Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 18:58     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:I am guessing that your “history of abuse” happened with a family member and not at a sleepover. But, still, I hear what you’re saying.


Why on earth would you "guess" that? Clueless and Insensitive!
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 18:56     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:In a nice voice just say sorry, Jane isn’t ready for sleepovers yet.


This. Keep it simple. Definitely don’t say it’s because history of abuse. That is overly specific and off-putting, and they might hear it as a fear about them specifically. And as noted in the responses, there are various reasons people choose not to do sleepovers (especially at 7).
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 18:41     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Be direct. Say “we are not allowing sleepovers but she would love to come to the party and we can pick her up later.” If they press it you can give any reason you want.

My daughter loves sleepovers but had some friends who don’t do them. It’s fine. Reasons include covid worries, they are a mess with too little sleep, they don’t make it through the night, parents simply don’t allow and leave it at that.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 18:20     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:I am guessing that your “history of abuse” happened with a family member and not at a sleepover. But, still, I hear what you’re saying.


Actually no- the abuser was a friends parent.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 17:25     Subject: Re:Polite way to decline sleepovers
Lots of kids do t do sleepovers-it’s perfectly fine to say just that.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 17:24     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
"DC can't make it"
After a couple declines, DC won't be asked again
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 17:22     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are not comfortable with sleepovers (history of abuse) and our child is 7. We’ve started getting invitations for slumber party birthdays and at first, I simply replied “Larla isn’t able to spend the night but she would love to come for the evening portion and I could pick her up before bedtime.” Seemed to be acceptable but had one mom who was a bit prickly about it. The latest invitation came and the host parent was much more direct. She suggested moving the party to a night my daughter could sleepover. For some reason, this really threw me off and I fumbled through the conversation. I basically came across like I didn’t want my DD to sleepover at their house specifically- which is not the case! Is it acceptable to just say “we don’t do sleepovers”? What would you have said?


That's what you say. My daughter had a friend who wasn't allowed to do sleepovers. During a face to face with the mom she felt the need to keep elaborating and justifying her reasoning, I stopped her and said, "I totally understand, no need to say more". The other parent may just be asking about a new date because you have not told her "no sleepovers period" and her daughter really wants your to attend so she is trying to arrange around you. I wouldn't automatically assume ill intent. If they keep pushing you after you've told them "no sleepover, period", then they are a jerk but you still don't need to elaborate as to why.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 17:17     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“We don’t do any sleepovers” is Lenny if said in a friendly way, and then immediately pivot to the positive thing. “…but Larla would really love to help Darla celebrate that evening! We can just pick her up at x:00. Thank you so much for inviting her!”


The one thing I'd say as the parent hosting the sleepover is let me pick the pick up time. It's way easier to have that transition at a transition point. So, I'd rather be able to say "Can I call you when I know what time the movie will end." or something, rather than having a kid pulled out in the middle, or awkwardly having to entertain you because you arrived when the kids were in the middle of a giant nerf gun fight and yours doesn't want to leave.

So, I'd say "We don't do sleepovers, but Larla would love to come for the evening. Is there I good time I could pick up between dinner and bedtime?"


I like this in theory a lot, but do you really plan what time certain activities happeN?


Sometimes, I might say 'The pool closes at 8:00 and we'll come back for the cake after.. Could you give us an hour for dinner and cake and pick up at 9?" and other times, I end up saying "Can I call you when I put the movie on, and know what time it's ending". Or I can say "Actually we're flexible, what time do you want to come?"
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 17:15     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
In a nice voice just say sorry, Jane isn’t ready for sleepovers yet.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 16:51     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“We don’t do any sleepovers” is Lenny if said in a friendly way, and then immediately pivot to the positive thing. “…but Larla would really love to help Darla celebrate that evening! We can just pick her up at x:00. Thank you so much for inviting her!”


The one thing I'd say as the parent hosting the sleepover is let me pick the pick up time. It's way easier to have that transition at a transition point. So, I'd rather be able to say "Can I call you when I know what time the movie will end." or something, rather than having a kid pulled out in the middle, or awkwardly having to entertain you because you arrived when the kids were in the middle of a giant nerf gun fight and yours doesn't want to leave.

So, I'd say "We don't do sleepovers, but Larla would love to come for the evening. Is there I good time I could pick up between dinner and bedtime?"


I like this in theory a lot, but do you really plan what time certain activities happeN?
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 16:38     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Meant to add that I agree with above poster that there are so many reasons, not just potential for abuse. Some kids are wrecks the next day due to lack of sleep. Some kids are embarrassed about nighttime diapers. Some kids tend to go out of control and act out on sleepovers. No need to explain!
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 16:36     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:"Dan and I don't let Kaeleigh have sleepovers. Would it be okay if we picked her up at 9pm?"

With the people you're more comfortable with you can say "There's a history of abuse in our family so we're over protective - I'm sure you understand our paranoia."


This is fine, but I don’t think you ever have to say why, it’s pretty obvious to me why some families don’t do sleepovers. It’s perfectly reasonable not to allow them. Ignore that prickly parent.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 16:33     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:“We don’t do any sleepovers” is Lenny if said in a friendly way, and then immediately pivot to the positive thing. “…but Larla would really love to help Darla celebrate that evening! We can just pick her up at x:00. Thank you so much for inviting her!”


Yes, this is fine!
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 16:32     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Some kids just don’t do sleepovers for a range of reasons. If a family told me their kid didn’t do sleepovers, I would not have any issues or questions. Could be abuse history, could be they don’t sleep well, have bed wetting issues, sleep walking, have particular sleep routine etc.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 16:31     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:“We don’t do any sleepovers” is Lenny if said in a friendly way, and then immediately pivot to the positive thing. “…but Larla would really love to help Darla celebrate that evening! We can just pick her up at x:00. Thank you so much for inviting her!”


+1. Don’t be ambiguous in your word choice. If mom chooses to take it personally, then she’s irrational.