Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:27
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Anonymous wrote:You have to show her the actual numbers. You have to be prepared with your own financial bottom line on retirement, emergency savings, and college savings.
People like your wife are "fuzzy thinkers" about money. You cannot let their fuzziness, denial, and wishful thinking ruin your own finances.
Sorry to say you'll just have to be very assertive and put your foot down.
If she insists, you may have no other option than to separate finances, if you don't already. That is, you get your own bank account, and your paycheck goes there. You contribute 50% of the joint expenses, and then what you have decided into retirement, emergency savings, and college fund. If she thinks she can pay for private school entirely out of her own money, then she can do that. But I assume she cannot.
I know this sounds harsh, but you can't let her ruin your and your children's economic futures.
You’re a bozo
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:26
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Absolutely not.
What we did was move to a great school district. We have the smallest and oldest house in the neighborhood. But we are happy with the trade off because the kids have gotten great teachers snd peers over the years and we’ve been able to save for college.
I have a senior applying to college this week. Next year:
UMD in state is 30K.
Georgetown and George Washington are 80K+.
Various northeast SLACs (small liberal arts colleges, like Swarthmore, Williams, etc) are in the high 70Ks.
***Cost of attendance has historically risen faster than inflation and salaries on average***.
What we did was move to a great school district. We have the smallest and oldest house in the neighborhood. But we are happy with the trade off because the kids have gotten great teachers snd peers over the years and we’ve been able to save for college.
I have a senior applying to college this week. Next year:
UMD in state is 30K.
Georgetown and George Washington are 80K+.
Various northeast SLACs (small liberal arts colleges, like Swarthmore, Williams, etc) are in the high 70Ks.
***Cost of attendance has historically risen faster than inflation and salaries on average***.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:26
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Sounds like you would be better off moving…
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:25
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You have to show her the actual numbers. You have to be prepared with your own financial bottom line on retirement, emergency savings, and college savings.
People like your wife are "fuzzy thinkers" about money. You cannot let their fuzziness, denial, and wishful thinking ruin your own finances.
Sorry to say you'll just have to be very assertive and put your foot down.
If she insists, you may have no other option than to separate finances, if you don't already. That is, you get your own bank account, and your paycheck goes there. You contribute 50% of the joint expenses, and then what you have decided into retirement, emergency savings, and college fund. If she thinks she can pay for private school entirely out of her own money, then she can do that. But I assume she cannot.
I know this sounds harsh, but you can't let her ruin your and your children's economic futures.
Would love to hear your alternative solution, when somebody wants you to commit to an expense with money you literally do not have? It's not pretty, but there's not really any other way when one half of a partnership has drastically different ideas about money. You just start looking out for yourself.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:23
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Anonymous wrote:You have to show her the actual numbers. You have to be prepared with your own financial bottom line on retirement, emergency savings, and college savings.
People like your wife are "fuzzy thinkers" about money. You cannot let their fuzziness, denial, and wishful thinking ruin your own finances.
Sorry to say you'll just have to be very assertive and put your foot down.
If she insists, you may have no other option than to separate finances, if you don't already. That is, you get your own bank account, and your paycheck goes there. You contribute 50% of the joint expenses, and then what you have decided into retirement, emergency savings, and college fund. If she thinks she can pay for private school entirely out of her own money, then she can do that. But I assume she cannot.
I know this sounds harsh, but you can't let her ruin your and your children's economic futures.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:23
Subject: Re:We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Does your wife work?
Do it for a year and see if it actually punches your budget.
OP said after "tightening" they would be short every month.
This is clearly a hard no.
Without actually seeing numbers, no one here can determine that.
I mean, he said that there would be a $500-$1000/month shortfall. Unless there's some massive expense he's not disclosing (boat? country club? monthly vacations?) sounds like they just cannot afford it.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:22
Subject: Re:We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Does your wife work?
Do it for a year and see if it actually punches your budget.
OP said after "tightening" they would be short every month.
