I’m 50. It’s real. I think the pandemic has made 100x worse than it would otherwise be, but even prior to the pandemic I was feeling lonely, frustrated, like my work is unappreciated. My marriage is ok but my husband has lost his libido, so we are more like roommates. Both of my parents died during the pandemic but the ten years leading to their deaths were tough - my dad couldn’t hear, my mom had bad arthritis - witnessing how their objectively good lives just….petered out….was very depressing to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well this is a depressing thread. Those with malaise, perhaps you have too many first world problems? (Not directed at the woman with a special needs child though.)

Take hope posters! There is light on the other side. I'm 57, my kids are grown (college and grad school, so young adults, but out of the house) and my surviving parent died this past spring. My husband is older and retired last year. My life now without childcare or elder care, and with a husband who's not stressed from work, is markedly better than it was in 2019. You'll get there!

Thank you, PP! Yes, for many of us, it's about a time in our lives where we are sandwiched (or, if not both kids+elderly parents, even one sided is tough as well...ha, an open-faced sandwich situation is messy, too)

I've still got one kid at home and one IL that is elderly and getting into all kinds of trouble, but yes, a few years ago, I had two kids at home (one was super-difficult) and three elders with all sorts of problems, and it was significantly harder.

However; I think that as the pressure recedes (meaning, kid goes off to college and elders die), there is a void....there is more time for me, suddenly, now that I'm not all-consumed with kids+elders, and it can feel like malaise, like, well, what do I do with myself---what haven't I done all these years while I was doing all that care-taking? I didn't learn to X (e.g. play the guitar) but I'm too tired to learn, now. So it feels like malaise.

I think being kind to onesself goes a long way in this stage of life.