i noticed that at least for the SG shared risk donor pool that the more desirable donors generally ended up in the 1 donor 2 families pool or even the one donor, one recipient pool. Also the really desirable candidates went SUPER quickly, like text your spouse to look right away quickly, because they'll be gone by dinner time.

that said priorities were not so much "looked like me" but "looked like they could be related", and intelligence. The donor we went with had one of the better written essays and was a math major, and had a similar euro-mutt background to me. she also shared my bloodtype, which i did not have as a requirement but certainly was a nice to have.

While we plan to be open about the donation with our child, that doesn't mean it necessarily has to come up with every random dr appointment. I also have some concerns about IVF legality persistence in a post-roe world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Health History
2. Willing to do open donation (this was a must)
3. Intellect/Talent (She was college educated and excellent piano player)
4. Limited or no other donations
5. Fresh cycle

My donor was not proven. Had no children of her own at the time and did a single donation to my husband and me. She has done no further donations (and we know, since we did an open donation).

How did you find a known donor? I would like to do donor eggs but the only option I’ve found is open at 18.

We used the clinic's donor bank and then when we selected a donor, the clinic reached out and asked if she would be willing to be known. She said yes.

Regardless of who you choose know that it’s a crapshoot. My DD is adopted and is perfectly healthy as of right now ( she’s 13). We have friends who used 2 different sperm donors for both their sons, picked based on looks, education, history etc. One son has adhd and autism and the other one has had some physical and emotional issues.

i used someone who was older and felt like they fully understood what they were doing with egg donation and seemed comfortable with it -- they were married with kids already, so it had that "proven" aspect. health history was important, as was general kindness (that came across through the essays).

We also prioritized having a proven donor (ours already had a daughter, plus had donated once before that resulted in a live birth). I had a friend who used a first-time unproven donor and it didn't work out. I'm so glad I learned from her story.
Second, we wanted someone who lived close by (driving distance to our dr.) as we didn't want to pay additional money for flights, hotels, etc.
We did look at medical history of course, and while she was not college educated, she seemed to come from a nice, close knit family.
She looks nothing like me.
It all worked out fine- we have the most amazing child who is so smart and cute.
Good luck!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Health History
2. Willing to do open donation (this was a must)
3. Intellect/Talent (She was college educated and excellent piano player)
4. Limited or no other donations
5. Fresh cycle

My donor was not proven. Had no children of her own at the time and did a single donation to my husband and me. She has done no further donations (and we know, since we did an open donation).

How did you find a known donor? I would like to do donor eggs but the only option I’ve found is open at 18.

NP. You can advertise privately or go to very high-end donor agencies.

Anonymous wrote:1. Health History
2. Willing to do open donation (this was a must)
3. Intellect/Talent (She was college educated and excellent piano player)
4. Limited or no other donations
5. Fresh cycle

My donor was not proven. Had no children of her own at the time and did a single donation to my husband and me. She has done no further donations (and we know, since we did an open donation).

How did you find a known donor? I would like to do donor eggs but the only option I’ve found is open at 18.

1. Health History
2. Willing to do open donation (this was a must)
3. Intellect/Talent (She was college educated and excellent piano player)
4. Limited or no other donations
5. Fresh cycle

My donor was not proven. Had no children of her own at the time and did a single donation to my husband and me. She has done no further donations (and we know, since we did an open donation).

FWIW, I did not focus on women who looked like me. As I result, my children (all from the same donor) do not look like me, yet people STILL remark that "oh, X looks like a mix of you and DH." People see what they want to see IMO.

Proven history was the most important factor. Medical history was second.
We also looked for a donor that resembled my husband rather than me. A curly-haired blond child would be showing the donor's traits, but a straight-haired dark haired child could conceivably be his genetics.

OP: Thanks so much for your responses!

Anonymous wrote:#1 YOUNG (research shows best success is with younger donors: https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/27/1/118/714113)
#2 Looks like me
#3 Health history
#4 Education
#5 blood type--long story but I wanted a blood type that could conceivably show it was possible for my kids to have come from me. You may not care about that factor)

The article you cite actually had the highest rate of success with donors 30-34 (25%) vs. 24.1% in donors less than 30 although difference not statistically significant. So basically don't choose anyone 35 or older (which I don't think is an option at frozen egg banks).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 YOUNG (research shows best success is with younger donors: https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/27/1/118/714113)
#2 Looks like me
#3 Health history
#4 Education
#5 blood type--long story but I wanted a blood type that could conceivably show it was possible for my kids to have come from me. You may not care about that factor)

In a world of 23andme, why would blood type matter so much?

+1, there is no debate whatsoever that being upfront and honest with your kids about being donor conceived is better psychologically and emotionally. There are lots of kids books about it these days.

PP here I forgot to mention I also included blood type as a criteria (I filtered based on it so didn't consider any egg donor of a different blood type). It is better from a health standpoint to have the same blood type, particularly if you are blood type O and are using sperm from someone is also blood type O. Then it makes sense to choose an egg donor who is also type O. Plan to be upfront with my child but there is no point risking increased rate of miscarriage or even hemolytic anemia of newborn (admittedly rare) if it is not necessary.
Also young egg donor unfortunately does not guarantee healthy embryos. I used 10 frozen eggs from a 22 year old - 5 blastocysts - 3 aneuploid (including a trisomy 21), 1 indeterminate, and 1 euploid. Fortunately for me 1 euploid is all it took .

She said, “long story” so she must have her reasons. No reason to question and belittle her choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 YOUNG (research shows best success is with younger donors: https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/27/1/118/714113)
#2 Looks like me
#3 Health history
#4 Education
#5 blood type--long story but I wanted a blood type that could conceivably show it was possible for my kids to have come from me. You may not care about that factor)

In a world of 23andme, why would blood type matter so much?

+1, there is no debate whatsoever that being upfront and honest with your kids about being donor conceived is better psychologically and emotionally. There are lots of kids books about it these days.