Like a PP, “home” is a warm, lovely place, so I still go for at least part of the Christmas-to-New Year period. I’m late 50s and have never not gone home. Last year there were some COVID travel cancellations and I was ready to give up, but my mother almost had a breakdown at the thought of me not making it. I persevered and got there. My kid is college age and still happy to spend the holiday there with me. XH is from the same hometown, so while married there was never a conflict or need to split the holidays in different places. I don’t bother much with Thanksgiving, but once in a blue moon I may go home for that, too.

It will be different when my mother passes and thinking about that saddens me. But I have other family there and will probably continue going there for part of the holidays after she’s gone. Without her it won’t be like “going home”, though.💔

We stopped when our parents (4 sets due to divorce) revealed themselves to not ever wanting to come visit or take turns to come here. They were / are physically and financially able to do so, and very few obligations of their own. Yet they don't. So, neither do we.

We have to take time from work, pay to travel, manage kids/pets/homes, etc. So, we just don't anymore. We'll see them before, after, or some other time in the year.

We went to my parents home until my first niece was born and now we host Christmas because we’re local and all the kids live down here— parents travel.

We still travel for Thanksgiving with the agreement that we’ll take over hosting when my dad retires.

I went home for holidays a couple of times in college, about half. It was not an assumed obligation. It is not an assume obligation, either, for my adult children now in their 20's-30's. They are entitled to spend the holidays in their own homes, create their own traditions.

I would have gone “home” to my parents for Christmas forever (DH’s family doesn’t celebrate it.) But my sister stopped coming and declared her kids were having Christmas at their own home going forward. Totally fine, but after a few years of that my mom basically disinvited us so she could go to my sisters. Then she passed away and my dad doesn’t do anything so we just have Christmas at our house. I didn’t even know that my last Christmas at my childhood home was my last. It’s sad.

Anonymous wrote:Hey, could people in this thread simply share what they do without putting down what others do? Maybe recognize that people have different relationships with their families and that some people may need to weight a desire to maintain family traditions and connections with their own well being, or to protect their kids from others. I am happy for anyone who has a close and uncomplicated relationship with their parents and siblings, but it's not true for everyone so maybe keep that in mind before telling people that their holiday arrangements are "sad" based on your own assumptions about how other people's families work. It is unkind.

+1000

We still travel every year to one set of grandparents or the other. Two kids, 2 and 5. We just tell the kids that Santa knows how to find them.

Christmas at home would certainly be easier but I think it's more fun with family. Plus my Mom is a widow and I don't like the idea of her spending Christmas alone.

I still go home bc my parents live in FL, and I'd much rather spend the last week of December there than in the cold dark north. Kids feel the same way.

Anonymous wrote:Hey, could people in this thread simply share what they do without putting down what others do? Maybe recognize that people have different relationships with their families and that some people may need to weight a desire to maintain family traditions and connections with their own well being, or to protect their kids from others. I am happy for anyone who has a close and uncomplicated relationship with their parents and siblings, but it's not true for everyone so maybe keep that in mind before telling people that their holiday arrangements are "sad" based on your own assumptions about how other people's families work. It is unkind.

You sound entirely too reasonable and empathetic for DCUM, where everyone's issues are everyone's issues

My parents are immigrants, and we stopped going home for the holidays sometime in college. They were sporadic with their christmas and thanksgiving gatherings - and I think they were happy to stop doing them once we moved out.

We dream of ordering Chinese food. This year, we are going away for Christmas to make new traditions. We went to the elder generation’s celebrations and did some on our own. What we did depended upon which family we were with. We have tried to go back and forth between families and work with siblings to keep elders from being alone.

My sibling said horrible things to me so I am distancing myself for good. That means more time with other family out of state or even country, which is easier than staying in town and dealing with drama and screaming.

I think remaining flexible with your plans is key when you have young adult children. Go visit them, help pay for plane tickets, make the trip home more fun if you can.

And don't get all twisted out of shape if they can't (or don't want to) travel during the busiest travel days of the year.

It just depends on the year. My kids are spread out all over the US. Last year I had all five of my kids home. Three of them are married. I have two grandkids. We had a blast! This year, I’ll have two of the five home. I don’t pressure them. They have family on both sides who want to see them. If we have them home, yay! If they can’t be here, we’ll see them later.

Christmas has always been more of a "thing" for my family than my husband's, so we always went to my parents house for the holiday. Once we had kids, we started hosting, but that's because our house is better suited for family gatherings. Our family gatherings rarely happen on Christmas Day though, usually the weekend before or after.

When my oldest was 1 years old we traveled for the last time on Christmas. I just realized that parents' Christmases' weren't kid friendly (and my kids will never have cousins) and I wanted more for my kids. So I started hosting Christmases and over half of our families came. I like that both sets of family can come versus us being pulled in two directions. I'm not traveling again until my kids no longer believe in Santa. I feel like Christmas morning with kids is like the Super Bowl of childhood. Seeing their joy that morning makes everything worth it and I'm not giving it up so we can sleep in sleeping bags at parents' houses.