Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 09:19     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:For years, no matter what I sent my sister, her response would be thank you, but….

Thank you, but I don’t eat anything that has even a passing acquaintance with sugar, thank you, but I already have plenty of gloves, thank you, but I don’t really care for plants, flowers, etc.

I just stopped sending her things. Although, near the end, my spouse and I would try to guess ahead of time what she would find to criticize about this year’s gift, haha. Difficult people are just going to be difficult, no matter how hard you try.


I guess the other way to go with this is just to send increasingly outrageous gifts-thank you but I don't need naked man shot glasses, a subscription to High Times, a 12 months of Donald Trump in a bathing suit calendar.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 09:11     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
For years, no matter what I sent my sister, her response would be thank you, but….

Thank you, but I don’t eat anything that has even a passing acquaintance with sugar, thank you, but I already have plenty of gloves, thank you, but I don’t really care for plants, flowers, etc.

I just stopped sending her things. Although, near the end, my spouse and I would try to guess ahead of time what she would find to criticize about this year’s gift, haha. Difficult people are just going to be difficult, no matter how hard you try.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 09:10     Subject: Re:What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess flowers are your best bet. If someone tells you they didn't like what you sent and can't give you any ideas about what might be more appropriate, that's also pretty salty so consider that her reaction to not getting a gift may not be worse than when she does get a gift. What does she send you?


The sister told her not send anything. That is literally what she wants.

What is wrong with people? You attach all this judgment to people who say "no gifts please" and you are probably the same people complaining about finances or someone not sending you a proper thank you note. No gifts means no gifts. If you chose to send something anyway it is not a gift, it is an imposition and it is rude, but you do you.



The sister did not say "don't send anything" and that is the problem. I'm not a gifty person so I am very happy when family agrees that we won't do gifts, but for a sister who expects a gift I would oblige and try to find something she would enjoy.


But she did say not to send something. she said no stuff. And no food. Donate to a charity if you must do something, and send her the receipt. You could also ask about college fund or savings account for small kids.


How about calling it quits on the gifts by mutual agreement.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 09:08     Subject: Re:What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess flowers are your best bet. If someone tells you they didn't like what you sent and can't give you any ideas about what might be more appropriate, that's also pretty salty so consider that her reaction to not getting a gift may not be worse than when she does get a gift. What does she send you?


The sister told her not send anything. That is literally what she wants.

What is wrong with people? You attach all this judgment to people who say "no gifts please" and you are probably the same people complaining about finances or someone not sending you a proper thank you note. No gifts means no gifts. If you chose to send something anyway it is not a gift, it is an imposition and it is rude, but you do you.



The sister did not say "don't send anything" and that is the problem. I'm not a gifty person so I am very happy when family agrees that we won't do gifts, but for a sister who expects a gift I would oblige and try to find something she would enjoy.


But she did say not to send something. she said no stuff. And no food. Donate to a charity if you must do something, and send her the receipt. You could also ask about college fund or savings account for small kids.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 09:03     Subject: Re:What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess flowers are your best bet. If someone tells you they didn't like what you sent and can't give you any ideas about what might be more appropriate, that's also pretty salty so consider that her reaction to not getting a gift may not be worse than when she does get a gift. What does she send you?


The sister told her not send anything. That is literally what she wants.

What is wrong with people? You attach all this judgment to people who say "no gifts please" and you are probably the same people complaining about finances or someone not sending you a proper thank you note. No gifts means no gifts. If you chose to send something anyway it is not a gift, it is an imposition and it is rude, but you do you.



The sister did not say "don't send anything" and that is the problem. I'm not a gifty person so I am very happy when family agrees that we won't do gifts, but for a sister who expects a gift I would oblige and try to find something she would enjoy.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:57     Subject: Re:What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess flowers are your best bet. If someone tells you they didn't like what you sent and can't give you any ideas about what might be more appropriate, that's also pretty salty so consider that her reaction to not getting a gift may not be worse than when she does get a gift. What does she send you?


The sister told her not send anything. That is literally what she wants.

What is wrong with people? You attach all this judgment to people who say "no gifts please" and you are probably the same people complaining about finances or someone not sending you a proper thank you note. No gifts means no gifts. If you chose to send something anyway it is not a gift, it is an imposition and it is rude, but you do you.



I think gift giving has become too intertwined with demonstrating love. I like listening to The Minimalists podcast - they have a good take on this.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:57     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
I missed the "she will be salty if I don't send anything." That part is nutty. I would just come to an agreement to stop the gift exchange. If she just said not to send anything I would say respect her wishes.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:46     Subject: Re:What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:I guess flowers are your best bet. If someone tells you they didn't like what you sent and can't give you any ideas about what might be more appropriate, that's also pretty salty so consider that her reaction to not getting a gift may not be worse than when she does get a gift. What does she send you?


The sister told her not send anything. That is literally what she wants.

What is wrong with people? You attach all this judgment to people who say "no gifts please" and you are probably the same people complaining about finances or someone not sending you a proper thank you note. No gifts means no gifts. If you chose to send something anyway it is not a gift, it is an imposition and it is rude, but you do you.

Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:43     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
She has made it clear she wants you to stop. It is not a gift if you impose your will on someone. The children will be fine. Respect boundaries. If someone asks you to stop hugging them do you insist because some research says hugs are good and beneficial for some people? It's not that hard. Don't send anything.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:41     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She sounds difficult. I don't think you'll every win with her, so don't stress yourself out trying. Just send a gold belly GC and be done with it.


Who knew that giving gifts to people was about “winning”?


In this case, I think "win" means sending the sister something that she enjoys.


Thank you, this is exactly what I meant when I posted it.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:40     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
What she wants is to stop exchanging gifts so that she doesn't have to think about it at all.

You may direct your Russ and Daughters gift basket to my house if you like.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:11     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
I would tell her you understand her family’s hard to buy for and you’re fine with just exchanging cards from now on. Why don’t the two of you plan to do something together instead?
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:06     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She sounds difficult. I don't think you'll every win with her, so don't stress yourself out trying. Just send a gold belly GC and be done with it.


Who knew that giving gifts to people was about “winning”?


In this case, I think "win" means sending the sister something that she enjoys.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:05     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Anonymous wrote:A family membership to a museum? Tickets to a baseball game? Alcohol? Fancy fruit? Gloves or scarves for whole family? Get them each a book with a return receipt? Sounds like she’s low carb. And also a pain. I wouldn’t stress if she doesn’t Ike it.


I like these ideas. But I'd keep it to an amount that you won't feel bad if it never gets used.

Anonymous
Post 12/07/2022 08:05     Subject: What to send sister and her family for Xmas? Says no to everything offered.
Ugh sorry this is also me with my in laws. By “I don’t want stuff” I mean “don’t buy me anything”.