Anonymous wrote:OP, your question is not a legal one about whether to sign or not, without the financial paperwork. On that topic, DCUM will be unanimous - don't sign it without reviewing the financial docs. Rather, it is about how to manage your father's expectations. That is the trickier question and DCUM will likely have different opinions on that.

But I would start with this. Take your father out to dinner and have a separate conversation with him, without the pressure of signing the docs. It seems like there is some baggage that both of you have and start doing the hard work of figuring out how to put some of the baggage down. That baggage will get in the way of amicably addressing this estate paperwork.

Anonymous wrote:Update: he told me to just cross out the parts that aren't true but changed his mind, so he is sending me the financials. Apparently this is part of the estate. I guess I am the beneficiary of part of the life insurance policies. Hopefully that means that reviewing the financials will be straightforward: just regular payments into the policies and then the payment out after my grandparents passed.

Anonymous wrote:I think you should quietly hire an estate lawyer and get his legal advice.

Then I think you discuss with him and your sister how to handle this emotionally with your dad. Not sure but I’d make sure you remain polite.

As an attorney I can understand not wanting to sign a document that says you’ve reviewed something you haven’t

Anonymous wrote:How much $$ are we talking about? Plane tickets are not that expensive right now. Book a ticket and tell him you are coming for 24 hours to review the paperwork and then sign.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The estate is in Texas. I am not being added as an executor, rather my uncle is being removed. The paperwork specifically says "The Beneficiary has had full and opportunity to inspect the books and records of the Trustee maintained with respect to the Trust" and "The Beneficiary has made such investigation regarding the actions, omissions, and decisions made by the Trustee in its capacity as Co-Trustee of the Trust as necessary to execute this Agreement" and "the Beneficiary has received, or been given the opportunity to review, regular account statements from the Trustee covering the period the Trustee served as Co-Trustee of the Trust."

I very much want to preserve the relationship I have with my dad, but I feel that this is one of the many conditionalities that he places on our relationship. The previous poster who identified the true issue as challenges in our relationship is correct. This is not about money. I feel like I have to make myself smaller to be able to have a relationship with him.

I guess the warmest way to handle this would be to find a time when I am feeling particularly calm and call him to explain that I don't feel comfortable signing without the info I am required to review but that I really don't anticipate any issues.

I would say that you can't sign something that is false not that you are uncomfortable. The later opens you up to him trying to make you more comfortable. I agree with pointing out to him that he would never advise a client to do this. Plus I definitely think you should get our own lawyer and have she/he advise you.

In talking to your dad, try doing a lot of validating. "I know dealing with this estate has been a ton of work for you and I totally understand why you want it wrapped up quickly." Etc.

Anonymous wrote:The estate is in Texas. I am not being added as an executor, rather my uncle is being removed. The paperwork specifically says "The Beneficiary has had full and opportunity to inspect the books and records of the Trustee maintained with respect to the Trust" and "The Beneficiary has made such investigation regarding the actions, omissions, and decisions made by the Trustee in its capacity as Co-Trustee of the Trust as necessary to execute this Agreement" and "the Beneficiary has received, or been given the opportunity to review, regular account statements from the Trustee covering the period the Trustee served as Co-Trustee of the Trust."

I very much want to preserve the relationship I have with my dad, but I feel that this is one of the many conditionalities that he places on our relationship. The previous poster who identified the true issue as challenges in our relationship is correct. This is not about money. I feel like I have to make myself smaller to be able to have a relationship with him.

I guess the warmest way to handle this would be to find a time when I am feeling particularly calm and call him to explain that I don't feel comfortable signing without the info I am required to review but that I really don't anticipate any issues.

Anonymous wrote:The estate is in Texas. I am not being added as an executor, rather my uncle is being removed. The paperwork specifically says "The Beneficiary has had full and opportunity to inspect the books and records of the Trustee maintained with respect to the Trust" and "The Beneficiary has made such investigation regarding the actions, omissions, and decisions made by the Trustee in its capacity as Co-Trustee of the Trust as necessary to execute this Agreement" and "the Beneficiary has received, or been given the opportunity to review, regular account statements from the Trustee covering the period the Trustee served as Co-Trustee of the Trust."

I very much want to preserve the relationship I have with my dad, but I feel that this is one of the many conditionalities that he places on our relationship. The previous poster who identified the true issue as challenges in our relationship is correct. This is not about money. I feel like I have to make myself smaller to be able to have a relationship with him.

I guess the warmest way to handle this would be to find a time when I am feeling particularly calm and call him to explain that I don't feel comfortable signing without the info I am required to review but that I really don't anticipate any issues.