It's also a little validating if sil reaches out to say I talked to your mom she said she called you guys 10 times and you don't pick up. It will be very easy to say no that's simply not true vs not knowing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you unblocked her, OP. Seems like you might not be ready for radio silence from her.

My SIL mentioned that between thanksgiving and Christmas that she reached out to us a million times and even said sorry even though she didn't do anything wrong. During the time she was blocked. Out of pure curiosity we unblocked her. No interest in engaging but genuine curious what if anything these text messages would say. I truly doubt she sent anything knowing her. She didn't get her way at Thanksgiving and I'm sure she gave us the silent treatment not knowing she was already blocked. But in the rare chance what she told SIL was true. I wanted to see what her narrative would be.

No texts no calls. I feel okay about it. We are dealing with infertility and trying IVF in a few months to have a child. I know that if and when that child comes to us there is no way I'd be able to have a relationship with my mother. The thought of her holding said child or even being in the same room. I'd become violent. Knowing she's still in contact with my brother, not only that but thinks he hung the moon. She'd be sending him photos and I couldn't handle that. I'm glad we are dealing with this now and not postpartum. Hopefully I can do some work in therapy and get healthier in the next few months

I don’t think you can see old texts that she sent while she was blocked, at least on an iPhone. Not saying you should unblock her or that she is telling the truth about sending those messages.

Correct. I wish when you unblocked ppl you could see any attempted contact. But yes we know we can't see if she tried. We unblocked to see if by chance she was telling the truth and if she continued to reach out with a supposed apology. She hasn't. We haven't felt the need to block again. I imagine if she ever does contact us and it's not an apology we will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you unblocked her, OP. Seems like you might not be ready for radio silence from her.

My SIL mentioned that between thanksgiving and Christmas that she reached out to us a million times and even said sorry even though she didn't do anything wrong. During the time she was blocked. Out of pure curiosity we unblocked her. No interest in engaging but genuine curious what if anything these text messages would say. I truly doubt she sent anything knowing her. She didn't get her way at Thanksgiving and I'm sure she gave us the silent treatment not knowing she was already blocked. But in the rare chance what she told SIL was true. I wanted to see what her narrative would be.

No texts no calls. I feel okay about it. We are dealing with infertility and trying IVF in a few months to have a child. I know that if and when that child comes to us there is no way I'd be able to have a relationship with my mother. The thought of her holding said child or even being in the same room. I'd become violent. Knowing she's still in contact with my brother, not only that but thinks he hung the moon. She'd be sending him photos and I couldn't handle that. I'm glad we are dealing with this now and not postpartum. Hopefully I can do some work in therapy and get healthier in the next few months

I don’t think you can see old texts that she sent while she was blocked, at least on an iPhone. Not saying you should unblock her or that she is telling the truth about sending those messages.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the update OP. I’m glad you’re doing well. I remember your posts during the holidays. It’s so hard to take those first steps, but when it’s time, it’s time.

Be careful unblocking her. After we cut ties with my parents, they would still send random texts or call and leave voicemails. The reason I say random is because it would be truly random times, not necessarily holidays and birthdays. My best friend from elementary school passed away recently. I knew she was dying, got regular updates from her family. It hit me really hard. About a week after she passed, my mom sent me a photo of her obituary, I guess to be helpful in case I hasn’t gotten the news. No words, nothing but a pic of my childhood friend’s obituary popping up on my phone while I’m at work. I’d been ignoring her until then in case she ever decided to text an apology or something I guess, but that’s when I blocked her. The happy birthday texts a few days before or after my birthday was bad enough, but that was cruel.

I'm so sorry. That is terrible. Absolutely cruel. Im glad you blocked her after that.
-op

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you unblocked her, OP. Seems like you might not be ready for radio silence from her.

My SIL mentioned that between thanksgiving and Christmas that she reached out to us a million times and even said sorry even though she didn't do anything wrong. During the time she was blocked. Out of pure curiosity we unblocked her. No interest in engaging but genuine curious what if anything these text messages would say. I truly doubt she sent anything knowing her. She didn't get her way at Thanksgiving and I'm sure she gave us the silent treatment not knowing she was already blocked. But in the rare chance what she told SIL was true. I wanted to see what her narrative would be.

