Anonymous wrote:Hi

I come from a family that didn’t go to university so I need advice from people who have been to college please .

The university that I’m accepted to has so many different activities and clubs and I checked their online presence and their is just so much of the students hanging out all the time and socializing. So. Much. Socializing. They have podcasts and blogs and people are active there and it’s giving me anxiety. I guess all universities are like this?
But my question is, can’t you be a student who just goes to class and goes back to your dorm? Maybe it’s a stupid question but I spent hours looking at their social media and everyone just seems so connected. It’s too much for me. I don’t want that. I just want to learn, get my degree, talk to students when I have to but that’s it.
Like I want it to be like a job.

Is that weird? Can I do that? Im really anxious. Btw I’m not some grinch or rude to people at all. Im just a really big introvert.

Thank you

Not weird OP.

There are plenty of students that do just that.

Ignore social media and you do you.

There are some activities on campus that people do to pad their resumes for job seeking when graduating. If you want to do them that is up to you.

College is your choice what you do up to you.

Good luck.

You don't have to do anything outside of academics at college, but YOU will be missing out.


After college, finding and getting a job (especially as you move up in your career) having a strong network can be soooo helpful.

And, as others have mentioned. Don't just study in your room. Meeting people in your class and developing informal or formal study groups can be very helpful in a tough class.

Also, just for your own mental well-being developing a group of friends and support network can be invaluable.

Find a couple of activities that you are truly interested in - a group, a job, a club sport, etc. and try them out. If you don't like the groups you try, you can move on to other things.

Of course. If you take this route though try to get in good with some professors and get involved with extra projects they might be doing. If you’re going to be a bookworm, do it well. Those professors will be the ones writing your graduate school or first job recommendations. The better you get to know them the more personalized those recommendations will be. This makes a difference for your next phase of life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend too much time in your dorm room, your roommate may complain. Consider getting an on-campus job or finding a place to study each day other than your room.

Screw that. You're paying for that room, you can use it as much as you want.

If your roommate is also studying, there should not be a problem.

If your roommate is not studying, he can get lost while you study.

DP: Sure, but this is a common complaint that causes unnecessary tension between roommates. Finding a library or coffee shop spot to study each day is not hard and also is good for mental health so you're not spending too much time in one institutional feeling dorm room. Working out a schedule so each roommate gets some time alone in the room is a very common practice.

Anonymous wrote:Hi

I come from a family that didn’t go to university so I need advice from people who have been to college please .

The university that I’m accepted to has so many different activities and clubs and I checked their online presence and their is just so much of the students hanging out all the time and socializing. So. Much. Socializing. They have podcasts and blogs and people are active there and it’s giving me anxiety. I guess all universities are like this?
But my question is, can’t you be a student who just goes to class and goes back to your dorm? Maybe it’s a stupid question but I spent hours looking at their social media and everyone just seems so connected. It’s too much for me. I don’t want that. I just want to learn, get my degree, talk to students when I have to but that’s it.
Like I want it to be like a job.

Is that weird? Can I do that? Im really anxious. Btw I’m not some grinch or rude to people at all. Im just a really big introvert.

Thank you

You can do whatever you want. But do consider what you are studying and how much networking/extroversion matters in your field. For instance, if you are going to college to study sales, your potential employers will expect you to be an outgoing person, be part of sales/marketing clubs on campus, leadership roles, etc. If you are going for CS, they expect you to be a strong coder.. That's it.

The people on social media represent a fraction of a percent of the college population. Some are really smart kids, do their school work on time, are part of a ton of clubs AND have the time to post content on social media. Others just ignore academics and focus just on the networking, clubs, social media. They come in all colors, just like the introverts.

I will add here. I think you can do it however you want, and that is the great thing about college! Create it however you want and find things that make you happy.

That being said- since you said your family had not gone to college. A big part of college is networking/connecting with others. You will likely use that network throughout your career (Im 25+ years out and my college network and alumni network is still part of my career). It doesn't have to be a big part of things, but it should be part of your experience

If you aren't super social, find a club that is related to your schoolwork or area of study. That will help you network in a way you are more comfortable in vs. socializing for socializing sake (ie. fraternities etc). Good luck to you- and have FUN while you study - its a special time!

Congratulations. You make it what you want. You can definitely go to class and go back to your dorm. If you don’t want to socialize, why not go to community college and live at home though? It would save a ton of money. Then, after two years transfer in state and live in your own apartment off campus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't ever believe everything you see on social media.
Make friends. You are not the only introvert on campus.
College is as much about networking as it is about academics.
You should try to join one club, sport, or social activity.
Make time to go to office hours and talk to your professors.
And yes, you can treat college classes like a job, but you want to take full advantage of what college can offer.
Good luck!
-Professor and Mom

This!

Remember that people's image on social media is not really reflective of the reality.

Like with those clubs - I'm sure lots of members aren't posting their participation all over social media. Please don't let a few posts by people dissuade you from checking out clubs and groups. It's okay to just feel things out and explore.

