Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 13:23     Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:The converse of this post would be:

“he wanted to walk me to my car! How creepy/forward/patronizing is that ?!? “

- and you’d get the same supportive response here on DCUMAD if you posted it; “yes creepy; no second date!”


+1
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 13:08     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Met a guy on OLD. Went out for 1st date last night. Drinks turned into dinner and we chatted for about 3 hours. From an appearance standpoint, the idea of sleeping with him doesn't repulse me. So in short, everything was fine. Until the end when he didn't walk me to my car at 11 at night. He was parked in a different floor of the garage and hugged me good bye in the elevator.

My thoughts this morning---if he can't be bothered to walk me to my car after a nice first date, it's probably not something that's important to him. Is it really important to me? Did I not feel safe walking to my car? The answer to both of those is no but I wanted/expected the gesture.

The second thought is Roy telling Rebecca she deserves better than fine. Yes I know that is fiction and what happens on tv doesn't always exist in reality. The date was fine. He was pleasant to talk with. But there was no spark. This morning I'm rather ambivalent about seeing him again. Given a choice, I'd have a hard time picking between going out with him on an evening or staying home by myself and watching tv.

What say you DCUM? Are my expectations for the gesture too high, not realistic? Is fine good enough or am I supposed to feel excited about seeing someone again? He's already asked to go out again. I haven't responded yet.


How old are you, OP? How old is he?
If you want to be walked to your car, say as much. Communicate. You liked him enough to continue a drinks-only date into dinner. You liked him enough for a 3 hour date. I'd give it a second chance.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:58     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who are Roy and Rebecca?



Right. Is this a copy and paste?


You don't sound into him so no second date. It's not wrong for you to want those gestures but at the same time you really shouldn't script your relationships or dating like fiction.


Characters on the show Ted Lasso. You should watch it, it's a great show.

Might as well go on a second date. Why not? It took me six months of being friends to become attracted to my now husband of 12 years.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:53     Subject: Second date or no?
I can take care of myself, I don’t need a man to walk me home or to the car, what is this 1950!!

Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:37     Subject: Second date or no?
The real as opposed to pretend reason to walk a woman to her car is to prolong the date and gauge interest in a kiss. The guy was probably not feeling OP or thought she had halitosis.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:34     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female


That’s your interpretation of the gesture and you don’t really know what they’re thinking.

OP, perhaps his last date told him she hated being walked to her car 🤷‍♀️


PP and that’s exactly my point. OP thinks he was being disrespectful but that’s just her take - mine is that he was being respectful.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:28     Subject: Second date or no?
This is a stupid thing to get hung up on, but you should try to aim higher in terms of chemistry than "not repulsed by the thought of sleeping with them". Yikes. So my verdict is no second date, if that's the extent of your attraction.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:28     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female


Hi

I posted above about “the converse;”

- thanks for your response. It also makes sense.

And the person who responded to me: yeah, dating is always a risk I guess. Luck is required.

In some ways, it’s a miracle we ever manage to get together and amazing we continue to survive as a species.

Good luck OP!

I personally would give the guy another chance.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:25     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female


Agree with this.



This is a good point. In the past I have signaled to guys that I am okay with them walking me to the car by saying how cold it is. They off me their jacket or out right asking if they minded.

At the same time if I don't want that I end the date quickly at the entrance
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:23     Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You could communicate that you like being walked to your car. I didn’t feel any sparks until 3rd date with my now 10 year DH.


This. Gonna be a long road for you.


Disagree. Op isn't into him. No need to prolong it or convince herself she's into him. Some women really do know on the first date.

If she was in to him I would suggest she communicate her desires.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:23     Subject: Re:Second date or no?
If you were into him and he was hot, this would make you like him even more.
Next!
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:17     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Who are Roy and Rebecca?



Right. Is this a copy and paste?


You don't sound into him so no second date. It's not wrong for you to want those gestures but at the same time you really shouldn't script your relationships or dating like fiction.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:03     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Met a guy on OLD. Went out for 1st date last night. Drinks turned into dinner and we chatted for about 3 hours. From an appearance standpoint, the idea of sleeping with him doesn't repulse me. So in short, everything was fine. Until the end when he didn't walk me to my car at 11 at night. He was parked in a different floor of the garage and hugged me good bye in the elevator.

My thoughts this morning---if he can't be bothered to walk me to my car after a nice first date, it's probably not something that's important to him. Is it really important to me? Did I not feel safe walking to my car? The answer to both of those is no but I wanted/expected the gesture.

The second thought is Roy telling Rebecca she deserves better than fine. Yes I know that is fiction and what happens on tv doesn't always exist in reality. The date was fine. He was pleasant to talk with. But there was no spark. This morning I'm rather ambivalent about seeing him again. Given a choice, I'd have a hard time picking between going out with him on an evening or staying home by myself and watching tv.

What say you DCUM? Are my expectations for the gesture too high, not realistic? Is fine good enough or am I supposed to feel excited about seeing someone again? He's already asked to go out again. I haven't responded yet.


You can want whatever you want, but if you are super picky and willing to make judgments based on one small thing, then don't complain when you can't find long term relationships. I hope, for your sake, that you're really hot.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 12:03     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female


Agree with this.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 11:59     Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:You could communicate that you like being walked to your car. I didn’t feel any sparks until 3rd date with my now 10 year DH.


This!

As others have said, he may not have known you wanted to be walked to your car (and may have thought you would think it's creepy). So ask him to walk you next time (if he won't when asked that's another story). Also, there aren't always "sparks" on first dates - give it a chance! Give it a few dates for something to actually develop - but if it hasn't after a few dates then call it quits with him.

I actually had that exact thought about wanting to stay in and watch TV rather than go on a date - but if you want a relationship you have to stay out there. Dating is hard and tiring, and it may take a while (and many blah dates) to find the one. But it does happen!