It isn't a set amount. There will always be a few things under the tree for Christmas to open and then throughout the year I'll help with larger ticket things like stuff/furniture/art for their apartments or nicer clothes/shoes/bags for work. Growing up DH and I never exchanged on Christmas and they are used to that - it's the best thing we ever did actually - just makes the holiday about traditions that don't include gifts.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 30s. I usually get a $1,000 check from my mother and a $500 check from my father (parents are divorced, I'm an only child). They haven't provided any other type of financial support since college and helping to pay for my wedding.

So you’ve received approximately $15,000 from your mother and $7,000 from your father and you make it sound like it’s no big deal…you do realize that is vastly more than most Americans save in a lifetime. They paid for your college and wedding and give you more than a thousand dollars cash a year and you sound like you’re crying poor

Anonymous wrote:OP here - that's just it. Its our chance to buy big ticket items that really help them out. Like, a dining room set or something like that.
It wasn't done for us and we could have used the help, but we did it ourselves.
My kids are all in good, stable jobs and aren't deadbeats or anything.

I don’t spend for the sake of spending and don’t match numbers or dollars for the kids because some years there’s nothing they want or need. That being said, I’d definitely do what you do. This year, for my oldest (mid 20s with a good job), I think we spent $180 on something he really wanted. For middle kid (early 20s and working but struggling) about the same amount for something really wanted plus I also got him a sweatshirt and stuff for coffee - syrup sort of thing because he loves that. Youngest is still in HS so it’s different.

As for trips, it’s so rare that we can make the time but on those rare occasions, we pay. It makes me happy when we can go places together and I don’t mind paying.

In my family of origin, we got like $50 for Christmas, nothing for birthdays and no trips. ILs give us $100 at Christmas and expect us to pay for trips, which is fine. Just mentioning it because we’re very different than our families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- why does she say it’s awful?

that I'm spoiling them. They need to get a small gift and pay for their own vacations.

Out of curiosity, why is your mom concerned about this? Does she think that your kids will be less motivated to work hard or feel entitled to what you give them?

If your kids are working hard and are appreciative of what you want to give them, I don't think that there is anything wrong with what you're doing.

Yep, that's what she thinks, even though they all are doing well but still kind of starting out in life. As I look at it, all have decent jobs, two have houses (one is single and saved and saved so she could afford it), none of them have car payments, etc.

And like I said, we still get 1k a year from hubby's mom. And we don't need it but hell, it does help.

I have 4 kids and 1 son-in-law, and I spend $250 on each for Christmas (and the same for birthdays).

Vacations are not gifts.

OP here - that's just it. Its our chance to buy big ticket items that really help them out. Like, a dining room set or something like that.
It wasn't done for us and we could have used the help, but we did it ourselves.
My kids are all in good, stable jobs and aren't deadbeats or anything.

I would totally do this, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- why does she say it’s awful?

that I'm spoiling them. They need to get a small gift and pay for their own vacations.

Out of curiosity, why is your mom concerned about this? Does she think that your kids will be less motivated to work hard or feel entitled to what you give them?

If your kids are working hard and are appreciative of what you want to give them, I don't think that there is anything wrong with what you're doing.

PP. Of course, some might say that your money could help others. That's not the topic of this thread, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- why does she say it’s awful?

that I'm spoiling them. They need to get a small gift and pay for their own vacations.

Out of curiosity, why is your mom concerned about this? Does she think that your kids will be less motivated to work hard or feel entitled to what you give them?

If your kids are working hard and are appreciative of what you want to give them, I don't think that there is anything wrong with what you're doing.

OP here - that's just it. Its our chance to buy big ticket items that really help them out. Like, a dining room set or something like that.
It wasn't done for us and we could have used the help, but we did it ourselves.
My kids are all in good, stable jobs and aren't deadbeats or anything.

I have a 25 yo who doesn't make a lot of money (and neither do I, although significantly more than her), so probably $250-$300, including gift cards. Spending about $80 on her boyfriend.

I do pay when we go on vacation, although she'll chip in to pay for a couple meals.

Anonymous wrote:My parents normally give me 1k and dh a gift in the $100 range. My sibling isn't married so I think that helps make it more fair that dh isn't also getting 1k.

Growing up my grandparents gave each of their kids (7 kids) 15k every Christmas and grandkids (18 of us) each got 1k.

123k on Christmas gifts blows my mind. Especially considering this had to have been quite some time ago. I'm sure that's less than most houses (at the time).

My parents and my inlaws do not send us anything. My mom sends $50 for my birthday, so we can have a date night. Neither have money.

We are giving $500 each for our young adult, college aged kids. This is the first year I won't be buying gifts, and it feels wonderful. I feel very grateful to give so much to my kids. It might be chump change to people on DCUM, but we both came from blue collar/food stamps (during lean years) families.

My parents normally give me 1k and dh a gift in the $100 range. My sibling isn't married so I think that helps make it more fair that dh isn't also getting 1k.

Growing up my grandparents gave each of their kids (7 kids) 15k every Christmas and grandkids (18 of us) each got 1k.

We spend in the $500-1000 range each (including spouses). We also do a big family vacation post Christmas, generally to ski. We pay for every cent of that and I consider that part of our Christmas gift. And we pay for airfare for everyone to travel home for the holidays.

At some point it probably makes sense to switch to cash, but not yet.