Anonymous
11/11/2022 17:54
Subject: Re:Polyamorous Relationship
Some very insightful thoughts so far. Before I get on my soapbox, let me answer your question OP.
Stay out of it, don't mention a thing to her other than, no matter what I'm supportive of you and you are safe if you want to talk. Period, end of story.
Like others, a friend came out to me as poly. They are not queer. They supposedly both had outside partners. Until he decided to leave her for one of his other partners. Leave her with 4 kids. Well he didn't leave fast enough and that other woman left him. Throughout this mess I was supportive of her and her feelings. It became clear he was more into sleeping with other women than she was into other men. Of course eventually he came crawling back. I was gentle with my advice so we are still friends. If I had been black and white most likely we would not be friends. I still think he's a giant douche.
Stay out of it, don't mention a thing to her other than, no matter what I'm supportive of you and you are safe if you want to talk. Period, end of story.
Like others, a friend came out to me as poly. They are not queer. They supposedly both had outside partners. Until he decided to leave her for one of his other partners. Leave her with 4 kids. Well he didn't leave fast enough and that other woman left him. Throughout this mess I was supportive of her and her feelings. It became clear he was more into sleeping with other women than she was into other men. Of course eventually he came crawling back. I was gentle with my advice so we are still friends. If I had been black and white most likely we would not be friends. I still think he's a giant douche.
Anonymous
11/11/2022 17:31
Subject: Re:Polyamorous Relationship
Those of us who grew up with hippie parents in place like Berkeley know this territory pretty well from a kid's perspective, and I gotta say, it was always toxic and messy and narcissistic, and always involved one person (usually a masculine person), being very into it, and the others very into them.
My own experiences in my twenties did not change my mind about this. The thing about a partnership is it somewhat limits itself. There's you, and there's the other. You either work it out or you don't. When you add more people (and I have), it gets messy, it gets uneven, and there's more room for miscommunication.
And there's another issue that all of you pie-eyed well-intentioned kids don't seem to parse: the US (and many, many other countries) don't have polygamous marriages as a legal option for some very good reasons, and most of those reasons have to do with predatory men collecting child brides. Now, I'm not a stick in the mud who'd say group sex isn't fun--certainly can be. But when you factor in the potential for abuse, hey, maybe read "Banner of Heaven" again and get back to me.
Ah, but that doesn't apply to your massively enlightened and wonderful relationship? Cool. Nifty. But again, there are reasons we have protections for women in their partnerships. You're undoing them.
My own experiences in my twenties did not change my mind about this. The thing about a partnership is it somewhat limits itself. There's you, and there's the other. You either work it out or you don't. When you add more people (and I have), it gets messy, it gets uneven, and there's more room for miscommunication.
And there's another issue that all of you pie-eyed well-intentioned kids don't seem to parse: the US (and many, many other countries) don't have polygamous marriages as a legal option for some very good reasons, and most of those reasons have to do with predatory men collecting child brides. Now, I'm not a stick in the mud who'd say group sex isn't fun--certainly can be. But when you factor in the potential for abuse, hey, maybe read "Banner of Heaven" again and get back to me.
Ah, but that doesn't apply to your massively enlightened and wonderful relationship? Cool. Nifty. But again, there are reasons we have protections for women in their partnerships. You're undoing them.