Anonymous wrote:One benefit to most individual sports is you can play them recreationally all your life with little or no need to find teammates and opponents. Golf, swim, running. Tennis you need someone to hit with but just one person and there are free tennis courts everywhere. You can't easily play baseball, football, lacrosse or soccer without organizing teammates and opponents.

+1

Was going to say this. I was an individual sport person and still play all my sports.

Your son is telling you who he is and what he likes. Good for him for knowing who he is and not doing an activity just to please his dad. Your DH needs to back off and work on supporting his sons equally in what they choose in life.

I played a variety of sports in HS and one in college. Team ball/puck sports are not inherently better than team sports like XC or swim or even real individual sports like fencing or figure skating. Just different.

Anonymous wrote:Team sports frustrated my son. He would play his best but they would still lose. He has fenced for 5 years now and loves it. He has more control than in a team sport. That’s what he says.

It’s good for kids who play team sports to play at a variety of levels. When my son was “the guy” on his freshman basketball team, he would play 2 on 2 with two seniors who were committed to power-5 conference college teams and one ex-pro. His trainer also asked him to play a couple of games as a ringer with an AAU team that had barely won a game, and around the same time, as a 15 year old, he played some games with a 17u showcase team where he was the last guy on the bench and only played if they were up 20+. It made him both more humble and also less stressed when he was playing with kids who were better than him.

Team sports frustrated my son. He would play his best but they would still lose. He has fenced for 5 years now and loves it. He has more control than in a team sport. That’s what he says.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always hide in team sports

I don't think that's true! Especially not in baseball.

Regarding the individual costing the entire team the game -- I never said other teammates would blame the player. Quite the opposite occurs where the teammates feel empathy for the sole teammate that made the losing play, knowing it will be their burden at some point in the future and has probably happened in the past too.

Yes, it is a TEAM loss technically. But if the second basement let's a ground ball go through his legs with 2 outs in the 9th and the opposing team scores two runs to win, the 2B and everyone else will feel like that play lost the game.

Bill Buckner?

Anonymous wrote:You can always hide in team sports

I don't think that's true! Especially not in baseball.

Regarding the individual costing the entire team the game -- I never said other teammates would blame the player. Quite the opposite occurs where the teammates feel empathy for the sole teammate that made the losing play, knowing it will be their burden at some point in the future and has probably happened in the past too.

Yes, it is a TEAM loss technically. But if the second basement let's a ground ball go through his legs with 2 outs in the 9th and the opposing team scores two runs to win, the 2B and everyone else will feel like that play lost the game.

You can always hide in team sports

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With team sports, messing-up can cost your whole team the victory. Especially baseball for example. It adds a different layer of pressure, inevitable failure, and acceptance by the player and the teammates.

Just a bit different than individual sports.

But if your kid is a HS freshman, he should get to pick for sure.

This attitude is exactly what I was referring to. I also don't think it's true; at the highest levels, players don't blame each other like this. They've played enough to have made mistakes and also to know they can happen to anyone, at any time. It's also unproductive. Ultimately, if a team wants to win, they usually collectively need to play well enough to buffer those individual mistakes that happen.

-13:08/19:03 PP

There are positions where players stand alone. A goalie in penalties, a field goal kicker, anyone shooting after a technical. They may not get blame from their team, but most will blame themselves. Learning how to cope with that pressure is part of team sports

Right - my point was that if it comes down to a single goal or single run or field goal, the *team* wasn’t doing their job for it to be so close.

Moreover, learning how to cope with that pressure is only true for a few positions in team sports, if you buy into that line of thinking. I get that some people are drawn to positions and good for them. The larger point is that most people overestimate the benefits of “team” sports, as does the OP’s husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With team sports, messing-up can cost your whole team the victory. Especially baseball for example. It adds a different layer of pressure, inevitable failure, and acceptance by the player and the teammates.

Just a bit different than individual sports.

But if your kid is a HS freshman, he should get to pick for sure.

This attitude is exactly what I was referring to. I also don't think it's true; at the highest levels, players don't blame each other like this. They've played enough to have made mistakes and also to know they can happen to anyone, at any time. It's also unproductive. Ultimately, if a team wants to win, they usually collectively need to play well enough to buffer those individual mistakes that happen.

-13:08/19:03 PP

There are positions where players stand alone. A goalie in penalties, a field goal kicker, anyone shooting after a technical. They may not get blame from their team, but most will blame themselves. Learning how to cope with that pressure is part of team sports

Anonymous wrote:With team sports, messing-up can cost your whole team the victory. Especially baseball for example. It adds a different layer of pressure, inevitable failure, and acceptance by the player and the teammates.

Just a bit different than individual sports.

But if your kid is a HS freshman, he should get to pick for sure.

This attitude is exactly what I was referring to. I also don't think it's true; at the highest levels, players don't blame each other like this. They've played enough to have made mistakes and also to know they can happen to anyone, at any time. It's also unproductive. Ultimately, if a team wants to win, they usually collectively need to play well enough to buffer those individual mistakes that happen.

-13:08/19:03 PP

Cross country and track are team sports. They have more individual competitions, but you definitely get a team score at each meet, run together, and sometimes have relays.

Anonymous wrote:How tall is your son? How tall are you and his dad?

His Dad is almost 6'5", and kid is on track to be similar in size.

I think he probably could be a very good basketball player. That doesn't change the fact that he only wants to play at school, and prefers other sports. I don't see an advantage to playing one over the other, so to me it makes sense to let him choose.

How tall is your son? How tall are you and his dad?