What level of softball are we talking about?

I coach a 12U softball team. I can tell you one of the toughest situations is when you have a kid who clearly works hard but can't get it done when it counts. For example, the kid with the best work ethic on my team was hitless with runners in scoring position one season. After multiple opportunities and no production, she lost playing time.

The other thing about softball is very often the parents have a distorted view of their child's abilities. They often think their child is better than others on the team but that is often not the case. This is ESPECIALLY true at the younger age levels -- 8U, 10U, even 12U.

Softball is tricky for girls because of the way girls are conditioned. I have had players who make a play and immediately look for approval from someone -- mom, dad, coach. The ones who success just play hard, they don't play careful. A lot of players on the bubble play careful, which means they are slow and make mistakes (ironically).

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Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Not PP, but we use the term a lot. It’s a kid that is good at the sport, but not really good. So there are lots of kids with similar skill, so on the bubble of either being a starter or on the bubble to even make the team.

I don't think that sounds like OPs kid. To me it sounds like OPs kid knows the sport and is probably very coachable, but something is missing. It may be game day performance, it may be athleticism, it may be size. Those kids make team and usually play a lot early in a season, but they end up losing playing time as the more athletic kids start grasping the system better or as the coach realizes that what they see in practice and what they saw in tryouts isn't translating to games. The kid is still probably a solid off the bench player, but they aren't the coach's focus. My DD has definitely been here. I think the options are move down a level and start or move up a level and know they'll be a bench player. Being in that in between position just kind of sucks

I think you just described a bubble kid. A kid that needs to move down a level is a bubble kid. And yes, everyone thinks their kids have the potential to be on the A team but if your kid's spot on the A team is never secure, then they are a bubble kid. I know that seems harsh but I'm speaking from my experience with my kids. Kid 1 is a bubble kid, has to fight like hell to stay on the A team and to get playing time and occasionally is moved down to the B team. He had a secure spot om the B team but still really wasn't even the best kid on that team. On the other hand, Kid 2's struggle/fight is to be good enough to be invited regularly to play up (i.e., the A team in next age group) or be rostered up permanently. Assuming practice and work effort and discipline are all the same and after watching a few games, it's often not hard to tell which kids are bubble kids and which ones needn't worry about their spot.

The thing is their spot is secure and they are probably good enough to start. When my kid was in this position they chose to go to a better team with the understanding that they were going to be a bench player. The kid had a super positive attitude and was a worker in practice and in games. There were the fourth big on the team and got very little playing time. Just training with the better players at a faster pace with more expectation really helped them improve their game. They're still a bench player, but they are getting good minutes.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Not PP, but we use the term a lot. It’s a kid that is good at the sport, but not really good. So there are lots of kids with similar skill, so on the bubble of either being a starter or on the bubble to even make the team.

I don't think that sounds like OPs kid. To me it sounds like OPs kid knows the sport and is probably very coachable, but something is missing. It may be game day performance, it may be athleticism, it may be size. Those kids make team and usually play a lot early in a season, but they end up losing playing time as the more athletic kids start grasping the system better or as the coach realizes that what they see in practice and what they saw in tryouts isn't translating to games. The kid is still probably a solid off the bench player, but they aren't the coach's focus. My DD has definitely been here. I think the options are move down a level and start or move up a level and know they'll be a bench player. Being in that in between position just kind of sucks

I think you just described a bubble kid. A kid that needs to move down a level is a bubble kid. And yes, everyone thinks their kids have the potential to be on the A team but if your kid's spot on the A team is never secure, then they are a bubble kid. I know that seems harsh but I'm speaking from my experience with my kids. Kid 1 is a bubble kid, has to fight like hell to stay on the A team and to get playing time and occasionally is moved down to the B team. He had a secure spot om the B team but still really wasn't even the best kid on that team. On the other hand, Kid 2's struggle/fight is to be good enough to be invited regularly to play up (i.e., the A team in next age group) or be rostered up permanently. Assuming practice and work effort and discipline are all the same and after watching a few games, it's often not hard to tell which kids are bubble kids and which ones needn't worry about their spot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Not PP, but we use the term a lot. It’s a kid that is good at the sport, but not really good. So there are lots of kids with similar skill, so on the bubble of either being a starter or on the bubble to even make the team.

