Anonymous
11/14/2022 23:05
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a WM, but I think as long as you both get a "fun" money allowance, there will be very little resentment. Just don't do anything ridiculous like 500/month. Just my highlights are 400. I think around 800 - for hair, nails, waxing, gym etc. is fine, 1200 if she gets botox too. I can't comment on the massages or meal plans - we don't do those - but budget for weekly cleaning.
Haha.
This is excessive.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 23:04
Subject: Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Great. So make a plan for 6 months and live off the income you would have if she quit or went part time. And then see what the budget is for the lifestyle you want.
OP here. Second baby will be tried for soon.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 23:03
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:I'm a WM, but I think as long as you both get a "fun" money allowance, there will be very little resentment. Just don't do anything ridiculous like 500/month. Just my highlights are 400. I think around 800 - for hair, nails, waxing, gym etc. is fine, 1200 if she gets botox too. I can't comment on the massages or meal plans - we don't do those - but budget for weekly cleaning.
Haha.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:54
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?
What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income
OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.
The math isn’t mathing. Why would a PT nanny cost $50k?
What would the hourly rate be and the total bi-weekly hours worked?
I had a full-time nanny that we paid, on the books, and she was not $100k per year so I’m curious to know the answer to this.
$50-70k could get you a FT nanny.
OP here. I’m probably over estimating the cost of a PT nanny.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:52
Subject: Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:How much do you make, op? That would change my answer.
OP here. I make a little under $200k a year. $180k + bonus.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:51
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?
What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income
OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.
The math isn’t mathing. Why would a PT nanny cost $50k?
What would the hourly rate be and the total bi-weekly hours worked?
OP here. I’m not sure about the exact cost but we would need around 25 hours a week. The nannies we talked to quoted rates of $20-30 per hour. That plus sick days, vacation, taxes, etc., will probably be at least $40k a year. We will probably have to pay an even higher rate to retain a PT nanny.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:50
Subject: Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Honestly, no matter your childcare choice, it’s very common to drop savings/retirement contributions those first couple years to try to cover childcare costs (daycare, nanny, or mom’s lost income). It’s temporary. Don’t make yourself crazy about it. We spent $3k/mo on daycare the first year with one of our kids (downtown daycare costs, ugh), and we did drop savings goals, picked them back up, and all is well now.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:48
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
I'm a WM, but I think as long as you both get a "fun" money allowance, there will be very little resentment. Just don't do anything ridiculous like 500/month. Just my highlights are 400. I think around 800 - for hair, nails, waxing, gym etc. is fine, 1200 if she gets botox too. I can't comment on the massages or meal plans - we don't do those - but budget for weekly cleaning.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:46
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?
What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income
OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.
I think you guys should compromise on part time, personally, if that’s what she wanted on some level anyway.
She’s not just making what she is making minus the nanny. She’s paying into social security and 401k and more importantly keeping a foot in the labor force.
That’s the real bonus. That she will continue to be employable.
I didn’t love the way you out down her gym, massage and food services. Exercise and massages can be really important self care. And meal services are ways to keep a household running smoothly. I’d tread carefully.
Do you cook? Why is the food service her expense?
OP here. She said she would be more happy staying home while the kids are young. We are a little older and plan to have a second child fairly soon.
The issue with PT is we do not want to do daycare and a we will be very limited on options with a nanny.
I agree that she needs to do things for herself but many of the services are expensive and unneeded. We can reduce and cut some.
We have multiple foods services but most of them are for her. We both cook.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:44
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:As a former SAHM, I'd say she should try to keep her foot in the door somehow. I don't disagree that a nanny may not be a great investment. In 3 years you will have nursery school which gives your wife some time to work (not much). In 4 years preschool will give a more solid chunk of time for PT work. In 5 years, full day K and afterschool 1-2 days/week will help. In 10 years when the child is ready for middle school, your wife will probably be able to go back to FT work. It's a mommy track but we all have our different priorities.
I could never do a nanny because I'd be such a micromanager. I also recognize that that my mommy tracking in the above fashion helped us avoid private school tuition because my kids tested into NYC's specialized high schools. That couldn't have happened if I had outsourced the childcare.
So all your kids classmates in HS had either a sahm or private school?
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:41
Subject: Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
She might change her mind around 18-24 months unless you have a second. The hormones are less strong, the breastfeeding is done, and there’s lots of messy grunt work. I would recommend she find a way to keep her foot in the door, whatever that looks like ie part time, consulting, etc. also, def support her getting a nanny if she’s more comfortable with that than group care, it seems expensive but is likely cheaper than her leaving the workforce for an extended time and it’s a short few years.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:41
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
As a former SAHM, I'd say she should try to keep her foot in the door somehow. I don't disagree that a nanny may not be a great investment. In 3 years you will have nursery school which gives your wife some time to work (not much). In 4 years preschool will give a more solid chunk of time for PT work. In 5 years, full day K and afterschool 1-2 days/week will help. In 10 years when the child is ready for middle school, your wife will probably be able to go back to FT work. It's a mommy track but we all have our different priorities.
I could never do a nanny because I'd be such a micromanager. I also recognize that that my mommy tracking in the above fashion helped us avoid private school tuition because my kids tested into NYC's specialized high schools. That couldn't have happened if I had outsourced the childcare.
I could never do a nanny because I'd be such a micromanager. I also recognize that that my mommy tracking in the above fashion helped us avoid private school tuition because my kids tested into NYC's specialized high schools. That couldn't have happened if I had outsourced the childcare.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:38
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?
What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income
OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.
I think you guys should compromise on part time, personally, if that’s what she wanted on some level anyway.
She’s not just making what she is making minus the nanny. She’s paying into social security and 401k and more importantly keeping a foot in the labor force.
That’s the real bonus. That she will continue to be employable.
I didn’t love the way you out down her gym, massage and food services. Exercise and massages can be really important self care. And meal services are ways to keep a household running smoothly. I’d tread carefully.
Do you cook? Why is the food service her expense?
OP, DCUM is ride or die for SAH. You will not get reasonable advice. MASSAGE? MEAL SERVICE? If money is a concern those are ridiculous.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:32
Subject: Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
I’ma SAHM. My husband and I both have the same “allowance “, but we call it a budget. We each have $300 a month that we can spend on anything—no questions asked. It doesn’t feel icky if you’re both doing it.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 22:30
Subject: Re:Wife Wants To Be A SAHM
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How much does she earn at her current job?
What are your childcare plans and costs if she goes back to work? Childcare is so expensive that in some cases the extra stress you get from work and having to balance home and work life is just not worth the extra bit of income
OP here. She earns a little over $100k. One of the main reasons for her quitting is it will be hard to find childcare given that she would prefer to go back PT. Her original plan was to go back PT 3 days a week, but we many nannies we looked at all wanted FT. We would need to do it the legal way and I assumed with rates of a nanny in the area and taxes, we would be spending about $40-50k on a PT nanny.
The math isn’t mathing. Why would a PT nanny cost $50k?
What would the hourly rate be and the total bi-weekly hours worked?
I had a full-time nanny that we paid, on the books, and she was not $100k per year so I’m curious to know the answer to this.
$50-70k could get you a FT nanny.