Respect people. That means: believe that they say what they mean. And mean what they say.

and, btw, you do the same

We usually do a joint birthday and include the whole class as well as non mutual friends of both kids. It’s usually renting out a movie theater. Neither family wants 20+ gifts and the kids don’t want that many gifts either. It’s a lot to ask kids to bring presents for both kids and it would be awkward for kids who only really know one of the bday kids. To further discourage people from bringing gifts, and to avoid goody bags, we ask every kid to bring a wrapped book. Each kid grabs one from a bin as they head home. We toss in a couple of extras in case a kid forgets to bring one.

Anonymous wrote:For me "no gifts" translate to "cash only". Since I normally spend $25 for a kid's gift, I will send an Amazon e-gift card of the same amount.

If they have specified "canned goods", I will not send my kid with a can. I will buy $25 worth of cans.

Are you always this bad at following directions?

Is there a way to say books only. It seems no one follows no gifts so I'm trying to channel energy to something that can be fairly inexpensive.

Anonymous wrote:For the birthday kid

No. My reading comprehension is excellent.

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts because we don’t want anyone to feel like a gift is necessary for their child to attend. I would never think you are a jerk for bringing a gift though. (My kid is always delighted!) People on here need to lighten up. For some families, it’s really weird not to bring a gift to a party.

We say no gifts because we want the whole preschool / younger elementary age class to come. If people bring one anyway, I thank them and set it out of the way. There are a lot of immigrant families at our school and I don’t want them to think a gift WAS expected when we explicitly said “no gifts”. When we switched to “no gifts” and “siblings welcome” we went from having 1/2 the class rsvp to all but 1 or 2.

Even for families that can afford an extra $10-20, if each kid has 20 kids in their class and you have 2-3 kids, it adds up to a lot of money. We went to ALL the parties in preschool when we were trying to meet other parents, but now that my kids are mid-elementary, I will ask them how well they know a kid before we rsvp. I’d rather meet my kids’ peripheral friends and acquaintances at a no gift party than have a bunch of $15 Lego sets.

Anonymous wrote:For me "no gifts" translate to "cash only". Since I normally spend $25 for a kid's gift, I will send an Amazon e-gift card of the same amount.

If they have specified "canned goods", I will not send my kid with a can. I will buy $25 worth of cans.

In the first case, I understand that you see giving a gift card as being generous but I see it as you're still not doing what the host has asked. No gifts means no gifts at all--not an e-gift card either. I'm not saying I don't think most people would be happy to receive a gift card...I'm saying that you're still going against their stated wishes if you do this and it's no necessary. A kids' bday party is not a wedding. At a wedding, if they specify no gifts often it is still expected that a guest give a monetary gift. It's a custom. There is no such custom for a kid's bday party.

For the canned goods, since they're being donated to a food drive, it's great to give as much as you can/want.

Anonymous wrote:Just do what they ask. No gift and bring a canned good. Why are you asking here?

Exactly.

For me "no gifts" translate to "cash only". Since I normally spend $25 for a kid's gift, I will send an Amazon e-gift card of the same amount.

If they have specified "canned goods", I will not send my kid with a can. I will buy $25 worth of cans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts because we don’t want anyone to feel like a gift is necessary for their child to attend. I would never think you are a jerk for bringing a gift though. (My kid is always delighted!) People on here need to lighten up. For some families, it’s really weird not to bring a gift to a party.

We say no gifts because we live in a really small apartment and we would end up looking like hoarders if didn't say no gifts and kept everything. So if you bring a gift when we ask you not to we usually ask our kid to pick out an old toy to donate to make room for this one, or we re-gift the new one. I get that it sounds like too hard a line for a kid and that makes me sound like a grinch, but my kids are fine with it. Just don't expect everyone to welcome gifts with open arms and delight when we've asked you not to. And don't worry, our kids still get birthday and holiday gifts, but we simply don't have the capacity to store *another* box of aquabeads or whatever.

We live in a condo and same.

Anonymous wrote:We always say no gifts because we don’t want anyone to feel like a gift is necessary for their child to attend. I would never think you are a jerk for bringing a gift though. (My kid is always delighted!) People on here need to lighten up. For some families, it’s really weird not to bring a gift to a party.

We say no gifts because we live in a really small apartment and we would end up looking like hoarders if didn't say no gifts and kept everything. So if you bring a gift when we ask you not to we usually ask our kid to pick out an old toy to donate to make room for this one, or we re-gift the new one. I get that it sounds like too hard a line for a kid and that makes me sound like a grinch, but my kids are fine with it. Just don't expect everyone to welcome gifts with open arms and delight when we've asked you not to. And don't worry, our kids still get birthday and holiday gifts, but we simply don't have the capacity to store *another* box of aquabeads or whatever.

We always say no gifts because we don’t want anyone to feel like a gift is necessary for their child to attend. I would never think you are a jerk for bringing a gift though. (My kid is always delighted!) People on here need to lighten up. For some families, it’s really weird not to bring a gift to a party.

Just do what they ask. No gift and bring a canned good. Why are you asking here?

They said no gifts. It's actually very self centered to have the mindset that people do not mean what they say.

Anonymous wrote:No gifts if the host asks for no gifts. Don’t be a jerk.

+so much this!!!