I don't think that sounds like OPs kid. To me it sounds like OPs kid knows the sport and is probably very coachable, but something is missing. It may be game day performance, it may be athleticism, it may be size. Those kids make team and usually play a lot early in a season, but they end up losing playing time as the more athletic kids start grasping the system better or as the coach realizes that what they see in practice and what they saw in tryouts isn't translating to games. The kid is still probably a solid off the bench player, but they aren't the coach's focus. My DD has definitely been here. I think the options are move down a level and start or move up a level and know they'll be a bench player. Being in that in between position just kind of sucks

Thank you, OP here and you and a few other PPs have put together a few different ideas that help me understand the situation. I think what happens is that as my DD received diminishing attention in early weeks, her confidence slowly goes down. She is small for her age and young for her age bracket, so depending on the season (fall, spring/summer travel), the age/size difference is more apparent. I think she also doesn’t have the big personality that coaches are drawn to. Her specific sports are ones I associate with fairly peppy, chatty, bold girls and her coaches are pretty big and loud and drawn to those types. My DD is one of those kids that lets her actions speak for themselves…but it’s not a timed sport and once she starts getting benched, she basically is invisible to the coaches.

I’m going to work with her on early season tactics to prevent the midseason slump, and also think about the leagues she’s in and what might work better for her. At some point this isn’t about sports but about how she enters new situations and sustains relationships and growth. I don’t want her to one day become invisible to a professor or boss!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Not PP, but we use the term a lot. It’s a kid that is good at the sport, but not really good. So there are lots of kids with similar skill, so on the bubble of either being a starter or on the bubble to even make the team.

I don't think that sounds like OPs kid. To me it sounds like OPs kid knows the sport and is probably very coachable, but something is missing. It may be game day performance, it may be athleticism, it may be size. Those kids make team and usually play a lot early in a season, but they end up losing playing time as the more athletic kids start grasping the system better or as the coach realizes that what they see in practice and what they saw in tryouts isn't translating to games. The kid is still probably a solid off the bench player, but they aren't the coach's focus. My DD has definitely been here. I think the options are move down a level and start or move up a level and know they'll be a bench player. Being in that in between position just kind of sucks

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Not PP, but we use the term a lot. It’s a kid that is good at the sport, but not really good. So there are lots of kids with similar skill, so on the bubble of either being a starter or on the bubble to even make the team.

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Anonymous wrote:Is she physically aggressive during games? It’s one thing to have an aggressive attitude and another to actually be physically aggressive. Some of the girls that aren’t that serious during practice and have behavior problems are the ones that have no problem bumping someone off the ball and tend to win the 50-50 balls. They take chances and when it works the coaches like it and ignore all the times it doesn’t

It’s softball and another sport, neither have 1:1 situations. But the thing you said about taking chances and coaches ignoring when it doesn’t work out rings very true. Something about how my DD goes for things doesn’t get noticed during games. Should she be more vocal? More flashy? I’m
at a loss.

I see one of the sports is softball…How is her hitting OP? Both in practices and games. IME that is by far the most important factor in seeing playing time.

Also there are 1:1 situations. Catch a fly ball. Tag out runner. Make a throw for a double play. Dive to stop a hard grounder. It’s not about being flashy it’s about showing you can deliver in challenging situations and make a difference for your team

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Anonymous wrote:My DD swims, so it’s a little different because it’s an individual sport, but she got coaches’ attention by being a good meet swimmer. She is the kid that shows up on race day and throws down personal bests consistently. She doesn’t necessarily stand out in practice but the coaches notice that on race day she always produces. At the end of the day in any sport coaches are always going to notice those that thrive in competition.

Right, this is what was said above: it’s all about game/meet day performance. Nothing else really matters, even though coaches might say it does. Once my child starts to lose confidence, they play stiff. It shows. It is hard as a parent to watch a child with huge potential be stymied and stuck in a downward spiral. They feel it and there isn’t much I can do once it’s clear that the coaches don’t really care. This is age 12.

Would outside coaching help? This is what we did with our son. Sure, maybe you shouldn’t have to, but it really helps with confidence to have regular, one on one coaching with someone who is essentially getting paid to pay close attention to your kid and build up their confidence. They go into games feeling like they’ve got a secret weapon.

I tend to agree with the posters saying it's game day performance that gets attention. My boys both play soccer and one is just not as good as the other on game day. We got him one on one coaching which has boost his confidence significantly so now he is a starter and gets way more playing time than he used. FWIW, my boys aren't slackers in practice but definitely, being able to put into play in games what is learned in practice is the number one reason for how the kids on my boys' teams get playing time.

