Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 18:40     Subject: Would you say something?
I also think you should get a better understanding of how much collaboration the kids are allowed to engage in. They are allowed to share ideas and help each other out. That’s not stealing each other’s work. They usually sit at communal tables. The schools ENCOURAGE that now. I’m concerned that you’re telling your child not to help the other kids, when the teacher is probably telling them to work together.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 18:36     Subject: Would you say something?
How old are these kids? You can’t seriously be that upset that one 8 year old didn’t say thank you to another 8 year old, can you?
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 17:33     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much assistance did your child give the friend? Brainstorming or writing entire paragraphs? It's a compliment for kids to come to her, but being helpful doesn't mean completing a project. Can you role play some possible situations with her? For example, when friend asks for help, her response could be, "What have you done so far?, or "Where exactly are you having problems?" Basically, she needs to flip it around and ask questions like a teacher would handle.


Excellent advice that’s actually helpful.


OP here. I agree with PP & this is the best advice on the thread. Thank you for your thoughtful response.


So OP, this helpful PP asked a question, that many have asked, that you haven't answered- what did your child do to help?

And PP did give excellent advice to the problem that MANY said you should be focused on. But your post asked "would you say something?" and "Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project?" The fact that you asked that, instead of how to help your child moving forward, indicates that you were focused on the wrong thing. I'm glad you have shifted focus.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 17:28     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much assistance did your child give the friend? Brainstorming or writing entire paragraphs? It's a compliment for kids to come to her, but being helpful doesn't mean completing a project. Can you role play some possible situations with her? For example, when friend asks for help, her response could be, "What have you done so far?, or "Where exactly are you having problems?" Basically, she needs to flip it around and ask questions like a teacher would handle.


Excellent advice that’s actually helpful.


OP here. I agree with PP & this is the best advice on the thread. Thank you for your thoughtful response.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 17:24     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:How much assistance did your child give the friend? Brainstorming or writing entire paragraphs? It's a compliment for kids to come to her, but being helpful doesn't mean completing a project. Can you role play some possible situations with her? For example, when friend asks for help, her response could be, "What have you done so far?, or "Where exactly are you having problems?" Basically, she needs to flip it around and ask questions like a teacher would handle.


Excellent advice that’s actually helpful.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 17:14     Subject: Re:Would you say something?
PP here, I should expand..and maybe be more compassionate.

I am sorry that your child has difficulty making friends. That is hard. And it absolutely sucks if your child is being used by another kid. I get that.

But I suggest you focus on that- how to help her navigate social relationships, find people she connects with and gain self- confidence.

Your focus on the following things are misguided, and are what are likely causing this reaction from me and other posters:
1. That this is even in AAP forum.
2. That you described her being gifted at a variety of things.
3. That you mention that the other child struggles.
4. That you mention the award.
5. That you mention that the other mother is proud and "boasting."
6. That the title of your post is "would you say something?" To whom and to what end?

What you have here is really a very common thing that happens in a variety of circumstances- one child is giving of time or talent to another and it is not reciprocated. None of the above is relevant.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 17:06     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.


Do you really think that after your DD "helped" this other child did not say thanks?
Or is it really that after this other child received the award that you think she should have said thank you AGAIN or publicly acknowledged that your DD "helped" so she could get the credit?

If it is the second, you are wrong.
If it is the first, well hopefully this other child will get some better manners, but really not your problem and not worth getting upset about.


It’s definitely the first scenario. She repeatedly asked my DD for assistance to the point that DD didn’t know how to respond. I admit that my DD didn’t handle it well and should have said no. A simple, personal acknowledgment would have been more than enough. I always try to thank people who go out of their way to help me.


If that were the case, you wouldn’t have mentioned anything the award or the other mother.


Yes, because that makes it even worse. I’m sorry but there is no way that you or some of the other posters would be fine if this happened to your child.


I think the point you are missing is that nothing happened to your child.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 16:51     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.


Do you really think that after your DD "helped" this other child did not say thanks?
Or is it really that after this other child received the award that you think she should have said thank you AGAIN or publicly acknowledged that your DD "helped" so she could get the credit?

If it is the second, you are wrong.
If it is the first, well hopefully this other child will get some better manners, but really not your problem and not worth getting upset about.


It’s definitely the first scenario. She repeatedly asked my DD for assistance to the point that DD didn’t know how to respond. I admit that my DD didn’t handle it well and should have said no. A simple, personal acknowledgment would have been more than enough. I always try to thank people who go out of their way to help me.


If that were the case, you wouldn’t have mentioned anything the award or the other mother.


Yes, because that makes it even worse. I’m sorry but there is no way that you or some of the other posters would be fine if this happened to your child.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 15:58     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.


Do you really think that after your DD "helped" this other child did not say thanks?
Or is it really that after this other child received the award that you think she should have said thank you AGAIN or publicly acknowledged that your DD "helped" so she could get the credit?

