Unless you are close enough that you truly know your child's heart, you should stay out of it. Just b/c you wouldn't choose them doesn't mean that the choice is wrong. Oh and look at your OWN marriage before you open your mouth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UMC adult child is a trust fund baby, a medical professional and married someone who didn't finish high school, has a gambling problem, both parents are addicts, and grew up with physical and psychological abuse.

The spouse can't keep up with basic conversations because their lack of education. Had no idea that "Europe" is many different countries. Has no interest in furthering education.

Kept mouth shut and provided no advice.

That's every parent's worst nightmare. I hope she isn't a gold digger and turns out to be a supportive and loving wife and tries to give their children a better upbringing than what she received. If she is a good person, accept her with her flaws. She is your family now.

Why do you assume it’s a woman? Reads like a man - they are 7.5 times more likely to be a problem gambler.

My mother has seriously interfered in every relationship she was aware of. She tried to impose her will forcefully. It was a really bad idea. We do not have a good relationship.

Either you raised someone who has healthy boundaries and fosters good relationships or you failed, but that horse has left the barn and if you try to interfere now good luck ever seeing your grandkids. FYI if your adult child really is is failing at establishing healthy relationship boundaries it’s pretty clear where they learned that from…

Anonymous wrote:UMC adult child is a trust fund baby, a medical professional and married someone who didn't finish high school, has a gambling problem, both parents are addicts, and grew up with physical and psychological abuse.

The spouse can't keep up with basic conversations because their lack of education. Had no idea that "Europe" is many different countries. Has no interest in furthering education.

Kept mouth shut and provided no advice.

In your opinion, what attracted your son towards him? Looks? I mean all the flaws you saw, why he didn't see those?

Anonymous wrote:UMC adult child is a trust fund baby, a medical professional and married someone who didn't finish high school, has a gambling problem, both parents are addicts, and grew up with physical and psychological abuse.

The spouse can't keep up with basic conversations because their lack of education. Had no idea that "Europe" is many different countries. Has no interest in furthering education.

Kept mouth shut and provided no advice.

That's every parent's worst nightmare. I hope she isn't a gold digger and turns out to be a supportive and loving wife and tries to give their children a better upbringing than what she received. If she is a good person, accept her with her flaws. She is your family now.

UMC adult child is a trust fund baby, a medical professional and married someone who didn't finish high school, has a gambling problem, both parents are addicts, and grew up with physical and psychological abuse.

The spouse can't keep up with basic conversations because their lack of education. Had no idea that "Europe" is many different countries. Has no interest in furthering education.

Kept mouth shut and provided no advice.

Has there ever been a case where parental intervention led to a happy outcome?

This is their mistake to make. All you can do is being there to support them if and when they realized it's a mistake.

Abuse or addiction = stop a marriage. Do anything and everything you can.

Anything else - you do not know what the best match for your child would be. You don't. It's very arrogant and damaging of you to think you do.

Anonymous wrote:So far, both my oldest kids have asked me to let them know if I see any red flags in who they're dating once they tell me they're dating someone seriously. Hasn't happened yet.

Wow!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am definitely planning to interfere. Not directly but subtly; will do my best

Unless there is physical, financial or mental abuse, you better not try to directly or 'subtly' control it.

Oh please. It’s too late when there’s abuse. If I see someone who is a drama queen or mentally unstable, guess what is most likely coming?

Pressuring your child in any way is a mistake. My aunt pressured my cousin into “settling,” unfortunately the guy she settled for was a fast moving train wreck that the entire family was horrified by. Everyone tried to get her to slow down the courtship (she wanted marriage and kids ASAP) but it was too late. She had internalized that she couldn’t do better, even though staying single would have been better than that guy. But if she hadn’t married him she would have blamed her family members who tried to get her to slow down as the reason she’s single. It’s a no win, you have to teach your kids to discern for themselves.

Anonymous wrote:If you sense your adult child is making a mistake by marrying their partner?

What are you sensing? What sort if mistake?

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it. Your view is not impartial, not even close.

This^. Road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Anonymous wrote:It's too late to interfere. They'd just make another mistake.
You did your best to instill good judgment in them when they were children. That aspect of your job is done. The only thing you can do now is be there when they realize their mistakes.

I kind of agree, too late to stop if they are engaged already. Kids mind probably long made up and not changing it. But, if fiancé has drug or alcohol issues or major mental health issues, I might object. Otherwise too late.

Signed,

I was set up with my husband by a parent.