Anonymous wrote:I'm realizing more and more how clueless people are about basic etiquette. I used to think my mom was too hung up on the "rules", but now I appreciate knowing how to properly host things. I was just talking to BIL's fiancee last night about her potluck wedding shower. Her friend is "hosting", her mother is cooking most of the food, and she has asked MIL to bring food as well. Part of her ignorance about etiquette is cultural, but the same can't be said for most people who just don't have a clue.

Anonymous wrote:I'm realizing more and more how clueless people are about basic etiquette. I used to think my mom was too hung up on the "rules", but now I appreciate knowing how to properly host things. I was just talking to BIL's fiancee last night about her potluck wedding shower. Her friend is "hosting", her mother is cooking most of the food, and she has asked MIL to bring food as well. Part of her ignorance about etiquette is cultural, but the same can't be said for most people who just don't have a clue.

Anonymous wrote:I kinda feel like I've got to attend for work politics, otherwise I would definitely decline since it made me feel like a walking wallet.

So usually with any gift I include a card and write a meaningful message. Do I still do this and just put the money in there too and attach that to the tree?

Re:beverage..I'm thinking cheap wine so I have something to get me through the event? JK. I'll bring a jug of soda and be done with it.

Re:the wedding with the money tree. Where was it? In this area?

I am relieved to read this is not the new norm. Bleck!

Anonymous wrote:For all of you knocking the "dollar dance" at weddings, it is very much a cultural thing. Know your audience.

In DC, that means know that everyone will be offended by everything you do or don't do, if it doesn't comply with their very own standards and/or the latest edition of Miss Manners or Emily Post. And if their standards exceed those of MM/EP, you will offend by not meeting their standards (see, e.g., imaginary requirement that thank you cards be sent to gift givers who were thanked in person).

Anonymous wrote:Is this common now? A coworker's sister invited me to a shower the end of this month and the invitation explicity says to bring money for the mom to be's money tree. Am I from a different planet? I was raised that this is rude and any party, even a wedding or birthday party is more about enjoying the company of your guests, celebrating with them and making them feel welcome. For showers, etc I tend to ask if there is a registry or what type of gift the person wants, and if I heard money was preferred I would give it. However, with money made so explicit as the only gift desired, I kind of felt like I was being invited to a pampered chef party.

And what does one do when you see a money tree? Am I supposed to put cash on there or a check? How much do people give for someone you just want to have a pleasant work relationship with, but you aren't close friends?

I forgot to mention we each were asked to bring something and I was assigned the beverage category. Is this common as well? I have helped host the showers of close friends, but had not heard of reaching out to all guests.

I am in my 30s and yet I find myself saying...in my day. we actually thought the true gift was people coming to your party, in my day.......Does anyone else miss social etiquette? Am I the only one who is shocked when an invitation basically says "bring money?" Am I old fashioned to prefer to find out the mom to be wants money by just asking her sister?

Anonymous wrote:"(see, e.g., imaginary requirement that thank you cards be sent to gift givers who were thanked in person). "

I myself feel writing a thank you note is the least I could do for someone taking the time to come to a celebration let alone bring something even if I thank them in person.

What is a DOLLAR DANCE?

Anonymous wrote:For all of you knocking the "dollar dance" at weddings, it is very much a cultural thing. Know your audience.

In DC, that means know that everyone will be offended by everything you do or don't do, if it doesn't comply with their very own standards and/or the latest edition of Miss Manners or Emily Post. And if their standards exceed those of MM/EP, you will offend by not meeting their standards (see, e.g., imaginary requirement that thank you cards be sent to gift givers who were thanked in person).