This is clearly a hard no.
That’s what everyone says about increase in spending but it’s not always true. Also he might just not save as much a month, they have lots of savings.
+1. What is "tightening"? Giving up your morning Starbucks, or giving up your biweekly cleaning lady?
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:22
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
I don’t know who is right but I can tell you one thing for sure: this situation won’t end well. Either she is unreasonable and just wants to keep up with the Joneses, or she is the reasonable one and you are an ass who doesn’t see the situation for how dire it is (with their public school) and are too cheap/lazy.
Either way it spells marital disagreement and possibly divorce
Either way it spells marital disagreement and possibly divorce
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:21
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
You have to show her the actual numbers. You have to be prepared with your own financial bottom line on retirement, emergency savings, and college savings.
People like your wife are "fuzzy thinkers" about money. You cannot let their fuzziness, denial, and wishful thinking ruin your own finances.
Sorry to say you'll just have to be very assertive and put your foot down.
If she insists, you may have no other option than to separate finances, if you don't already. That is, you get your own bank account, and your paycheck goes there. You contribute 50% of the joint expenses, and then what you have decided into retirement, emergency savings, and college fund. If she thinks she can pay for private school entirely out of her own money, then she can do that. But I assume she cannot.
I know this sounds harsh, but you can't let her ruin your and your children's economic futures.
People like your wife are "fuzzy thinkers" about money. You cannot let their fuzziness, denial, and wishful thinking ruin your own finances.
Sorry to say you'll just have to be very assertive and put your foot down.
If she insists, you may have no other option than to separate finances, if you don't already. That is, you get your own bank account, and your paycheck goes there. You contribute 50% of the joint expenses, and then what you have decided into retirement, emergency savings, and college fund. If she thinks she can pay for private school entirely out of her own money, then she can do that. But I assume she cannot.
I know this sounds harsh, but you can't let her ruin your and your children's economic futures.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:19
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Lock the wife up
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:19
Subject: Re:We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
I don't think we know enough about your finances to advise -- what else are you paying for and willing to give up? Do you travel/vacation? Could some of that be cut out? Is there a car that is almost paid off that would give you more money monthly?
If something happens down the line, like a job loss, well you could pull the kids out of private. I know that wouldn't be ideal, but you're also worried about a big maybe. Are either of you in a job where there isn't good job security?
If something happens down the line, like a job loss, well you could pull the kids out of private. I know that wouldn't be ideal, but you're also worried about a big maybe. Are either of you in a job where there isn't good job security?
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:19
Subject: Re:We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
No matter how impressive the school where you earned your high school diploma is, if you can’t afford college, you’ve shot yourself in the foot. No spending college funds on middle school and high school.
Does she just think private is better in general or are your kids struggling in some way?
Does she just think private is better in general or are your kids struggling in some way?
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:16
Subject: Re:We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Does your wife work?
Do it for a year and see if it actually punches your budget.
OP said after "tightening" they would be short every month.
This is clearly a hard no.
Without actually seeing numbers, no one here can determine that.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:16
Subject: We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
I don’t think either one of you is necessarily wrong. It’s hard without more facts. Obviously we’re getting your side and you don’t seem to believe they are good either. How involved are you with your kids schools - who is sitting and doing their homework with them? Do your kids have any challenges with schools? Is it possible to move to an area with better public schools? Can you cut vacation to make up the deficit?
We left public during Covid and it’s stressed our finances. I absolutely believe it’s been worth it though.
I would also look at catholic schools and at least apply for financial aid.
We left public during Covid and it’s stressed our finances. I absolutely believe it’s been worth it though.
I would also look at catholic schools and at least apply for financial aid.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 12:13
Subject: Re:We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Does your wife work?
Do it for a year and see if it actually punches your budget.
OP said after "tightening" they would be short every month.
This is clearly a hard no.
That’s what everyone says about increase in spending but it’s not always true. Also he might just not save as much a month, they have lots of savings.