Anonymous wrote:They just live there. Sometimes quiet sometimes not. I gave up and just figure it is like an invisible friend except I don’t talk about it out loud.

For a long time I didn’t think about them At all (like 15+ years) but a pandemic fueled mid life crisis brought them back.

The invisible friend thing is insane and the most accurate description of mine, 16 years later. Mine used to give me life-changing advice and support in the course of just regular, casual conversation. So sometimes I think of him when I’m going through a difficult situation. I haven’t seen or talked to him in 13 years but he is still an important part of my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I felt that way too. Then I met someone better. She beat every item on the ex's list.

She's someone else's ex. In this scenario, I am the someone else.

Mindfulness and keeping busy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I mean, can they really be that great if they broke up with you? What caused the break up?

You can roll your eyes, but George Clooney has an ex-wife. I'm the ex-wife in this scenario.

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I felt that way too. Then I met someone better. She beat every item on the ex's list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relationship ended 21 years ago, I still think of him regularly. It was an intense and valuable three years of my life and I don't want to ignore that. It wasn't bad until it ended badly. I think I kind of mourn him and the relationship as if they were both dead even though he isn't. I do know, however, he is not and will never be anyone I would want to have anything to do with now so it's not longing for him, it's just memories.

Are you in touch with or know what happened to this person?

I have not been in touch with him at all for 19 years but I am friends with a member of his family. I talk to her every few months and I do not ever ask her about him but she occasionally tells me stuff and I don't stop her. Nothing she has ever said has made me wish I could see or talk to him though.

Anonymous wrote:Relationship ended 21 years ago, I still think of him regularly. It was an intense and valuable three years of my life and I don't want to ignore that. It wasn't bad until it ended badly. I think I kind of mourn him and the relationship as if they were both dead even though he isn't. I do know, however, he is not and will never be anyone I would want to have anything to do with now so it's not longing for him, it's just memories.

Are you in touch with or know what happened to this person?

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I mean, can they really be that great if they broke up with you? What caused the break up?

Anonymous wrote:Relationship ended 21 years ago, I still think of him regularly. It was an intense and valuable three years of my life and I don't want to ignore that. It wasn't bad until it ended badly. I think I kind of mourn him and the relationship as if they were both dead even though he isn't. I do know, however, he is not and will never be anyone I would want to have anything to do with now so it's not longing for him, it's just memories.

This is me too. Ended 22 years ago and now happily married. They were a significant and intense part of my life for a few years and my first love.

11 years and counting. Together five years.

After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

Yep. Don't know what to do about it.

I have unhelpful thoughts about a person repetively but it's not an ex. Whenever you are thinking of him, have a certain thing that you decide now to think about instead. The substitute thought subject must be positive/neutral/fun and /or challenging to think about. I might choose vacation planning, or more specifically, a destination I am very interested in. That could lead to research and progress toward visiting that place. Now, I am an obsessive thinker, and need something consuming as a replacement thought subject, but if you're on the lighter side, you might just have a favorite, sunny family memory that you choose to think about instead of the unwanted thoughts. It needs personalization depending on your style.

Yes

They aren’t perfect. They aren’t. Write down the things they said or did that felt slightly off. Even if at the time they didn’t or you shoved that into a little drawer marked unimportant.

Write them down, even if they are two things. Or ten. Think about those when your mind starts to drift.