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

I have a kid who is a solid athlete whose greatest strengths are hustle, and conditioning. He shows up at every practice early, works hard every minute, goes home and repeats the drills he has trouble with etc . . .

He always starts at the beginning of the season because the coach wants to make a point. “Be like Larlo”.

But, objectively, I can tell there are better players on the team. Some of that is experience, he doesn’t play year round, but he also has a sibling with similar hustle and conditioning and fantastic “sports IQ”, and the difference when they play the same sport is obvious. And every season someone with more talent takes his starting spot.

It is what it is. He enjoys the sport, but wants room for other things in his life so he isn’t going to switch to playing year round.

Anonymous wrote:My DD is stuck in a pattern in which at the beginning of a year or season, coaches are really excited about her attitude and potential. She works super hard, shows up with a positive but aggressive attitude every day, and is renlentless in trying to execute what the coaches ask her to do.

Unfortunately, after a couple of seasons in more than one sport with different coaches, I’ve noticed a pattern. As the season goes on, coaches’ attention gravitates to everyone but her. The main reasons I notice is that coaches give focused attention to girls who are behind in certain areas, and to girls who have behavioral problems/bad attitudes/slack off.

The recipients of the negative attention especially seem to bloom athletically. Worse yet, even when their attitudes or work ethic doesn’t change, the coaches just seem to eventually shrug it off since their performance improves with all of the extra attention. The girls who are behind benefit from the 1:1 attention and the coaches notice their progress since it’s so obvious.

On an objective basis, my daughter is consistently in the top 1/3rd of her teams skill-wise and athletically at the start of the season, and coaches always compliment her attitude and work ethic. But as the season progresses, she kind of disappears and the coaches forget about her. She loses playing time and eventually loses confidence. This has happened 3-4 times.

I think that because she isn’t a jerk or a superstar, but also isn’t totally struggling, it’s hurting her. Is there something about her attitude or mindset that she can work on to help the coaches “see” her?

What motivates a coach to invest in an athlete?

What I have seen is it is the ones with a little ADHD and a lot of speed who attract the coaches attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she physically aggressive during games? It’s one thing to have an aggressive attitude and another to actually be physically aggressive. Some of the girls that aren’t that serious during practice and have behavior problems are the ones that have no problem bumping someone off the ball and tend to win the 50-50 balls. They take chances and when it works the coaches like it and ignore all the times it doesn’t

It’s softball and another sport, neither have 1:1 situations. But the thing you said about taking chances and coaches ignoring when it doesn’t work out rings very true. Something about how my DD goes for things doesn’t get noticed during games. Should she be more vocal? More flashy? I’m
at a loss.

I see one of the sports is softball…How is her hitting OP? Both in practices and games. IME that is by far the most important factor in seeing playing time.

Private coaching assumes money to pay for it. At the cheapest, it’s an extra $200 a month. Already paying $3k per year for club. That’s why this whole thing stinks.

NP, and my takeaway from my own experience and all the comments you've already gotten is this:

1. It's really about what happens in competition. To make sure your kid gets IN the game during competition, of course they have to be good or great in practice. But the things that get the coaches' attention most of all is notable performance in competition.

2. I've never seen what you said about poor behavior or most-in-need of development getting most coach attention. In beginning I think coaches are looking to see who needs what, but as the season goes on, again, it's about performance in competition. Most coaches I know don't have TIME to focus on the late/bad behavior players UNLESS they're also superstar athletes in their sport.

3. Individual coaching is probably a great idea. Also if you have any choices, next season have your DD try out for other teams and if any team is super interested & makes an offer, name this specific dynamic and ask what they'd do differently to make sure she keeps developing.

4. And to whoever is competing against the family member of someone running the team, my DS faced that too and it was one of the reasons we made SURE to change club teams the next time it was time to try out. He was offered a spot to return to the other team and when I declined I specified that part of why he wasn't returning was because one of the team captains was one of the worst players last season, didn't model great playing nor any leadership, and we needed to show DS that other teams DO promote based on skill and leadership. I said it much more diplomatically than that but I wanted the head coach to understand, that nepotism stuff for play time and leadership positions will come back and bite you when that family member doesn't also kick everyone else's butts in skill. Maybe for the team your child was playing on, an anonymous post somewhere that people in that sport read would be a good idea?