Among my friends, 100%

All.

The ones that don’t mommy track -
over time in history their genes were weeded out.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Women were sold a myth that we could have it all. It was a lie. To be a good parent, you must scale back on work. You can’t do both. I cut back and changed career trajectory. I am with my kids out the door to school and when they get home. So happy about that

The only lie is that childcare isn't legitimate work. If it was recognized and rewarded monetarily, there wouldn't be a problem. The misconception is that mommy tracked is doing less work, when in fact the juggle of an outside the home career (even a down shifted one) and taking care of children is MORE work. People who take care of kids fulltime are working too. But we as a society and as an economy must make changes to recognize that valuable, uncompensated work.

Increasingly, esp post pandemic, my issue is with the word “tracked”. There are very few jobs out there that have linear progressions you could call tracks anymore. Tenure track professor is one of them, partner-track biglaw, traditional I-banking and consulting?

For the rest of us, I’ve been learning firsthand, to call anything a “track” is just inapt. I’ve been able to take a 1 year break and do part time for stretches without hurting my “career”, however that’s defined. Before my current break I was making more $ than I ever had before and with more responsibility. I have switched industries from where I started. There isn’t a track for me, and I see more careers looking like mine over time.

My issue is with this mental model we all have of tracks, one-way progression, linearity, an assumption that we stay in the same industry that we started in. For most of us, that way of thinking is stifling and unnecessary.

The other thread definitely resonated with me. I’ve always consciously made choices that would allow me to be the kind of mom I wanted to be (like picking a legal specialty that would allow me to go in house, choosing roles that don’t require a ton of travel/allow me to WFH 4ish days per week), but now that I’m here, that doesn’t mean I have complete peace with my decisions or the impact this has had on my career. I’m an in house lawyer making about $220k a year. Peers that didn’t mommy track are BigLaw partners, consulting partners and physicians making $400k+ per year now.

DH and I met as ambitious professional school students. His is the primary career now, not only because he’s good but because he’s had some really great breaks and sponsors along the way. When I look at ramping my own career, I just don’t see how it’s possible from a time or energy perspective. I have no interest in being a SAHM, but our family greatly benefits from the flexibility of my job. It’s just that I don’t have the time/energy for a bigger job, but my mommy track job isn’t always as fulfilling as I had hoped. I dread class reunions and see how other classmates (mostly men or women with SAH partners) have truly risen to the top.

completely mommy tracked.

Interestingly enough, while many career focused parents passed me by financially, several have attempted to manufacture family later in life... and realizing that time waits for no one.

I definitely did and am happy about it. I make about half of what DH does but work remote and work 4 days a week. My job is low stress and I get to spend lots of time with my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer questions, almost all. Except one who put career above all else and she’s in middle of divorce. Kids started therapy. Crap situation

Yeah, that's totally because of her job.

#mama
#winemom
#boymom
#full-timemom
#myjobismommy
#Ilistmyjobashousemanageronlinkedin

It was 100% the job. She didn’t like the work balance job so moved for a more prestigious job with no time for family. Kids on 7th nanny now. 2nd marriage in collapse. When career is the only thing that matters, all else will fail

Conway?

Is it mommy-tracking if you decide you want to shift your priorities somewhat? Partner in a top AmLaw firm and moved to a firm further down the AmLaw100 because the culture, expectations etc are more relaxed. Earn significantly less than I could have got to as a senior partner at first firm but still have very good pay, work hard but also get to WFH most days and see my kids for dinner, school things, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer questions, almost all. Except one who put career above all else and she’s in middle of divorce. Kids started therapy. Crap situation

Yeah, that's totally because of her job.

#mama
#winemom
#boymom
#full-timemom
#myjobismommy
#Ilistmyjobashousemanageronlinkedin

It was 100% the job. She didn’t like the work balance job so moved for a more prestigious job with no time for family. Kids on 7th nanny now. 2nd marriage in collapse. When career is the only thing that matters, all else will fail

Yeah, I would agree it's totally because of her priorities.

Ho many people that you think mommy-tracked would have actually ended up in senior exec type positions, though, really? Very few.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Women were sold a myth that we could have it all. It was a lie. To be a good parent, you must scale back on work. You can’t do both. I cut back and changed career trajectory. I am with my kids out the door to school and when they get home. So happy about that

Yep. People always point to the unicorns but this is true for most of us. How I thought I could have two kids two years apart as a mid level associate and still make partner and be healthy physically and mentally is laughable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I don’t think I mommy tracked myself. I think my husband and his job (biglaw partner) did it for me. I wanted our careers to take equal footing but it didn’t work out that way. I’m not bitter about it, but it wasn’t really my choice.

+1 wasn't my plan, but something had to give and it was clearly going to be my job not his. No regrets, but wasn't the objective.

Sort of +1, my husband and I are in the same profession and he got to the top faster. If we both did his job, it would require a huge amount of outside help and a dynamic I would not like for our family. I am still pretty senior and I thought I had a track to something else higher up, but it turns out I might have unintentionally mommy tracked myself on the way there. Trying to sort that out, but I suppose if it never works, we're still in a decent spot.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I don’t think I mommy tracked myself. I think my husband and his job (biglaw partner) did it for me. I wanted our careers to take equal footing but it didn’t work out that way. I’m not bitter about it, but it wasn’t really my choice.

+1 wasn't my plan, but something had to give and it was clearly going to be my job not his. No regrets, but wasn't the objective.

Anonymous wrote:Depends what you call mommy tracking.

For example among my friends, most of us of both genders left biglaw after a few years because we wanted better work-life balance. That was before any of us had kids and some still don't and don't plan to.

I think mommy tracking is a pejorative term that encompasses a lot of choices. If I make $300k for a WFH job where I am viewed as an expert in my field, am I "mommy tracking" because I'm not trying to be the CEO and I'm happy with my current schedule?

Classic DCUM salary drop. But yes conscious decelerating career is mommy tracking