Ask for specifics but not necessarily toys. Think outside the box; ask for books on certain subjects and interests, or equipment and or accessories for their interests, like soccer balls or a real sleeping bag, flashlight and I don’t know an outdoor family game.

Then, as others have said, purge. Do it now. Today on the way to work, I dropped off bags of outgrown clothes and soccer cleats to goodwill that my own DD put aside in our donation pile.

My ILs were the best/worst at over-buying for DC. Just an excessive, obnoxious pile of gifts at Christmas. They never listened to my gentle suggestions and preferences to scale back, so as heartless as it may sound, I’d immediately separate out the gifts: some would be put away to be brought out later (or not), some immediately donated/DC forgot about or I knew they wouldn’t ever play with it and the others would be keepers.

I was always ruthless with donating though - if I had to trip over the toy because they never put it away despite being told to do so, donated. Conversely, if they hadn’t touched a toy for months, donated.

Anonymous wrote:Poor OP. I am totally with you. Donating is a lot of work and generally not a solution. Grandparents who don’t respect the wishes of parents are deeply selfish and disrespectful.

LOL! Good one, PP!

Every Thanksgiving we do a big purge of toys the kids have aged out of and things that are broken or unused to make space for the inevitable crush of new things are going to come in. Why don't you spend time clearing out the stuff your kids don't play with to make room for new things?

Another point -- if you think your 7.5 year old is aging out of toys, you are nuts. My 10 year old still has tons of toys, they're just different, so maybe try giving granny some suggestions this year instead of waiting to see if she picks out stuff that is too babyish.

I'm very minimalist on toys and have strict rules about no toys laying around communal spaces at the end of the day, etc., and declutter frequently. But "no toys' requests like the OP's do rub me the wrong way. If it brings my parents joy to give their grandkid a toy, that's fine with me. I do tell them up front what big items we do not have physical space for -- e.g. Grandma wanted to get DD a toy kitchen and I said you can do it but keep it at your house; ours is too small.

Poor OP. I am totally with you. Donating is a lot of work and generally not a solution. Grandparents who don’t respect the wishes of parents are deeply selfish and disrespectful.

So you allow your kids to keep an excessive amount of toys but get mad at grandparents that want to do something totally appropriate like gift their grandchild a toy. And you think a 7.5-year-old is close to outgrowing toys? Somebody make it make sense.

OP, I just want to let you know, I get it. My inlaws live locally and bring my DS new toys every time they see him (once a week). Literally. It's a bunch of old crap that my husband grew up with. I can't say anything because I'm really bad with tone (I know that sounds ridiculous, but my tone is transparent when I'm annoyed). DH is super direct (occasionally verging on rude, but not my problem!) with his parents and will be like "Mom, save that for Christmas. He doesn't need that right now." or something similar. I want my son to feel love and have toys and whatnot, but at a certain point I just feel sick of all the STUFF. It just feels so wasteful.

Um basketball hoops and climbing domes and memberships to zoos/museums or taking kids to an amusement park (experience gift) etc are a lot more $$ than buying a pile of toys. I can understand you feel your kids have too much stuff as I think that’s true of most American kids. So purge their toys, donate them even if you can’t return them if it’s not something they’ll play w. And give up on changing the grandparents’ gift giving ways! You will not be successful in changing how they choose to give gifts so just accept it, donate the excess stuff, and buy them the bigger ticket items yourself!

How did you come to have so many toys?? Is it solely the fault of grandparents over-buying? We don’t have this problem so it’s hard for me to imagine. My kids were ecstatic when they got toys as gifts!

Why don’t you buy them the soccer goals/equipment?

Also, in a nice and respectful way be very clear with the grandparents. “They’re still playing with all the great toys you got them last time - and our house is getting a little cluttered, would you mind getting them an experience instead?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 7.5 and for 7.5 years, we have asked for no toys for Christmas. Experiences, large items (basketball hoop), etc. Nope. Grandparents insist on toys…a LOT of them, because it’s “fun”.

We can’t return them once they’re open…I considered that. We get rid of stuff, but it is quality toys: nano bots, legos, coding critters…and my kids play with the items occasionally.

But we are drowning in toys. I have three boys now and we don’t need anything else. The 7.5 is close to aging out of “toys” and he already has legos galore, plus snap circuits etc.

I went a climbing dome, soccer goals, balls…

Has anyone managed to “break” grandparents of this toy obsession?!?

First, 7.5 is not at the age where they are aging out of toys! That is crazy. Second, if you have been telling people no toys for almost 8 years than nothing is going to change. Why not purge the old toys so there is room for the new ones?

Pp of another post here and want to second, just purge a lot! Just go through and give away or throw away anything the kids haven't used in the last year consistently

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's sad that you don't want things that develop your kids cognitively. The fact that your kid at 7.5 has run out of imagination and is outgrowing "toys" is a sign that something is wrong. I can see why the grandparents are overcompensating.

Why can't the soccer goals etc . . be gifts from you?

NP. Please, kids don’t need toys to develop cognitively. Total BS. If a kid appears to have run out of imagination, it’s often because they have too many toys.

Seriously. I learned more as a kid doing actual repairs around the house than by building things out of legos.

I hear you op, and I also don't think you can dictate what other people gift. That's why they are gifts and the grandparents should get to choose what they spend their money on. That being said, I agree with others can you be really specific - the boys would LOVE a soccer goal for christmas, with a link? Or something of the sort. just saying no toys doesn't feel very helpful. Usually people buy kids toys for christmas, honestly.

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 7.5 and for 7.5 years, we have asked for no toys for Christmas. Experiences, large items (basketball hoop), etc. Nope. Grandparents insist on toys…a LOT of them, because it’s “fun”.

We can’t return them once they’re open…I considered that. We get rid of stuff, but it is quality toys: nano bots, legos, coding critters…and my kids play with the items occasionally.

But we are drowning in toys. I have three boys now and we don’t need anything else. The 7.5 is close to aging out of “toys” and he already has legos galore, plus snap circuits etc.

I went a climbing dome, soccer goals, balls…

Has anyone managed to “break” grandparents of this toy obsession?!?

First, 7.5 is not at the age where they are aging out of toys! That is crazy. Second, if you have been telling people no toys for almost 8 years than nothing is going to change. Why not purge the old toys so there is room for the new ones?

Anonymous wrote:It's sad that you don't want things that develop your kids cognitively. The fact that your kid at 7.5 has run out of imagination and is outgrowing "toys" is a sign that something is wrong. I can see why the grandparents are overcompensating.

Why can't the soccer goals etc . . be gifts from you?

NP. Please, kids don’t need toys to develop cognitively. Total BS. If a kid appears to have run out of imagination, it’s often because they have too many toys.

Stop saying "no toys!!!!" and start asking for targeted big-ticket items. Tell grandma about how much your boys enjoy outdoor toys (basketball hoops and climbing domes and such are toys FYI), talk up how much fun your oldest is having with sports to grandpa. Basically, stop making the grandparents think you're denying your kids fun (which is what shouting no toys sounds like) and start ensuring that when they think about your kids they naturally gravitate to the kinds of activities you want.

And stop trying to make experience gifts happen from other people. Grandparents often like to send things they can wrap.