I had a great Mother

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband and we have a good relationship. I don't come here to brag about that because i have empathy for those in bad marriages. I miss my dad and he was kind and generous. I vent about my mother who is abusive. If it upsets you, then avoid those posts. I can love my father and husband and understand not everybody has or had that love in their lives.

I think posters should be able to share warm, positive feelings about family members without those posts being considered bragging. Why just share vents?

I just posted, but finally figured out where I was going. I don't get hot and bothered seeing people complain about husbands and fathers because I understand how fortunate I am. There should be no reason for it to get under your skin to accept some people have abusive or just mean moms. Is this personal for you OP? Did your own child accuse you of anything? Because if not, what does it upset you? None of us chose to have have abusive moms. I chose my husband because he was the antithesis of my mom and our relationship with nothing like that of my parents. I didn't chose to have a wonderful dad. i just got really lucky and I hope everyone who suffers gets some of that.

I love my husband and we have a good relationship. I don't come here to brag about that because i have empathy for those in bad marriages. I miss my dad and he was kind and generous. I vent about my mother who is abusive. If it upsets you, then avoid those posts. I can love my father and husband and understand not everybody has or had that love in their lives.

Love my mom (and dad). They used to live a 4 hour drive away (but it was me who left the area I grew up), and when the kids were 7 and 9, they moved here. Kids are now in college, but all of us (including my spouse) have a good relationship with them.

When the kids needed to be driven in 2 different directions at the same time and spouse would travel, they would help with chauffer duties. They attended soccer games, basketball games and plays.

They come over for dinner, we go over for dinner, sometimes we go out to dinner together. We go to concerts and theater together. When the kids come home from college, even for brief trips they also want to see grandma and grandpa.

An excellent relationship 🙂

Eh, I came in third in my mom's affections. Didn't realize it as a kid so I tried hard to earn acceptance. Realizing the truth after I had kids, set me free.

I don't hate her, but the outsized importance she had before has shrunken down to maybe a little less than what a parent who behaved normally would have gotten.

But, I don't think any of you who claim you have a great relationship with their moms could have outdone all I did for her and all the esteem I had for her when I was younger. I guess you could say, I gave her a lump sum of love in the early part of my life.

I miss my Mom every day. I feel blessed to have had her in my life through my own adulthood. She was a warm, loving mother, with a delightful sense of humor, wonderful ideals and accomplishments, and a truly inspiring role model in many ways. I also grew up in a dysfunctional family — soooooo maybe this thread is not for me.

Anonymous wrote:Is this a thread meant to bash those of us who have posted about less than ideal mothers?

And thanks for calling us bitter. We just need a place to vent. I am actually a quite nice and balanced person... with a mother who is pretty difficult and can say hateful things to her daughter (me).

But yeah, thanks for the judgement.

No, and it borders on crazy that you think this post is meant to bash people who were damaged by their childhood.

Sorry, but you have no more right to post here than does someone who had wonderful parents.

Some people have kids who are angels/straight A students and some have kids who party and are failing out of school. They are all allowed to post on DCUM, and it is not healthy that you think happy people are out to "bash you." Please seek therapy.

Is this a thread meant to bash those of us who have posted about less than ideal mothers?

And thanks for calling us bitter. We just need a place to vent. I am actually a quite nice and balanced person... with a mother who is pretty difficult and can say hateful things to her daughter (me).

But yeah, thanks for the judgement.

Yes, I miss my mother very much. She was imperfect, as I am, and until the end of her life we weren’t close in the way many moms and daughters are, but I think of her everyday.

I truly cannot relate to people saying that they will feel devasted when their mom dies or, years later, this miss her every day.

I don't wish for my mom to die but I think I will be relieved because it means that I can no longer nourish hope in my heart that we can have the relationship I always wished we had. I feel ashamed and guilty for feeling this way... but I also want to be free of the pain that our relationship gives me.

And how can you "compete" over parents? It is something you do not achieve, it is something you are born with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course there are people who love their mothers on here, OP. But people tend to talk about their problems, and one problem they might have is a mother who was not loving or kind.

I will gently suggest you frame this as "I miss my mother since she died, can anyone relate?" Instead of making this some kind of challenge to people who were not fortunate enough to have a loving mother. Many people are grieving for parents they have lost, you will find. But it's not some kind of competition between that group and people who are grieving for the fact that they never had a loving parent to begin with.

Exactly. I'm always baffled by the people who don't understand that their life experience isn't shared by everyone and spend their time criticizing or [b]trying to school others who have had a different experience. [/b]It's very odd.

which is exactly what the poster above you did

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course there are people who love their mothers on here, OP. But people tend to talk about their problems, and one problem they might have is a mother who was not loving or kind.

I will gently suggest you frame this as "I miss my mother since she died, can anyone relate?" Instead of making this some kind of challenge to people who were not fortunate enough to have a loving mother. Many people are grieving for parents they have lost, you will find. But it's not some kind of competition between that group and people who are grieving for the fact that they never had a loving parent to begin with.

I don't see anything competitive in OP's original post. She said she is not speaking to those who had horrible mothers.

She is simply saying, are there others out there who did not.

This site really reveals the damage that some people are walking around with everyday, the way they interpret innocent queries....

+1 Yes. People get criticized for loving, warm posts about their parents and in-laws. Consequently, a bunch of negative threads continue. No balance.

Anonymous wrote:Of course there are people who love their mothers on here, OP. But people tend to talk about their problems, and one problem they might have is a mother who was not loving or kind.

I will gently suggest you frame this as "I miss my mother since she died, can anyone relate?" Instead of making this some kind of challenge to people who were not fortunate enough to have a loving mother. Many people are grieving for parents they have lost, you will find. But it's not some kind of competition between that group and people who are grieving for the fact that they never had a loving parent to begin with.

I don't see anything competitive in OP's original post. She said she is not speaking to those who had horrible mothers.

She is simply saying, are there others out there who did not.

This site really reveals the damage that some people are walking around with everyday, the way they interpret innocent queries....