Have a 6th grade boy, no phone. This is possible because we moved and he attend a school where the culture activity discourages phones and intentionally uses books vs screens in the middle school. In our old DMV independent school my son complained that he was the only 5th grader without a phone. Lots of drama! …And most kids did have them. It helps so much if the culture around your child supports delaying a phone. I’m not sure why more schools don’t foster that? Good luck. Parenting kids this age is hard!

No phone, no ipad. It is possible.

For those parents who say no phone but kid gets an iPad for a certain amount of time, there’s not a huge difference. You can put whatever restrictions you want on the phone using certain apps. Our kids are at a Va k-12. I’d say 50/50 had them in 6th. In 7th it’s about 95%. The school is very strict about no phone use during the day. It’s a lifesaver for school and sports and logistics. Even if you do most of the driving, don’t things change? Kid wants to go home w/ someone, stay until the late bus to work on something in a group, stay to watch s varsity game, practice ends early bc of thunder, etc. It also gives me peace of mind when kids are out so they can contact me.

Big 3 6th grade parent here. No phone, just iPad for texting. Some complaints about how they're the only one of their friends without a phone, but they're not able to raise a great reason for why they want one, other than that we could call them if we're late. (Guess what people used to do before cell phones when their parents were late? Wait!) I do think it will be Pandora's box to have a phone in the pocket, on hand. Like having cookies in your purse all the time. Definitely waiting until 7th.

Anonymous wrote:My 6th grader hae a Gizmo watch (with straps changed to make it less babyish 😅) for drop off/pick up logistics and an iPad with icloud account for texting with her friends. This covers all basis so she hasn’t been asking for a phone.

(She gets her iPad for 1-2 hrs a day in the evening, so it’s different from a phone that is available constantly)

That is a lot of time. My 7th grader only is allowed her phone for 30 mins a school day... it shuts down ( except for calls) after that much use.

Our 6th grader is getting one for xmas. We're caving a little earlier than we did with our older ones b/c he's left at sports on his own more often b/c I've got to cart other kids around. We've had a couple of situations where I was running late and couldn't let him know. That said, it won't be a free for all. We have rules/limits - no social media, parental controls, screen time, etc.

Covid was hard. Like a pp we relaxed that rules and are still trying to claw them back.

Anonymous wrote:Our kids got phones in 6th but locked down with no access to internet, etc until years later. Basically a nice device to text and make calls. Why 6th? Because school assumed all kids had phones. Activities = “your child will text when we are 30 minutes out” after cross country meet.
Group chats, sports pick ups, etc. We allow zero access to social media or search engine and have tons of restrictions. It is possible to set limits if you’re willing to do so.
We also make clear that our kid doesn’t own the phone. Parents do. It’s ours. Kid owns the phone case but the phone inside of it can disappear at any time, because it belongs to parents.

This 100 percent. But our kid would just use their teachers to call me when they needed to in 6th. So it is possible without one too, but all the above is spot on!

Definitely not all 7th graders have one at my kids Big 3. I would hold off as long as possible. You can get an apple watch for him if it is the texting option he wants, but without all the apps and internet access. His own number. The watch can be available as needed, when he goes on outings without you,etc so he can call you, etc. The you can transfer that number to a cell phone summer before 8th or whenever. I am a firm rule maker with my kids devices--and they follow them or they know they will be taken away for periods of time ( BTDT) I think you hold off as the phone long as possible, but get him a number to text to/from so he can be included in plans as they are made. Most of my son's friends did not have phones in 6th. 8th, yes, but not 6th. he is now in HS.

Our kids got phones in 6th but locked down with no access to internet, etc until years later. Basically a nice device to text and make calls. Why 6th? Because school assumed all kids had phones. Activities = “your child will text when we are 30 minutes out” after cross country meet.
Group chats, sports pick ups, etc. We allow zero access to social media or search engine and have tons of restrictions. It is possible to set limits if you’re willing to do so.
We also make clear that our kid doesn’t own the phone. Parents do. It’s ours. Kid owns the phone case but the phone inside of it can disappear at any time, because it belongs to parents.

I have a 6th grader in private and we refuse to get her one. She also claims she’s the only one in her grade without one. It destroys their childhoods….please stick to your values. You’ll never regret it. We plan to get her one in 9th.

Nooooo....middle school teacher.

Don’t do it. Signed a middle school teacher.

I was in the "Wait until 8th" camp, but in my DC's class almost every had one over the summer and my child was shut out of the friends' chat groups and social activities. He was really miserable. However, he wasn't on a group chat on the iPad either. He doesn't have his own, he would just borrows ours, which we actually use heavily for work.

We caved a couple of months ago, BUT we drew up a family contract that he had to sign to get the rules in writing (not to be within arms reach during homework or meals; it becomes a brick at 8 p.m.; no social media; no nasty or inappropriate texts, etc.; Mom and Dad own the phone and as such we can ask to see it at any time, and take it away if it is abused). So far, DC has been pretty good about the rules. But he would never let it out of his hand if possible.

If your child has access to conversations with friends. It's probably not necessary right now. But your child probably feels "left out" because they don't have the modern equivalent of the 1980s designer jeans or a phone line in their room (which I didn't get until I was 16!). I feel for you, OP.

My 6th grader hae a Gizmo watch (with straps changed to make it less babyish 😅) for drop off/pick up logistics and an iPad with icloud account for texting with her friends. This covers all basis so she hasn’t been asking for a phone.

(She gets her iPad for 1-2 hrs a day in the evening, so it’s different from a phone that is available constantly)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost everyone has one. Necessary for logistics. Also, kids are out of the loop if they are not in their cohorts’ group chat. They ask each other things about assignments etc. Bite the bullet and give the kid a phone.

He's on the group chat on his ipad (he also plays online video games with friends on the ipad). We are lucky that we haven't needed it for logistics (yet) because both parents have very flexible work schedules and we are able to pick him up and drop him off according to plan and don't need to change plans on the fly (which, I take it, is the main reason that it is necessary for logistics?).

If he already has an iPad, what’s the hang up about a phone???