappropriately and needs to be called out on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen has been playing in the orchestra since they were in early elementary. They love playing it's something they have found solace in during some really tough times. They know they aren't ever going to be a professional, but it's something they enjoy and we encourage.

This year, they have a new teacher who is very old school about music. I've told my child that not everyone is going to be supportive of how they choose to live (non-binary) and they really have gotten to a place in their life where they are ok with judgement. There is a big recital coming up (their first with the new teacher) and the teacher is forcing all girls to wear dresses and boys to wear pants. She (the teacher) has told my child since they are a girl, they must wear a skirt. My child does not identify that way an wants to wear pants. They were told - no skirt, no performance (which means an F in the class). I'm outraged but my child doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Not sure what to do - they plan to wear a skirt, but I know they are upset because I hear them on the phone with a friend discussing it. I'm just so pissed about the whole thing.

Just have your kid show up in the correct outfit with pants. What is this teacher going to do? Ask them to leave the stage?

Anonymous wrote:My teen has been playing in the orchestra since they were in early elementary. They love playing it's something they have found solace in during some really tough times. They know they aren't ever going to be a professional, but it's something they enjoy and we encourage.

This year, they have a new teacher who is very old school about music. I've told my child that not everyone is going to be supportive of how they choose to live (non-binary) and they really have gotten to a place in their life where they are ok with judgement. There is a big recital coming up (their first with the new teacher) and the teacher is forcing all girls to wear dresses and boys to wear pants. She (the teacher) has told my child since they are a girl, they must wear a skirt. My child does not identify that way an wants to wear pants. They were told - no skirt, no performance (which means an F in the class). I'm outraged but my child doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Not sure what to do - they plan to wear a skirt, but I know they are upset because I hear them on the phone with a friend discussing it. I'm just so pissed about the whole thing.