Anonymous wrote:Want to start by saying that we don’t get aid, and I don’t know which families get aid.

When I talk to other parents, the implication is that URM’s get aid and people with kids on aftercare get aid. I found that funny because we are an URM family, we drive modest cars, and my kids often use aftercare.

I think if you are white, other parents will assume you aren’t on aid.

This is sad but probably true, but I'd say that it is "some" people. Not everyone makes such gross assumptions. I'm white and full pay and I would never make this assumption. I have no idea who is full pay or not. And I don't care. I also don't care what kind of house you live in or your car or whether you have some high profile DC job or where you went to college, or if you went to college. I care about whether you are nice and treat others with kindness and respect.

Of course, this doesn't mean it isn't hard to deal with having anyone (even if it's "some" but not all) that makes such assumptions. And I suspect someone like this will exist at most private schools. So it's probably a matter of degrees. I think it's best to talk with families at the schools you are interested in to find out their experiences.

On that note - I think for key insider questions (not just this, but some sticky academic or sports exemption type questions too) if you don't have any personal friends or "friends of friends" to ask safely outside of the admissions process, it's often better to wait until your child is accepted and then ask during decision process.

Want to start by saying that we don’t get aid, and I don’t know which families get aid.

When I talk to other parents, the implication is that URM’s get aid and people with kids on aftercare get aid. I found that funny because we are an URM family, we drive modest cars, and my kids often use aftercare.

I think if you are white, other parents will assume you aren’t on aid.

Not DMV, but am FP at an elite private in a big city. I don't know who is FP vs. FA. The only thing that I can tell is who is a faculty kid. IME, socially, there is stratification but it's really only the tippy top people who seem to congregate with each other. Interestingly, if your kid is tippy top in something else (sports, academics, attractiveness, popularity), then the tippy top people will associate with you too.

We were in a similar situation, OP. Decided to go to a down to earth school that has kindness and inclusivity as part of its dna. Less country clubby, less “old dc”. I’d suggest looking at Sheridan, nps, Wis, Washington Waldorf, etc. As amazing as big 3 may be, it’s not worth the social risk unless there’s something strong tying your child to the school, like a sport.