Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stop relying on her for such a basic thing as food. Buy and cook your own food. Let Grandma be a grandma.

My husband is no longer with us and she's happy to do it. She's the one who suggested helping out this way and she's doing it so I'm not going to complain or buy and cook my own food when I have someone else to do it and the kids are thriving and I'm busy from morning to night with them and work. But thanks for not helping and being snarky.

First, I am sorry your husband has passed. That is really hard - my condolences.

But she's not happy to do it or she's not capable of really helping. She wants to do what she wants to do and that's not actually a help to you. Part of helping is listening to the person you are trying to help.

You know her best, but I would be blunt with my mother - "I appreciate your willingness to help, but what would really help me is a meal ready for us to eat every weeknight at 6pm." Say that and see what she says.

If she thinks the receipt thing is stupid, then stop doing it. Plan your own meal and if something else ends up in the fridge say nothing and adjust.

She's capable of helping on her schedule and her budget and when she's available. It's all I can ask. I've learned as people age they are willing to do things that come from themselves but it gets harder to work with others as you age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stop relying on her for such a basic thing as food. Buy and cook your own food. Let Grandma be a grandma.

My husband is no longer with us and she's happy to do it. She's the one who suggested helping out this way and she's doing it so I'm not going to complain or buy and cook my own food when I have someone else to do it and the kids are thriving and I'm busy from morning to night with them and work. But thanks for not helping and being snarky.

First, I am sorry your husband has passed. That is really hard - my condolences.

But she's not happy to do it or she's not capable of really helping. She wants to do what she wants to do and that's not actually a help to you. Part of helping is listening to the person you are trying to help.

You know her best, but I would be blunt with my mother - "I appreciate your willingness to help, but what would really help me is a meal ready for us to eat every weeknight at 6pm." Say that and see what she says.

If she thinks the receipt thing is stupid, then stop doing it. Plan your own meal and if something else ends up in the fridge say nothing and adjust.

Anonymous wrote:Okay - so I understand your frustration, but I'm guessing this communication problem is two ways, because your suggested solution (take a picture of the receipt) doesn't actually solve any problems you stated. In fact, I read your whole post and I'm not confident of exactly what parts are the problem. You mention cost, you mention timing, you mention snacks, you mention dinner... you need to clearly identify the SPECIFIC problems that are causing you issue. I'd recommend starting with one or two.

For example: It sounds like she makes dinner for your family almost every night, but provides no notice when she isn't going to do so.
Feels like an easy answer for me- assuming she's cooking healthy dinners roughly 5-6 days a week, then just have two or three frozen backup dinners for when this happens. Chicken nuggets, frozen pizza, and a box of Mac and cheese. So, you can whip up something quickly on those nights.

Another example: She doesn't always get everything you need (ie, no snacks). Can you provide a list to her once a week of things you need in addition to the dinner fixings? Give it to her at the same time every week (let's say Sunday morning) and make sure you're listing enough stuff that you've always got 1-2 weeks on hand so if she goes longer than expected before shopping, you're fine.

Then, decide some things don't matter - like timing, and let them go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stop relying on her for such a basic thing as food. Buy and cook your own food. Let Grandma be a grandma.

My husband is no longer with us and she's happy to do it. She's the one who suggested helping out this way and she's doing it so I'm not going to complain or buy and cook my own food when I have someone else to do it and the kids are thriving and I'm busy from morning to night with them and work. But thanks for not helping and being snarky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes, you are correct I need more of a stop gap. I do have frozen meals in the freezer. I have to stock up on snacks for when we are out. I'll just do this. I just thought perhaps someone had gotten through to a person who didn't regularly communicate these things.

The question was about communication, not about setting up a different system. DCUMers have trouble answering the actual questions regularly I've noticed.

Wow you sound so easy to get along with I’m shocked you’re having trouble w your mom!

Anonymous wrote:Can you set up a schedule so that the grocery shopping is always done on a certain day of the week? And if there are busy days when you need food ready when you walk in the door tell her that in advance? Sounds like she could benefit from you being a little more directive. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:yes, you are correct I need more of a stop gap. I do have frozen meals in the freezer. I have to stock up on snacks for when we are out. I'll just do this. I just thought perhaps someone had gotten through to a person who didn't regularly communicate these things.

The question was about communication, not about setting up a different system. DCUMers have trouble answering the actual questions regularly I've noticed.