I’d be pretty mad.

What date is she coming? Did you already plan to have Christmas together or are you seeing no one over the holidays? A month is a huge long time. Can she stay with her friends? I’d be proactive and give her a date (with beginning and end) that you’re willing or have her come visit after the baby is born. Like 5 days when the baby is a month old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. As someone who had ill-timed houseguests for both of my pregnancies/births, I don't think I'd be too annoyed about this. Maybe a 3 out of 10. My first was really difficult and I barely slept, but it was nice to have someone around to talk to. My second was so easy and slept so much that I was really bored and again, it was nice to at least have someone to pass time with.

Are we talking like...doesn't lift a finger as in won't make dinner/clean up? Or she won't even make sandwiches?

Has never made a sandwich or meal or offered me a cup of water before. Extremely unhelpful. I’ll be expected to cook for her.

You'll be expected by whom to cook for her? Nip it in the bud. If that's your DH's expectation, tell him now that you will not be cooking for anyone that month as you will be gestating and/or recovering. If that's your MIL's expectation, have your DH tell her the same.

Since you're about to be a parent, now is a good time to set boundaries based on what is best for you and the baby, other people's expectations be damned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15.

Absolutely not, no and no way. DH can deal with it. ESPECIALLY given cold/flu/RSV/COVID. Absolutely hell to the no.

+1 — no way, since she’s mainly crashing at your place so she can go out and socialize and bring back who knows what at the height of flu season, with RSV and Covid no joke for a newborn.

+1

She pushes back her trip at least a month and it is 1 week max. 3 days if she is staying with you.

And she doesn't socialize if she wants to see the baby - she can do that after she sees the baby. Is she up-to-date on vaccinations?

I would be an 11 also. OP, in addition to your legitimate feelings, there are health concerns of having visitors immediately that many parents are sensitive to. Its reasonable to not want someone who's just been on a plane to stay with you and be around a newborn- and you said she's going to be "seeing people" aka socializing during with with covid/flu/rsv and potentially bringing that to your house when you already don't want to host her.

No, no, no, but your husband needs to deal with this and it's a massive red flag that he agreed to it. She needs to cancel the flight, and he needs to tell her.

I would be furious with my husband.

I’d be apoplectic. And H would need to remedy his error, immediately. she needs to cancel the flight.

My ILs sound like your MIL, never lift a finger, are a net negative as guests because not only do they not lift a finger, they are demanding guests and create more work. They came 6 weeks after our first was born and stayed for 10 days. I was ready to kill them and my husband by the end of day one. They purposefully woke the baby every time I got it to sleep. At lunchtime on day one they sat on the couch and looked over at me trying to calm a colicky baby who hadn’t yet slept that day due to the wake ups and said “What are you making us for lunch?” You will be so resentful of your spouse if he does not fix this and it happens.

Anonymous wrote:15.

Absolutely not, no and no way. DH can deal with it. ESPECIALLY given cold/flu/RSV/COVID. Absolutely hell to the no.

+1 — no way, since she’s mainly crashing at your place so she can go out and socialize and bring back who knows what at the height of flu season, with RSV and Covid no joke for a newborn.

10+ and I'd completely dump this on your DH. He gets to take care of you, the baby and his mother.

How far does your family live? My situation was completely different from yours (other than I was 40) but when I had our 2nd child, I went with the baby to stay with my mother for a couple weeks. DH kept our toddler. My mom is really helpful and it was really nice for me to have someone who didn't mind getting up with the baby and I had absolutely no responsibilities at her house. I was able to recover more quickly and DH and our toddler kept their schedule. When I came back, I was in a much better position to juggle everything. Just a thought.

Anonymous wrote:I had told family including my mother and my mother in law we wanted a few weeks to settle before visitors as it’s our first baby (40’s couple) and maybe only baby.

Your MIL is your most urgent problem but your husband is your biggest one. Why did he agree to this unilaterally?

Your MIL should not be staying with you for a month in your 2BR condo with a newborn under ANY circumstances, but especially when you've explicitly told her not to come during that time.

If she is coming to visit friends, she (or your husband) needs to make arrangements for her to stay with them.

I wouldn't be annoyed at all because my husband would be the one dealing with it while the baby and I left and stayed in a really nice hotel. Or I would agree to stay at the condo if he did 100% of the cooking, cleaning and catering to his mother. I sure as heck would not be. Don't you dare do a thing for her? This is on him, not you

Absolutely not. Your husband needs to get her a hotel. He should be the one dealing with this, but it sounds like he just caved and told her she can do whatever she wants.

1000. Do not cook for her. Do not cook for him. Do not do anything for either of them.

You need to stop this now. Right now. Reimburse her for the flights if you must. But you have a very, very serious DH problem and it will ruin your marriage if you don't squelch it immediately.

OP, please don't count on your husband helping "extra" if his mom comes. The first newborn is plenty of work for two people. This early in the game, there will be no bandwidth for an entitled houseguest.

I’m sorry, did you say she was staying a month??? And she is unhelpful?

15.

Absolutely not, no and no way. DH can deal with it. ESPECIALLY given cold/flu/RSV/COVID. Absolutely hell to the no.