If it is the second, you are wrong.
If it is the first, well hopefully this other child will get some better manners, but really not your problem and not worth getting upset about.


It’s definitely the first scenario. She repeatedly asked my DD for assistance to the point that DD didn’t know how to respond. I admit that my DD didn’t handle it well and should have said no. A simple, personal acknowledgment would have been more than enough. I always try to thank people who go out of their way to help me.


So how exactly did this go down? Here is what I am picturing...

Other child has to write a report or do a presentation about X. Other child asks yours for help and your kid simply does not respond the first couple times. The last time your kid finally responds and spends about half an hour making suggestions about content and how to organize, etc. [I have a hard time imagining any child not saying "thanks" at the end of this exchange.]

End of story. The award doesn't matter. What the other mom said doesn't matter. Either your kid was kind and helped someone out, she was not kind but did it because she felt pressure she did not have the tools to stand up to, or she actively engaged in cheating. Which option do you prefer?
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 15:41     Subject: Would you say something?
Teach your child not to cheat.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 15:40     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.


Do you really think that after your DD "helped" this other child did not say thanks?
Or is it really that after this other child received the award that you think she should have said thank you AGAIN or publicly acknowledged that your DD "helped" so she could get the credit?

If it is the second, you are wrong.
If it is the first, well hopefully this other child will get some better manners, but really not your problem and not worth getting upset about.


It’s definitely the first scenario. She repeatedly asked my DD for assistance to the point that DD didn’t know how to respond. I admit that my DD didn’t handle it well and should have said no. A simple, personal acknowledgment would have been more than enough. I always try to thank people who go out of their way to help me.


If that were the case, you wouldn’t have mentioned anything the award or the other mother.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 14:43     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.


Do you really think that after your DD "helped" this other child did not say thanks?
Or is it really that after this other child received the award that you think she should have said thank you AGAIN or publicly acknowledged that your DD "helped" so she could get the credit?

If it is the second, you are wrong.
If it is the first, well hopefully this other child will get some better manners, but really not your problem and not worth getting upset about.


It’s definitely the first scenario. She repeatedly asked my DD for assistance to the point that DD didn’t know how to respond. I admit that my DD didn’t handle it well and should have said no. A simple, personal acknowledgment would have been more than enough. I always try to thank people who go out of their way to help me.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 14:32     Subject: Would you say something?
DC was asked to do a project together with a classmate together, it’s an optional one. After they finished DC asked several times via email ( school emails which they used to exchanged ideas to work on projects together so there’s no way the classmate missed it, it was during the pandemic year) they should submit to teacher the other classmates just wouldn’t respond for a week. We didn’t know if the partner decided it’s his project and decided to submit alone. Finally DC submit to teacher mentioned both the partner and his name and the classmate finally respond whatever we forgot, but he no longer interacted with DC. You would meet all kinds of people so just learn to protect your own right, and do the right thing.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 13:17     Subject: Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:DD was identified as gifted from an early age. She has always been a voracious reader and has a natural understanding of mathematical concepts. She is also an introvert which has made making connections with other students more difficult. One thing we have struggled with over the years is dealing with other students who ask for her assistance (answers) with schoolwork. It can be very frustrating for child who wants to form friendships but doesn’t want to feel as if they are being used. Anyway, a friend of DD asked for assistance with a project. DD ignored the request several times and then finally helped this friend. The friend ended up receiving an award for the project. I’m certain this would not have happened without assistance from DD as this other child has struggled in school. The situation wouldn’t bother me so much if the friend had simply said “thank you” to my DD but there has been no acknowledgement to date. Meanwhile, the mother has been boasting to me and others about her DD’s award. Should I let it go or at some point should I mention DD’s significant contribution to the project? I’ve told DD this is a lesson about not sharing work or ideas with others.


Do you really think that after your DD "helped" this other child did not say thanks?
Or is it really that after this other child received the award that you think she should have said thank you AGAIN or publicly acknowledged that your DD "helped" so she could get the credit?

If it is the second, you are wrong.
If it is the first, well hopefully this other child will get some better manners, but really not your problem and not worth getting upset about.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2022 13:14     Subject: Re:Would you say something?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, you don’t say anything. If you do, you come off looking like a crazy tiger mom.


because you maybe are a crazy tiger


Nope. I have never hired tutors or enrolled DD in prep classes. DD didn’t compete in this contest and isn’t interested in academic competitions in general. I just want DD to be treated with some respect by a supposed friend. I’m also personally displeased that the mother has mentioned several times to me when I know the truth. I’m a very honest person and I guess stuff like this just bothers me more than others.


What *exactly* did you expect this other child to do to "show respect"?
What displeases you about the mother mentioning the award? What would you expect her to do?

Who in this scenario do you think is being "dishonest"?