Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right. For children.

Right? I have a feeling this OP has never been the host in his/her magical family’s rotation. Or they’re the one bringing wine as their contribution.

OP here. Not true. I host every 3-4 years. We alternate years with DH's side, and then within each side of the family 3-4 people rotate the hosting.

I have hosted large celebrations a few times. They are fun, and normal to me, but a lot of work.

Here's my easy normal Thanksgiving:

6-7 people at our table. Five of those people are my three kids (17-21 yrs), husband and myself.

My husband makes the Turkey, I and one annual guest make sides. It's calm, but fun. We play board games in the evening.

This year everyone is making a small dip for appetizers. Yes, six different dips, and I cannot wait.

Anonymous wrote:Right. For children.

Right? I have a feeling this OP has never been the host in his/her magical family’s rotation. Or they’re the one bringing wine as their contribution.

It's also okay to say no. There's nothing else required after the no.

We said no last year due to several covid-lax family members attending (and yes, nearly everyone who went got sick).

We said no again this year because we wanted to. Last year's thanksgiving was the best in years and it was because it was so lowkey without stress.

The wife and I cooked up most of the sides the day before. Our oldest DD made a recipe she'd seen on Instagram or TikTok and then baked a pie with her younger sister. We cooked the turkey the day of.

We ate at 2, exactly when we said we would, and spent the day playing games, watching football, and decorating a bit for Christmas while the college kids were home.

Right. For children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, just like easy normal families exist. But there are plenty of not-easy, not-normal families and Thanksgiving can be hard to manage in those.

I wouldn't continue to spend holidays with people who made me miserable after I made repeated, reasonable attempts to accomodate them. At some point, doing the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity.

People can be annoyed at stuff and still love their families and want to spend time with them. If you’re going to cut off contact with your family because Thanksgiving is a little tense, that’s on you.

I didn't say "a little tense." Of course there are minor annoyances in any extended family. That is expected and completely fine. But if I were as totally and completely miserable as half the women on DCUM claim to be, I would definitely not continue those situations if nothing could be improved about them.

It is stress inducing not because of the food but the expectations from family members/guests, especially when there are family dynamics at play. And even if I am hoaxing and "only" doing the turkey, my house needs to be cleaned and I need to make sure my company are enjoying themselves. I am not the type of hostess to just let everything go and have people come to a messy/unclean house and not act like a hostess by making sure people are enjoying themselves. My Thanksgiving IS low key. We do a great rather than a whole bird, and it is only my step mom and my sister who are going, but I still had to get my house ready, do grocery shopping, etc., etc. And I work so fitting it all in is a lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, just like easy normal families exist. But there are plenty of not-easy, not-normal families and Thanksgiving can be hard to manage in those.

I wouldn't continue to spend holidays with people who made me miserable after I made repeated, reasonable attempts to accomodate them. At some point, doing the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity.

People can be annoyed at stuff and still love their families and want to spend time with them. If you’re going to cut off contact with your family because Thanksgiving is a little tense, that’s on you.

Anonymous wrote:Sure, just like easy normal families exist. But there are plenty of not-easy, not-normal families and Thanksgiving can be hard to manage in those.

I wouldn't continue to spend holidays with people who made me miserable after I made repeated, reasonable attempts to accomodate them. At some point, doing the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity.

Sure, just like easy normal families exist. But there are plenty of not-easy, not-normal families and Thanksgiving can be hard to manage in those.

Gosh, OP, thank you for this post. Those of us with stressful Thanksgivings - which can occur for myriad reasons - had *no* idea it could be easy! If only we had your time machine to choose who our parents were, travel forward and predict how our spouse's health would be, or how their in-laws would adapt to various life stressors, and on and on and on, we could all be as happy as you.

tl;dr - don't be judgmental

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One relative hosts, provides the turkey, apps and some drinks. Others bring a side and a dessert. No one is mad or stressed. The host rotates year to year. This is how it is for both sides of our family. It’s not hard or anger-inducing. Men and women both help. What’s the issue?

Of course. This is the default and the norm and anyone who doesn’t experience it is weird and dysfunctional.

If you believe DCUM, its some sort of holiday utopia that doesn't exist.

When would one ever believe DCUM? Not to mention that whiners are more likely to complain. Contented people don’t usually shout it on the interwebs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One relative hosts, provides the turkey, apps and some drinks. Others bring a side and a dessert. No one is mad or stressed. The host rotates year to year. This is how it is for both sides of our family. It’s not hard or anger-inducing. Men and women both help. What’s the issue?

Of course. This is the default and the norm and anyone who doesn’t experience it is weird and dysfunctional.

If you believe DCUM, its some sort of holiday utopia that doesn't exist.

Sure, for those without social anxiety. As soon as I know guests are arriving, it doesn't matter what I serve them - I'll be anxious.

Anonymous wrote:One relative hosts, provides the turkey, apps and some drinks. Others bring a side and a dessert. No one is mad or stressed. The host rotates year to year. This is how it is for both sides of our family. It’s not hard or anger-inducing. Men and women both help. What’s the issue?

Of course. This is the default and the norm and anyone who doesn’t experience it is weird and dysfunctional.