Sorry OP, I get it. My DH's family has apparently decided that we are now responsible for hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. I am pregnant with a toddler this year. Things always go the way yours did and it's especially irritating when you're also trying to parent young children.
At least when my family can attend they help watch the toddler and don't ask me to get them a million things.

It's rude that not a one of them offered to help out. I'm sorry op, I would have a hard time hosting this group again.

Use your words.

“Hey Dad, we’d love for you and Barbara to join us for Thanksgiving. Could you bring a pumpkin pie and a pecan pie? Store-bought is fine.”

“Hey brother, we’d love to have you and Cheryl come over for Thanksgiving. Can you bring a fruit salad? Store-bought is fine.”

“Hey brother #2, we’d love to have you and Susie for Thanksgiving. Other people are bringing food—can I could on you to help with some clean-up?”

“Feel free to get the garlic salt—it’s in the cupboard above the sink.”

You lost me entirely when you said you “had to get up.” No, you didn’t. People are free to get their own water.

Did they treat you like a doormat? Yeah. Because you laid down and acted like one.

Use your words. Like a grown-up.

Were you hosting a potluck?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you volunteered to host. Isn’t that what a host does? You didn’t send anything out to request people bring stuff.

Well, what does a guest do? I thought they were expected to at least offer.

Agreed. She was the hostess, not a servant. H's family should have absolutely been less demanding the day of and allowed the person who cooked for them to also enjoy the meal. And that is the minimum.
I think it's poor form not to offer to bring something but it's not outrageous.

OP, you have to decide what you are going to do with this lesson you've learned: do not host again, host again with delegations (and reserve the right to opt not to host a third time if delegating does not help), or allow this to be how holidays go for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is the most sexist day on the planet. I hate it.

Speak for yourself. My brother-in-law made our entire extended family TG dinner for over a decade while my sister sat on her a$$ and did nothing. Not every family is like yours.

I think I might be your sister. My DH makes Thanksgiving dinner from start to finish. Guess who does all the cleaning, shopping? So yeah, I will "sit on my A$$".

Look, I also hosted a thanksgiving yesterday. I told everyone involved to only bring something if they really wanted to, and otherwise to please not feel obligated. I don't want me hosting an event to turn into stress for other people. I was super stressed cooking all day - but that was on me for offering to host. And this was on you.

Anonymous wrote:Is it usually a potluck for that side of the family? If your brother is usually in charge of mashed potatoes and your aunt usually brings pie but they didn't, I would be confused and bothered (and also serving a very sparse spread because no one brought potatoes or pie).

But if your family works like "whoever hosts does it all" then I don't understand why you volunteered to host when you have the most responsibilities of everyone attending. And there's no reason you can't hang out after and make your husband or brothers clean up.

+1 the guests aren't mind readers. They probably assumed you wanted/liked to or ordered from somewhere. Most people with manners will ask, but they would have asked ahead of time and since they had not, you can't be surprised.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you volunteered to host. Isn’t that what a host does? You didn’t send anything out to request people bring stuff.

Well, what does a guest do? I thought they were expected to at least offer.

For a dinner party, bring wine or flowers or another small gift, and definitely offer to help clear the plates and load the dishwasher etc.

But to bring something like food? No, not if it’s not clearly labeled a potluck.

Anonymous wrote:If you host, you are either expected to cook or to assign dishes for others to bring OP. You didn't assign any dishes or responsibilities to anyone else OP.

If there is a next time, assign everyone a dish, or a responsibility if they don't or can't cook.

+1

It would have been nice of them to offer. But you know for next time that you need to assign. And stop getting up every time somebody needs something from you at the table. It took me a couple of years to recognize that I was doing this and to stop. People can get their own salt, pepper, water or cinnamon. You have to say “I will get it after I eat”.

Or don’t host again.

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is the most sexist day on the planet. I hate it.

Speak for yourself. My brother-in-law made our entire extended family TG dinner for over a decade while my sister sat on her a$$ and did nothing. Not every family is like yours.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't host again. Sorry.

This.

Also, during the meal, when guests repeatedly ask for items from the kitchen, I'd put up a hand and say, Please let me get a bite of my food first. I mean, they're all inconsiderate tools, so why be nice and mince words?

If you host, you are either expected to cook or to assign dishes for others to bring OP. You didn't assign any dishes or responsibilities to anyone else OP.

If there is a next time, assign everyone a dish, or a responsibility if they don't or can't cook.

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine going to someone's home for Thanksgiving and not asking what I can bring so that part is pretty surprising. Now you know. Next time - Signup Genius with the things you want people to bring.

This….and be sure to state “Here is what I’m providing.” That way, it’s manifestly clear that if others don’t bring it, there will only be a turkey and maybe one side to eat.

Yesterday wasn’t Thanksgiving. That alone is weird.

In any event, if you wanted people to bring stuff you should have said so. That’s on you.

We’re on a family text as we speak finalizing who is bringing what. That’s how sane people plan Thanksgiving. They don’t not say anything to anybody in advance and then complain about it later.