My wife started getting therapy for herself. (She has issues she thinks stem from negative body image). My desire for sex ebbed as I hit 50 which brought it closer to hers and made me feel less alienated by her lack of sexual desire. As the kids got into the later teen years and were able to drive, our schedule became less demanding.

About five or six years ago, our relationship sounded very similar to what you describe. Now I feel like we're in a better place.

Anonymous wrote:You are coming from a place of deep need and weakness, that will turn any woman off; there is a group starting soon and as soon as it’s ready I will leave a link here, the man running it is an absolute genius.

Yeah I’m sure it really worked for you.

If your wife is going through menopause, that could be a cause. Lots of women go through a period of not wanting to be touched or be intimate.


Have you talked to her about it? Do either of you ever discuss your marriage or future?

Therapy for yourself is a good idea if you're struggling with how to approach this and can help with your communication skills.

I am in therapy OP, learning how to truly connect with my spouse. It’s made a huge difference. It’s cliche, but it seems that we can only really connect, when a) I take time to prioritize myself and things that refresh and revive me and b) when we are really honest and upfront about problems and issues. I have spent sooooo long pretending I’m not mad at him over stupid things that this is a real challenge for me.

Anonymous wrote:I highly recommend this article. I do't know the details of your life, but often women spend years asking their husbands for more emotional intimacy, but they are ignored. The husband doesn't realize something is up until the wife has given up and detached and starts planning a life without their husband. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/202209/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome-revisited

And if you want to get really in-depth with it, you can read a book called This Is How Your Marriage Ends. The title of the book seems alarming but it's pretty clever (it's a reference to a line in that TS Eliiot poem, "this is how the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper), and it really explains in depth why women (and sometimes men but mostly women) often detach and ask for a divorce. It is a hard book to read but easier than a divorce. I am a DW and never felt like my marriage was in trouble, but reading it very much motivated me to take my marriage seriously and do everything I could to avoid having a bad marriage that might lead to divorce.

What do you mean going out with friends defeats the purpose?

How do you bond with your wife besides dates and children?

Anonymous wrote:You are coming from a place of deep need and weakness, that will turn any woman off; there is a group starting soon and as soon as it’s ready I will leave a link here, the man running it is an absolute genius.

There are elements of truth here- the whole dance one partner takes two steps forward, the other two steps back. And sometimes you change who leads. I would start small with everyday mundane things. Let’s get breakfast and stop at the Garden Center to look at new plants for the yard type of events. Let’s get take-out and watch a movie. Also, the same advice we give women about working on themselves: exercising and socializing on your own, getting individual therapy.