You can just go to class. But when you graduate, it's often not what you know but WHO you know that gets you decent jobs. Even decades after college. Build your village/network to lean on later. Do activities sometimes that aren't your cup of tea just to build relationships. Good luck.

This is ABSOLUTELY true.  What you know is not as important as WHO you know.  At the end of the day, building/networking both professional and personal relationships is so much more important than getting good grades.  You can be a brilliant person but if people don't know who you are, your career will go nowhere.  You are at college, go out there and explore and try new things. 

At Virginia Tech, there is a golf course very close to campus called Pete Dye River golf course of Virginia Tech.  It is opened to the public at a cheap price for VATech students.  Most colleges likely have a golf course nearby with discounts for college students.  Go there to play and meet people in your free time.  This activity will force you to improve your social skills and you will learn how to read people.  You will not regret it.

There will be people you like and want to hang out with. There are lots of student supports to help with. I am an introvert and so is my daughter, but there are clubs and groups for everyone. You participate as you wish. I needed a lot of alone time to recharge, and still do, but just try a club or activity that sounds interesting. Do as much as you want. You do need to function in the larger world socially to some extent, so push yourself a little. There are activities like hiking or gardening where it’s calm and less chatty, and you can get to know people at your pace.

There are also schools that provide support for first generation college students.

When you interview for jobs after college, you will want your resume to include college activities.

Have faith that you can do this, and ask for help if needed. Good luck!

I have a daughter who sounds like you, OP! She is very focused on classes but is trying to push beyond her introverted nature to make friends. It can be harder on a larger college campus than in hs, so some effort may be useful. She tries to "like" friends' posts and uses social media to connect with people she's met in classes or activities to arrange to study or eat a meal. She doesn't post much and doesn't spend much time on there. So, I am pretty confident that you will find your people if you want to and that there will be others focused on studies and not social media. There will be opportunities for clubs, study groups, and you can always take refuge in the library! Don't worry about this. Enjoy your college experience however you want to do it.

Anonymous wrote:Don't ever believe everything you see on social media.
Make friends. You are not the only introvert on campus.
College is as much about networking as it is about academics.
You should try to join one club, sport, or social activity.
Make time to go to office hours and talk to your professors.
And yes, you can treat college classes like a job, but you want to take full advantage of what college can offer.
Good luck!
-Professor and Mom

This!

Remember that people's image on social media is not really reflective of the reality.

Like with those clubs - I'm sure lots of members aren't posting their participation all over social media. Please don't let a few posts by people dissuade you from checking out clubs and groups. It's okay to just feel things out and explore.

You can just go to class. But when you graduate, it's often not what you know but WHO you know that gets you decent jobs. Even decades after college. Build your village/network to lean on later. Do activities sometimes that aren't your cup of tea just to build relationships. Good luck.

OP, my son is an introvert and needs a lot of downtime. It’s absolutely no problem. He does spend a lot of time in his room, but he also has friends and socializes, but he spends lots of time in his room.

One thing - if there is any way you can be in a single it’s totally worth it. My kid struggled with sharing a room first year and is much happier in an apartment where he has his own room this year.

I graduated in 2021 from UNC Chapel Hill and I have some advices from a former introvert:

1- Make as many friends as you can without interfering with your study time. There are so many club activities that you can join on campus. Yes, it is a difficult thing to do if you are an introvert person but you need to step out of your comfort zone and do it. Nobody is going to judge you. It will be a lot of fun,

2- Do not study in your dorm room. You can study at the library. It is also a great place to meet people,

3- Join a club sport. It is a great place to meet people there. Step out of your comfort zone and make friends. Many times, those friendships will last even after graduation. One of those friends might even help you get internships,

4- Join other activities that have students from other countries as well. I am so glad I did it. This is especially with music activity clubs. I brought my guitar with me to the club and played a few songs. Next thing I knew, quite a few pretty ladies came up and started talking to me, one of them became my gf and she is from Chile,

In summary, the easiest thing for an introvert to do is to keep doing the same thing and hoping for a different outcome. You're in college and it is time to try new things. No one is going to judge you and you will probably experience rejections, but guess what, life is full of rejections. I am going with the baseball analogy here: a great baseball hitter with a .300 batting average seven out of ten times failure at the plate.

You are on a college campus. Go out there, put away your introvert and explore. You will have a lot of fun. Stay away from social media. It is quite toxic.

NP here - on the roommate topic - also be prepared that social roommate might have friends visit in room to hang out often. You might need to study elsewhere or find another place to veg-out.

Anonymous wrote:If you spend too much time in your dorm room, your roommate may complain. Consider getting an on-campus job or finding a place to study each day other than your room.

Screw that. You're paying for that room, you can use it as much as you want.

If your roommate is also studying, there should not be a problem.

If your roommate is not studying, he can get lost while you study.