Anonymous
11/23/2022 13:28
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She’s pressuring them to have a career. My mom was like that. She was horrified when I quit due to childcare issues when she would not help out for even an hour.
Do you resent her? Do you resent your decision to quit?
I resent not being emotionally supported by my parents to make the decision best for our family. There was no other option with them but to work and when child care and later special needs were an issue along with a low income (daycare was as much as my take home), it financially didn't make sense for me to work and they were hostile and nasty for years despite never giving us a dime or babysitting (still are). I don't resent her but I don't have much relationship with her for that and other reasons (we aren't a priority to her). I think women (and men) should have the choice to do what is best for their families even if it is different from their parents' choices. Being married opened up an entirely new world of what "support" meant as I have a husband who is extremely supportive and helped me to realize it should be my choice, not theirs. He would have supported my choice to go back and make it work or to stay home. If they would have helped with child care in an emergency, it might have been possible for me to work given they were retired with no responsibilities at the time (and they pressured us into having a child when we did vs. waiting). But, looking back their careers and now their partners were/are far more important to them than I ever was.
I don't resent her but because of her choices/how she treats me we have a very little relationship, which is unfortunate. I am happy with my choice and thankful to have a supportive husband and raise our kids differently than how I was raised. They are our priority and we guide them in making good choices and will support them in any way we can (including child care if we have grandkids and we are physically able).
You resent them because you and your husband wanted them to carry the burden of consequences of your decisions? Yes, most parents would entangle themselves into kid's problems but you cant expect or demand it.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 13:18
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:I guess she has books to sell and speaking engagements to book and its not like anyone can pressurize kids to do anything so it makes total sense.
There is probably a lot of pressure on those kids in other ways.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 13:17
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She’s pressuring them to have a career. My mom was like that. She was horrified when I quit due to childcare issues when she would not help out for even an hour.
Do you resent her? Do you resent your decision to quit?
I resent not being emotionally supported by my parents to make the decision best for our family. There was no other option with them but to work and when child care and later special needs were an issue along with a low income (daycare was as much as my take home), it financially didn't make sense for me to work and they were hostile and nasty for years despite never giving us a dime or babysitting (still are). I don't resent her but I don't have much relationship with her for that and other reasons (we aren't a priority to her). I think women (and men) should have the choice to do what is best for their families even if it is different from their parents' choices. Being married opened up an entirely new world of what "support" meant as I have a husband who is extremely supportive and helped me to realize it should be my choice, not theirs. He would have supported my choice to go back and make it work or to stay home. If they would have helped with child care in an emergency, it might have been possible for me to work given they were retired with no responsibilities at the time (and they pressured us into having a child when we did vs. waiting). But, looking back their careers and now their partners were/are far more important to them than I ever was.
I don't resent her but because of her choices/how she treats me we have a very little relationship, which is unfortunate. I am happy with my choice and thankful to have a supportive husband and raise our kids differently than how I was raised. They are our priority and we guide them in making good choices and will support them in any way we can (including child care if we have grandkids and we are physically able).
Anonymous
11/23/2022 13:14
Subject: Supportive Mother
I think if my kids don't want family life, then maybe we didn't do a good job modeling it.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:57
Subject: Supportive Mother
I guess she has books to sell and speaking engagements to book and its not like anyone can pressurize kids to do anything so it makes total sense.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:55
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:'They can be happy if they choose to only focus on their career': Michelle Obama says she doesn't want her daughters Malia, 24, and Sasha, 21, to feel pressure to get married or have kids before they 'know who they are'.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11454769/amp/Michelle-Obama-says-doesnt-want-daughters-feel-pressure-married-kids.html
Honestly, no woke mother would say otherwise in today's environment on microphone.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:53
Subject: Supportive Mother
MO married early and sacrificed her law license to support her husband's so possibly she wants her daughters to do it differently.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:50
Subject: Supportive Mother
I think it's absolutely possible to be as happy without marriage, kids or career as with them but not happier.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:45
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:'They can be happy if they choose to only focus on their career': Michelle Obama says she doesn't want her daughters Malia, 24, and Sasha, 21, to feel pressure to get married or have kids before they 'know who they are'.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11454769/amp/Michelle-Obama-says-doesnt-want-daughters-feel-pressure-married-kids.html
but will let them hang out with Harvey Wienstein.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:45
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I guess kids with immense wealth, fame and connections would be fine with or without career, spouses or kids. Us average beings can't relate to privileged parents.
Um, I'm 46 and don't have any wealth, fame or connections at all and am single without kids.
Um, I think you are missing PP's point but it's okay.
It's very possible - I have a lot of severe learning disabilities. Would you explain to me what you think their point was?
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:43
Subject: Supportive Mother
Most parents do try to influence kids's colleges, majors, tracks and careers.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:23
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I guess kids with immense wealth, fame and connections would be fine with or without career, spouses or kids. Us average beings can't relate to privileged parents.
Um, I'm 46 and don't have any wealth, fame or connections at all and am single without kids.
Um, I think you are missing PP's point but it's okay.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:23
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:Are we now telling them that marriage and family is unnecessary?
Yes both are unnecessary until they are mature enough to make the best choices for themselves. No pressure to be married by 25 or by 30. Everybody run their own race.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:22
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:I guess kids with immense wealth, fame and connections would be fine with or without career, spouses or kids. Us average beings can't relate to privileged parents.
Um, I'm 46 and don't have any wealth, fame or connections at all and am single without kids.
Anonymous
11/23/2022 12:20
Subject: Supportive Mother
Anonymous wrote:She’s pressuring them to have a career. My mom was like that. She was horrified when I quit due to child care issues when she would not help out for even an hour.
Do you resent her? Do you resent your decision to quit?