It's called choosing your battles.

Ugh. I've been getting shitty with my 6 year old. It's horrible.

Complained that other kids get to do XYZ: "fine, go live with their parents if it's so great"

Complained she had so clean her stuff up while my work stuff was still out: I slammed my hand down on the table, rolled my eyes, and cleaned it up in a huff.

One morning I was fed up with her and H not helping out while I was trying to get everyone ready: I screamed and cussed them both out. "NO ONE EVER F***ING LISTENS TO ME".

The really sad thing is I know my frustrations mostly stem from H. I really can handle DD's complaining and tantrums. But when I'm irritated because I'm running around doing everything while H plays on his phone, I get this intense anger that boils over and unfortunately my kid gets the brunt of it. I hate it. HATE it.

Like that's what happened last night: I was running DD to practice all evening, came home and started cleaning up, was the only one coaching DD to put her practice things away and take a shower so she's mad and screaming at me, trying to start dinner, unpacking the baby and dealing with her, etc. H just sits around on his phone, and it's like...you couldn't have started dinner? Straightened up? Taken the baby from me? So when DD went off that it's not fair she has to clean up when my work things are still out, I kinda lost it.

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids. I "parented" the third one way less. She seems to be the most well-adjusted and easiest kid, which I especially see now that they are all older. So I think because I was more hands off with her, she turned out better. That's my conclusion.

I only have one, but as he gets older I’m noticing that letting him learn from his mistakes and choices is way more effective than my trying to control everything.

I have three kids. I "parented" the third one way less. She seems to be the most well-adjusted and easiest kid, which I especially see now that they are all older. So I think because I was more hands off with her, she turned out better. That's my conclusion.

Anonymous wrote:There's way too much yelling in our house, us at our kids, our kids at us. There's anxiety and depression and reactivity and it's not good. Lots of parenting fails. OP, your concerns seem big but in a few years, you won't even remember them.

Me too.

I would flip this on it’s head PP and ask the opposite - with so much advice and so many things to try and remember as a parent, what are the top 3 or 4 things to prioritize as a parent?

Anonymous wrote:You’ve got the right attitude OP! It’s hard. Really hard. The urge to compare your parenting to the Joneses who seem to always be put together with perfectly behaved children that only eat organic kale is strong. But everyone has bad days and fails. Stay away from those who offer unsolicited advice. Ask yourself what you intuitively think is right before googling advice. Your gut is the best guidepost.

As for fails, my kids had too much screen time in the toddler/preschool years. Like, waaay over the recommended amount. I just couldn’t deal with them on so many occasions… it was my escape valve. Now that they’re elementary school age I’ve got it together. We have a whole strict screen time system in place, it’s limited, and they’re fine. Thriving academically and socially. I guess dumb singsongy YouTube videos didn’t fry their brains after all.

So needed to hear this about the screen time! Let me now preschooler have waaay too much screen time and am now backing it off a lot.

We broke all the rules. Kids were in bed at 10pm. (napped late but still). my nephew still only eats chicken nuggets at 10. Everyone is fine and healthy and beautiful. Relax and enjoy. It goes way too fast and you are messing up nothing!

I used the rock n play as a bassinet for both my babies. Even after the murmurs about suffocation came out. It worked out for us!

Anonymous wrote:Almost none of that stuff matters. Stop reading parenting blogs or books or whatever that give that kind of advice. People have been raising healthy kids for thousands of years in a wide variety of ways; there can't be just one right way or the human race would be defunct already.

Unfortunately we live in a world where people find it cool to be damaged.

I put our eldest child in a very expensive, extremely nice private preschool. I agonized over the quality of the school, the academic choices, the pedagogy, etc.

Then I had two more kids who attended an old-school, cookie-Cutter, bright play-and-learn preschool. The outcomes were exactly the same with $1000 difference in price tag.

The prestige of preschool really, really doesn’t make a difference to 4 year olds.

My child's podiatrist said I should have put him in leg braces when he was very young, but now he's too old for braces and will have to have surgery to correct his condition. I fdid some research and got a few other opinions, and DS was able to get better with physical therapy

I somehow ... didn't know anything about flossing. My parents didn't floss, and I didn't floss. When I took DD to the dentist he literally taught her HOW to floss and how the floss had to get into each side of the gum that goes between each tooth. He told me to get her kid flossers. I got them for myself too bc I am not coordinated enough for grownup floss. We're both excellent flossers.

Also, I grew up being heavily shamed when I got lice a few times. But at DD's elementary school any time there was a lice outbreak, we all just put our kids' hair up/back into ponytails or braids or buns and one mom got some oil or ointment or something from Whole Foods that you put around the hairline that prevents lice. I am SO GLAD to have learned this bc otherwise if my DD had gotten lice I probably would have shamed her like my parents did to me. I genuinely thought you get lice from not washing your hair enough and from being a dirty person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let all my kids use a pacifier until age 3. Only my youngest ended up with teeth in the shape of a pacifier. (He was going to need braces anyway after inheriting his father's mouth.)

Ha! Ty. My kid is almost 4 and still uses one at night. My friends can tease me all they want but my kid sleeps! They have all had various levels of sleep issues when they took there's away from the kid.
Teeth are great. Although most kids these days will have braces regardless. They ain't going to high school with it, I'm done worrying.

I am really strict by modern standards (no cosleeping, sleep-trained at first opportunity, you must eat what you're served, etc.) but I had a paci til 4 and see no major issue with that. My kid dropped it earlier but I was not in a hurry

Almost none of that stuff matters. Stop reading parenting blogs or books or whatever that give that kind of advice. People have been raising healthy kids for thousands of years in a wide variety of ways; there can't be just one right way or the human race would be defunct already.