No texts no calls. I feel okay about it. We are dealing with infertility and trying IVF in a few months to have a child. I know that if and when that child comes to us there is no way I'd be able to have a relationship with my mother. The thought of her holding said child or even being in the same room. I'd become violent. Knowing she's still in contact with my brother, not only that but thinks he hung the moon. She'd be sending him photos and I couldn't handle that. I'm glad we are dealing with this now and not postpartum. Hopefully I can do some work in therapy and get healthier in the next few months

I don't understand why you unblocked her, OP. Seems like you might not be ready for radio silence from her.

Thank you for the update OP. I’m glad you’re doing well. I remember your posts during the holidays. It’s so hard to take those first steps, but when it’s time, it’s time.

Be careful unblocking her. After we cut ties with my parents, they would still send random texts or call and leave voicemails. The reason I say random is because it would be truly random times, not necessarily holidays and birthdays. My best friend from elementary school passed away recently. I knew she was dying, got regular updates from her family. It hit me really hard. About a week after she passed, my mom sent me a photo of her obituary, I guess to be helpful in case I hasn’t gotten the news. No words, nothing but a pic of my childhood friend’s obituary popping up on my phone while I’m at work. I’d been ignoring her until then in case she ever decided to text an apology or something I guess, but that’s when I blocked her. The happy birthday texts a few days before or after my birthday was bad enough, but that was cruel.

You have the family you’ve created. Keep building your village.

OP here

I'm so sorry for those of you who can relate. It's not an experience I wish on anyone.

It's almost 3 months. We haven't made contact since we blocked her thanksgiving week. It feels surreal. We heard from my SIL over Christmas that my mother was saying they won't answer the phone. I don't understand why they are so mad, I didn't do anything at all, and saying she tried to reach out to us.

No idea if that's true. Knowing my mother she wouldn't have reached out and she certainly wouldn't have apologized. But she would absolutely paint us as the unreasonable dramatic ones to my SIL and her son.

We unblocked her # when we got home just to see if was making contact. Crickets.

We live 15-20 minutes from her. It feels weird but deep down I know it's for the best. I know she has convinced herself and prob others that she is the victim and we are so cold hearted to cut her out I know deep down she has to know what she's done. It's also so evident when my DH who grew up with a typical normal family is really not used to getting screamed at over the phone. I think she really let her mask down and knows it.

I find myself missing the idea of a mom.andni wish things were different but ultimately I wish she was a different person. Not sure if I will ever get acknowledgement for what she did, and how I dug myself out of it from her before she does but I'll work on not needing it to move on.

Thanks for the support here

OP I relate so much and I wish you continued strength and peace. My mom is so much like yours. My health cannot take any more of her wrath. I have been aging backwards since I refused to take any more abuse. Life is plenty stressful, but I can sleep, no more anxiety attacks or 2 day migraines or catching every virus I am exposed to and then getting a nasty secondary infection. I honestly only wish her happiness and I think if I continued the relationship she wanted I would end up seriously verbally lashing out right back at her and while she can dish it, she cannot take it. The silence is beautiful and in my case I made it her decision. She had to chose to stop insulting me and she refused.

OP, plan with your DH how the two of you will celebrate the holidays and create the traditions and memories you want moving forward. Wishing you peace this holiday season.

OP, I am glad you had a good Thanksgiving and I hope you can have a peaceful Christmas, too. I hope your in laws are compassionate and either don’t ask or are understanding.

I have a similar family situation and I know it’s not easy.

Good for you!

I’m proud of you, OP. The only think she can do to you is words, words you don’t even have to hear—and the rantings of a horrible woman have no power over you.

Just updating. She's still blocked on my phone. DH blocked her too.

This will be an interesting Christmas weekend. I expect his parents will ask. Inside I'm terrified of the repercussions of not acknowledging her for Christmas. I know I won't even see the venom filled text she sends or VM since she's blocked but the fear is real. It will certainly be a stand if I can keep it up. On the other hand younger me is very proud of myself