Maybe sign for the letter with a squiggle or something that doesn't look like your signature (someone else's initials?).

Anonymous wrote:No way would I sign ….she’ll get the signature card back with your signature and she will have “won” the battle. Just refuse delivery.

OP needs to move past "winning" and "losing" to doing what works best for her. Who cares even if mom thinks she's "won the battle." Mom has apparently done a lot worse in the past but she's out of the picture now and any hypothetical victory dance should be irrelevant to OP. Freedom is not caring what mom thinks.

Anyway, when OP doesn't respond, mom will know she actually lost the battle. If that matters.

Anonymous wrote:What is stopping her from showing up at your door ? I would show up and put you in my car and you’d go home with me.

that's a crime. might be more than one.

OP: This is some insane stuff my mom might do. I would not accept. She tried to sue the woman who gave her up for adoption so I hve no doubt I would not want to allow into my life whatever message was in that letter.

What is stopping her from showing up at your door ? I would show up and put you in my car and you’d go home with me.

Anonymous wrote:Sign for it, but make your signature Eff Off and Die

Winner

You can refuse the letter. You can also accept it, put it in another envelope and sent it back to her unopened

Sign for it, but make your signature Eff Off and Die

I posted before OP, but one thing that helps me to remember is I am no longer a helpless little girl. I can protect myself. She wants to stir up difficult emotions to manipulate you. Your need a huge coat of emotional armor. You also need a plan if she escalates. She wants you to be that vulnerable child.She does not not want to contend with someone stands up for herself.

Paper can't harm you. Certified letters are meant to give people a jolt. What can she sue you for? Nothing, right? Are you afraid she will ruin your reputation? That's slander and you can hire a lawyer. Think of what scares you most and then how you will handle it as the strong, smart super-heroine you are, not the scares and crying child.

Can you have this letter redirected to me? I am invested in your story now and want to know what the cut off mother has to say!

All kidding aside, I would accept it and toss it. Kudos to you for a remarkable amount of self control and commitment.

OP, what course of action would take up the least space in your head and cause you the least turmoil? Do that.

I would assume that is to accept the letter and immediately get rid of it without reading. That requires one moment of your time, as opposed to days of avoiding it and thinking about it. (No different really than deleting a VM without reading it or throwing away other things that are mailed, right?) But do whatever the answer is for you.

It's amazing how obsessed these abusive people get having interaction. You shouldn't have to join a witness protection program to get away from someone, but sadly these people need a way to keep the crazy going.

I understand the stress OP I truly do. Some don't. Some people don't understand what it is like to have deranged parent determined to engage. Some will say "she just wants to make sure you are safe." It's the same with gifts...some will say "she just wants to be generous with you." They don't understand with manipulative people gifts are a way to force engagement, and try to make you feel like you owe them. There is always some proverbial string danging from the gift, ready to choke you.

I have a parent and sibling just like this. They are both extremely unhappy people who have scared off friends and they both are much more stable and manageable when medicated, but both refuse to stay on meds.I don't know if there is anything you can legally do if no threat has been made.

If a police officer shows up at your door for a welfare check I would let the officer know why you are estranged from your mother and see if she/he has suggestions to make her back off. I would stay as calm as possible. If she shows up at your door calmly ask her to leave or you will call the police. If she screams verbal daggers and pushes your buttons simply stay calm and repeat and then see if it's enough to get a restraining order.

You sound way too invested in the drama of how exactly not to read this letter. It doesn’t matter how they read your type of non response. Stop letting them live in your head rent free and just do whatever is most convenient to you.

No way would I sign ….she’ll get the signature card back with your signature and she will have “won” the battle. Just refuse delivery.

Reject it if you are home when the postman comes or ignore it if there is a note to pick it up at the post office.

Don’t play their games. Any response or contact from you will set the game in their head back to zero. They’ll keep being manipulative and escalate. You just have to keep goring, never responding and wait until they eventually get tired of trying to mess with you.